Then I’ll have to think of what to do from there
I found that by enforcing the sex ban and (unbeknownst to me at the time 
) flipping the power dynamics, this really helped…
When I did finally allow her to touch me she could only do what I specifically wanted her to do - or she just couldn’t touch me! After a few rejections - she quickly changed her tune
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Thanks - was honestly the best thing I ever did. Had she not coped on and made an effort - I would have left!
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It sounds like you two might not be sexually compatible with each other and you may want to think if it’s worth having a relationship with him.
Many of the other comments say something about having a conversation or communicating better, but honestly, if he’s not interested in talking with you, which seems to be the case, then there is nothing that you can do. You can’t get water out of a stone.
Think about if you’re willing to have this situation be the status quo for the rest of your life. If you’re not, then you should seriously consider leaving him and find someone better suited for you.
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He tells me he worries that I’m unhappy or that he’s not pleasing me and when I bring it up it makes him sad to think he’s not pleasuring me or doing a good job etc but I don’t know what more to say to that cause I’ve told him many a times that it’s not him it’s me kinda thing to make him feel a bit better whilst I’m trying to negotiate and find out how he feels
He might be scared or just doesn’t like / want to but I wish he would tell me when I bring it up because ids getting frustrating and I’m disappointed every time we’ve slept together basically
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I think you need to put yourself first.
You keep being concerned about how he feels, whereas he does not seem to show the same compassion for you.
I got the very same response so many times and reacted the very same as you… didn’t want to hurt her ego! But blaming yourself when he seems to be the issue is not going to help either of you…
Be honest with him - tell him your unsatisfied in the bedroom and what your both doing at the moment is just not doing it for you - yes his ego might be hurt at first, and it might take some time for him to process what you’ve said, but the others on here are right… other than being brutally honest and standing your ground - I think your only other option is to walk away if he is just not willing to even try.
Its perfectly ok to try something and discover he/you both don’t like it (heck, that half the fun of it!) as long as you try and both put in equal effort.
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@Tks2021 For me my Wife was a virgin when we met, she was very tight, I’m not big by any stretch of the imagination but sex was very difficult as much as I tried to turn her on so I appreciated lube was a must. Again the toy thing is different because I’m very open about that side of sex, we use toys on each other, she has a strap-on cock of her own and she also introduced anal in to our sexlife so it’s difficult to give an opinion. We just buys what we wants to use in the bedroom then show the other what we’ve got. Very rarely have we bought anything the other wouldn’t use if anything.
Problem is we all are different. I understand the toy thing and feeling threatened. My wife has some huge toys now that could make me feel totally humiliated if I was that way inclined, things have changed a wee bit down there 
My only problem with what you said is his lack of understanding that you need lube for you!
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Totally agree @Lana44 Some people are just happy with vanilla sex and then others have a voracious sexual appetite and your blessed if you meet someone like you. Problem is settling for your total opposite knowing that you’ll never be compatible is a big risk to take. As much as they say it shouldn’t matter realistically it does because sex is a huge part of most relationships and its got to be good for both parties and what they both enjoy. Its either Vanilla or the every flavour with all the sprinklings on top! Not forgetting the cherry!
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Correct me if im wrong but im pretty sure this is the first time you actually mentioned this piece of information
I have read through all of these comments and all I can really suggest is that you need a serious sit down to discuss your sex life. The fact that you have never climaxed in 3 years is worrying! My OH and I have gone through rough patches over our 13 years and during that time the sex wasn’t always great and became very bland but this is due to us not connecting as a couple rather than anything the one or other of us were doing or not doing in the bedroom.
Can I ask how old you both are? I know that this might not be relevant but sometimes age is a factor and I would feel that my advice would be different for someone that is 50 or someone that is 18
In my opinion sex is very much a two way street. If you are never finishing and he doesn’t care about this then in my eyes this is a big problem. Why doesn’t he care?
You said he is embarrassed, but; Is he embarrassed because he doesn’t know how to make you cum? Is he embarrassed about talking about sex? Is he embarrassed about something else? I think you need to find out why he won’t talk to you about it. Him feeling bad about the conversation isn’t in my eyes a good enough excuse for not talking at all.
Have you ever tried sexy lingerie or dressing up for him? I know this might lean to him getting his way again but if you are willing to do this for him maybe he will be more willing when it comes to making you happy.
Can I ask…? Do you make yourself climax?
Mrs ToyRusDevon
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That’s very true I’m just a compassionate person I suppose , it’s hard putting myself first I never do
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It would seem so it seems like he’s so different to me , I love him he loves me but we’re different and it makes it difficult
He doesn’t wanna talk I suppose and I guess maybe I’ll need to accept that as you’re right you can’t get blood or water out of a stone
It’s hard when we’re happy everywhere else in other aspects I don’t wanna be without him
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It’s hard not to hurt someone’s ego I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from ! It’s just hard not to hurt him so I give up
I wish he would be willing to try or atleast switch things up a little it would be very hard of walk Away -
I know Right ! Trying is the fun bit and if you both enjoy it then that’s an added bonus
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Well I’m very happy you both understand each other ! I’ve told him many.a times he’s tore me and I needed lube as he too struggles to turn me on as I get no foreplay etc
I’d understand if he felt overwhelmed or that I’d like them better but if he told me this I wouldn’t suggest things anymore , but he won’t even use lube when I ask he comes up with some excuses ,
I’ve told him I don’t feel good in certain positions and his response was I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say about that
In return to your other comment I forgot to add that he tells me we can do or buy whatever I want but then he never follows me up on using any of it when I suggest it etc so I don’t know what to do
I bought different lubes to try but because I didn’t need them that week ( we live apart atm ) he decided they were useless I think
It’s hard Settling for less when I know I could get what I wanted and more but I love him so it’s a difficult situation
It is difficult @Tks2021
Lots of blokes feel intimidated by toys and using lube it knocks their confidence…as in they are being replaced and not good enough.
Have you suggested he watch you masturbate with a toy first? But then still need him afterwards…That way you could have sex when you are ready and already had an orgasm and lubricated…
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I’ve tried and tried to talk with him I feel like he tries to avoid the conversation if he can
I can make myself climax but he’s never made me tho of course I’ve made him many a times , maybe we need to connect as a couple more or both ? He’s older than me I’m 20 he’s 30 so nothing drastic
I never finish and I don’t know why he doesn’t care I always make sure he does I don’t know why he’s embarrassed I’m quite shy but I try my best to overcome this when talking to him about this stuff but he just brushes me off with a whatever you want or he avoids the conversation it’s hard to bring up these kind of conversations with him sadly
I don’t know what he could possibly be embarrassed about maybe talking about it ? Maybe performance I’m not sure he just doesn’t want to talk
I’ve tried all kinds dressing up new toys lube lingerie he’s not interested he wants it off as soon as it’s on as its “in the way “
I do with no problems at all x
Have you ever watched porn with him? Sometimes seeing your OH’s porn likes and dislikes can give you an insight to what they’re into. If he won’t share maybe look at the internet history. Slightly sneaky but if it helps it helps
It sounds like you’ve done everything possible to communicate to him that something is wrong.
That is very concerning. Regardless of his opinion of toys, his choices have hurt you both emotionally and physically. You deserve better. Think of yourself first and not him because he does not want to take care of you or your needs.
It sounds like he honestly does not care and nothing you can do will change that.
In this case, the fact that he is much older and is not willing to communicate, shows that he is pretty set in his ways and immature. He will not change, regardless of what you do.
If I had a friend or a sister and she was in this situation, I would tell her to leave immediately. Think about that. If you had a friend or a sister in the same situation, what would you tell her to do?
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