He’s a really nice caring guy in other terms but he just totally gave up and I do feel used and it gets me upset he’s slightly older but I feel like that shouldn’t Matter I’ve asked him why he stopped doing oral he made excuses but yeh he’s never made me finish in three years we’ve been together and never attempted to either I don’t think because every times he’s finished he stops and I get to clean up I love him he loves me and we’re happy other wise but I don’t want to marry someone who’s selfish like this but I feel like I couldn’t be apart from him If you get what I mean
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Is it still the same if you have drunk sex? Does it ever get wild and crazy?
Perhaps being older, he sees himself as your superior and that your needs aren’t as important. That’s speculation but if true it doesn’t sound healthy. If he feels he holds power over you because of his age, I think you need to give him a big wake up call. It’s hard when you feel love in one way but conflicted in another, but don’t take this relationship further until he can show he can change.
I’m sorry to hear of your frustrations @Tks2021 
I was in a similar boat, my wife has a lot of experience and had experimented quite a bit in her teenage years; I however did not!
By the time we met - she had experimented enough to know her kinks and dislikes and had settled into a ‘routined rhythm’ as I like to call it… We’re together 14 years and she has always pushed back on introducing toys etc. as she claimed she’s tried them before and does not like them, we have discussed this at length over the years and every conversation ended the same - she’s done experimenting, and no toys as she hates them, this just left me in a miserable limbo that I stupidly allowed to happen!
Well life in lockdown land pushed me to my limits… I decided to be brutally honest for the first time ever and explained EXACTLY how bored and sexually frustrated I was and how important my sexual exploration was to me - I also introduced a sex ban until she was willing to make an effort.
A few sexless weeks went by - then she agreed to at least try! We have now purchased a few different items… and she’s loved every one of them!! 
In fact, its now her that’s requesting we pull certain toys out of the draw.
My whole point in telling this story is, firstly… you are not alone, I’ve been there! Secondly, stand your ground and advocate for yourself. If your partner does not want to use toys - fine, but they cannot stop you having fun on your own. No one should settle for mundane when there are earth shattering orgasms to be had!
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We don’t ever have drunk sex he’s a sleepy drunk lol bht no nothing ever gets wild and crazy
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Relationship advice ? Bf oral problems replies 2, 5 and 10.
As I have said, he may not understand what your needs are. The fact that you haven’t expressed them for 3 years will have entrenched the idea that he is doing an ok job or that you aren’t that interested in sex. In your first post you didn’t seem willing to take control of the situation, which would be the next best advice after talking. The fact that he is brushing you off suggests you are talking at him not to him. You need to find a way to engage him in the conversation and open him up. You know him, we don’t so there is only so much internet strangers can suggest.
Using toys is a sexual preference, giving oral is a sexual preference, using lube is a sexual preference if you are using it to spice things up (if you need the extra lubrication then you should just use it, you don’t need his involvement there).
Maybe he isn’t interested in pleasuring you at all, which would be selfish. But until you get to the bottom of why he isn’t interested in changing your sex life, branding him simply selfish doesn’t help. It paints him instantly in the negative which then becomes how you view him and then taints how you view everything he says or does. (Or doesn’t do or say which may be more appropriate).
Currently, you are sexually mismatched. If you have tried everything you can think of and everything you’ve been suggested on 2 threads, and nothing is changing then my 3 options still stand.
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Thank you I really appreciate your help and advice - maybe he does though he’s never brought his age into anything but maybe he thinks it in his head but I don’t want to marry someone like this who won’t try meet my needs to a way I try every time to meet his , I don’t want to make excuses for him or myself but I used to think maybe because he was older he came quicker but I guess he’s just selfish
Guys are less likely to talk about things if you make it sound like hes doing everything wrong.
To be fair you keep telling us hes in the wrong and you replies show more about what you think is the problem. If you go at him like you explain your points to us then he will clam up during conversations
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I have experience and so does he I don’t ever force him into doing stuff that he doesn’t want to do and I never would I just would like him to try things or go back to how we used to be !
I’m not sure if he’s tried them or not but he doesn’t seem very keen to try new things that I wanna try he never tells me what he likes or wants to try even when I bring it up and try talking to him , but he also gets quiet or annoyed when I’ve mentioned my own toys before - so I know how you feel
Oh wow that’s great news to hear ! I’m glad she changed for you I’m just a quiet person so when he says no or skirts round things I kind of just take it like oh okay then and stay unhappy because he’s happy so I don’t know what to do - due to Covid and work were not living together atm but its frustrating as he says well try stuff when we’re together and when we’re together he won’t ;/
That’s very true I never fail to bring myself to one 
That’s great news, and happy to hear a success story of someone changing their ways! Unfortunately some people just never change.
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I’m not saying he does everything wrong he just doesn’t consider how I feel or what I might want during a moment when I do everything for him I don’t say you don’t do this you don’t do that when we talk I try talk things through getting his opinions but he’s still very quiet so I can’t even say I’m causing him to clam up because I don’t shout at him
@Tks2021 From your initial post I understand some men can feel threatened by toys and it can make them feel inadequate. I love using toys on my Misses but I it just not for some men. But what stuck out was is “he won’t use any kind of lube” I’m guessing but I’m imagine you suggested lube for your own comfort during sex? If this is the case is he aware that’s why you need the lube? If he is it seems a very selfish attitude to have and he’s not thinking about your well being just his ego!
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If he does feel inadequate about sex etc and you point out that hes failing to meet your needs then you are increasing that belief.
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I have tried expressing them over the three years and each time he says yes well try or next time we will or whatever you want it never happens so he knows I’m unhappy because he tells me that he knows I’m unhappy but never changes I’ve tried to tell him what my needs are but it’s doesn’t happen I even blame my self of making myself the problems ( rather than what someone suggested that apparently I tell him he’s doing it all wrong )
Well I don’t know how to engage him when I’ve tried everything asking him why he doesn’t want to etc and he never gives me an answer
Then he would need fo say he doesn’t want to use any of it instead of saying that yes he’ll try or whatever I want cause he clearly doesn’t mean that
I don’t view him as selfish all the time just in that department I never dismiss what he says or does just because of an issue in bed , maybe he isn’t interested in pleasing me and I’ll accept that once he tells me that
Well sometimes those three options you gave don’t always work
I never say he’s doing a bad job if anything I never point out he’s done anything wrong or that he’s not pleasing me I try reassuring him although I’m unhappy he never gets “ oh you’re doing this wrong you never do this “
Well if nothing is changing then you may have to tell him that the relationship wont work if it carries on this way.
Either he will try to sort it or he wont but if you arent happy then something will have to change even if its who you share the relationship with
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He may do but he never says no he says yes next time or whatever you want and when I try bring it up everything comes fo a stand still I’d rather him he’ll me he doesn’t feel comfortable with this kind of stuff and I’d stop suggesting any of it ,
I did because things were a bit of an issue at one point and he still didn’t bother to use lube even tho I said I needed it , I then bought different lubes to spice things up he didn’t use those either but he agreed that I should buy them , well perhaps he is but if you were him what would you want to hear in regards of me asking you about using. Lube or toys ?
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that’s true and I’m sure something will come out of it once he speaks his mind
And if he never does?
Sorry but that right there means you need to walk away…
Even if he doesn’t like toys, then fine, but he should be trying some other way to make you happy with foreplay, oral, new positions to experiment with. Maybe he’s scared he can’t live up to expectations of all that stuff, but sell it to him that he would get greater pleasure from it too. If not, then I guess he’s just lazy or doesn’t care, and you should be walking away.
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