Question here for couples where the male gets tied up and/or blindfolded: how do you deal with it if he gets soft? Is it an issue or do you easily work round it?
I love the idea of my wife tying me up and teasing me, but last time we tried it I lost my erection and she got discouraged, making me even softer and us abandoning the idea. I’m pretty confident I would regain it again but want to reassure her I’m still turned on and to carry on even if I momentarily lose it.
How do regular Dom/sub couples deal with this or is it not an issue? Really keen on developing this in our sex life but my erections aren’t as reliable as they were few years ago.
I have experience of this. For me sometimes I’m too excited to be erect which can be incredibly frustrating. Fortunately my partner now knows how much it turns me on even if the proof sometimes isn’t there. When it happens to us we normally take a few minutes off and cuddle and i ask her to talk dirty to me whilst I stroke my member - normally the erection comes back pretty quick . But that does involve being untied temporarily. Sometimes it’s a case of going back a step to go forwards two.
I’d also advise telling your partner afterwords that what she did and how she did it was incredibly hot as to not make her feel inadequate.
Thanks Charles, sounds like we need to be bit more patient. I find I do get bit soft without stimulation. She has though learnt recently how to get me hard through caressing my perineum and light touching near my bum so hopefully that would work too whilst I’m tied up.
I think this is a general thing, not only in BDSM type relationships, and absolutely a normal thing to happen. I don’t have a penis but know that a range of things can affect holding an erection, even down to tiredness! And for lots of people if the penis isn’t being directly stimulated.
I have also been on the opposite end of this though, and I know when I was younger I was absolutely mortified when this happened to a guy I was sleeping with. I went through the whole “he isn’t enjoying it” etc, and no matter how much he reassured me he was I just didn’t believe him. Obviously now I am a lot more aware that’s not always the case, and for me that came with educating myself about all things sex and understanding the body and all its wonderful functions! Reassuring her is great, but it will probably take a little switch in her to understand its nothing she’s done!
If it ever happens with partners now then I find the best thing to do is take the focus off whatever was happening and change it up. And I guess just an understanding that pleasure can be enjoyed in multiple ways too. As you said, the more in your head you get about it the less likely you’ll be to get it back!
Not sure if that’s helpful at all but wanted to reassure you it’s definitely not just you! Hopefully some penis owners will give you some more practical advice
It happens and for us we just keep going and doing things, could be things to stimulate and bring it back but mostly it’s whatever we were doing. The other night for example I went soft and he broke out the flogger for a bit, one of the times he went soft I shifted and teased him with my boobs(just out of reach of his mouth).
One of the biggest things to Bondage or any BDSM is communication, in your situation I think talking about it before hand reassure her that if this does happen you still want to continue and ways you can continue. Can also encourage her to playfully or teasingly ask how you like it during.
The same thing happens to me when I’m being pegged. I’m concentrating so much on the anal pleasure that my penis gets a bit neglected and loses interest. We don’t regard it as a problem and, with a bit of direct stimulation and refocusing of my interest it comes back to life again when needed.
I’ve also had this when being pegged! For me it’s the most erotic act me and my wife share but sometimes during a long session I can go soft for no reason I can’t explain especially as pegging is such a turn on for me. Like Rockstar says it’s maybe because my penis is being neglected and my arse it getting all the pleasure, I’ve even cum or been milked whilst my penis has been soft when the pegging hits the mark/prostate. Otherwise my OH returns her attention to my penis so we she can finish me off.
Honestly don’t think it a problem or something to worry about, it’s just one of those things that can happen, especially if the session you have is a long one. For us we just take one step back then start again maybe trying something a little different.
It’s not affected our sexlife as its something we’re used to and know could possibly happen so make sure we’re ready to do something about it if and when it does.
I thought I’d add that we’ve got this leather cock ring / strap that I’ve been using and I’ve found it helps to keep me erect. We don’t actually use the ring as I couldn’t get on with it, just the strap over my cock and balls. We’ve started attaching a lead to it too which is very satisfying for me. Good luck again! Some great comments by others here!
I really wouldn’t worry about loosing an erection. On the face of it, it would seem as losing interest but there are other variables. I’ve lost my erection if I’m tired or had too much to drink. No doubt there are other things at play too.
I think it best to put the lost erection to one side. Focus on something else and return to the penis when it’s ready
Thanks for all your helpful suggestions. Definitely given us encouragement to persevere. Have just bought a butt plug so may try that out along with bit of role play(e g. she catches me playing with myself without permission and has to punish me).
Interested to read about the pegging too. Presume pegging beginners combine it with direct penile stimulation to begin with?
Hey @Alurkingnewbie - try not to stress about it…this happens to me a lot, and initially Inwould totally best myself up about it - but I have a very supportive other half…and like others say there are plenty of reasons why it happens. I know mine is 100% mental as I can get my erection back very easily just by spooning my wife! However one of my favourite things is performing oral on my OH and can I maintain an erection while doing this…I wish! I have visions of satisfying my wife with my tongue and then flipping her over and giving her the tide of her life…but this just doesn’t happen! We have to take a break…a little snuggle and then it’s not a problem! However can I make it happen on demand…when I am doing something that does really excite me…no…I do find it really frustrating (which only makes it worse) but we still have great sex…it’s just not always in one fluid motion!
My wife isn’t the most vocal, or the best at initiating - and I’m sure that would help me stop second guessing if she’s enjoying herself…which is another issue I have…i think maybe I big up the act itself too much in my head…
But in short - you’re obviously not alone…and all the replies in this post has made me feel better about it - hopefully you’ll figure out the headspace you need to make it work for you!
Depending on how long the session is going for, losing the erection is completely normal and I actually think its dangerous for a penis to be erect for too long (although I don’t know what that time frame is, just from what I’ve seen on TV).
My own experience is that at the start of a session, its normal to be erect, but as we explore various types of play, although each pleasurable by itself, if they aren’t specifically focused on my penis, then the erection subsides. As soon as focus goes back, so does the erection. By not focussing on my penis for pleasure but allowing to feel it everywhere it makes the experience much better.
For us our best pegging is my OH from behind with a curved strap-on rubbing on my prostate, this can sometimes stimulate to an orgasm, if not my OH just reaches around and finishes me that way, if I sit on her the prostate stimulation isn’t right but it’s easier for her to play with my penis! Pegging is such a liberating sexual act for both.
When we do bondage I make sure I bind his cock with a couple of cocktails rings. One goes around his balks and the other at the base of his shaft. To us it’s all part of him being restricted movement. With his cock also bound, he has no chance to go limp.
It’s not uncommon for penis-bearers to lose their erection and go soft. However, even though I know that it doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy what we’re doing, it’s still a mood killer for me.
My solution is to keep them locked up in a chastity cage when I am not using their penis. This way they can’t get an erection even if they’d want to.
In case my partner doesn’t have their own cage, I have an Impound Corkscrew Male Chastity Cage which is good for short-time wear and fits most.
Back when my wife was active , if I got soft during anything she would feel all rejected . I tried to explain to her I could be excited as heck and not be hard . Now that all I do is solo play , it happens sometimes . Especially while filming or photo shoots . My brain is too busy to keep the excitement .
I am very visual, a big part of it for me is the look, the aesthetic. When I am blindfolded I often lose it, it’s just what turns me on.
My wife loves the blindfold (happily) while when I feel submissive the gag cuffs come out but generally no blindfold.
Perhaps you’re just quite visually driven?
Going to discuss this with the wife so we can give it another go. She is a bit more familiar with unpredictable behaviour of my penis (erections aren’t quite as reliable as when younger) so will reassure her it’s a massive turn on even if I lose erection. The last time I was tied up was initiated by her and she does seem to like teasing so hopefully we can successfully explore this together.
She’s also expressed an interest in anal play on me so hopefully we can successfully integrate the two over time.
