Reading this post was spooky for me, because although some of the finer details are different (mainly that you are younger than us) it otherwise perfectly describes how my wife and I were/are together, and I could have written almost exactly the same post.
My wife sounds remarkably like yours, and if my experience is anything to go by, you will need to have the same conversation at regular intervals as its effect is only temporary and the goalposts are always moving.
The good news is the issue is resolved if you keep working at it - and it’s so worth it in the end.
When I say the ‘issue’, I mean the one that all couples must face up to, to a greater or lesser extent, which is: no two people have perfectly matched sexual appetites. That is probably even more true for heterosexual couples, because men and women are wired so differently, especially when it comes to sex.* It even extends to how willing you each are to talk about it, as we know.
Not only will the two halves of a couple have different appetites when it comes to how often they want sex, but also in what they want out of it. And even in the very unlikely event that they want the same, they are not necessarily going to be in the same mood on any given day. To make matters even more complicated: it seems to me that as women get older, they are generally more content to carry on doing the same, but men tend to want more variety, so get kinkier and more adventurous/experimental.
We have already discussed the importance of dumping whatever shame or inhibitions you have, before you can expect your wife to do the same. One benefit of this is it makes communication much easier. But it is only the first step because your wife hit the nail on the head when she said you can’t turn her into something she is not. She may lighten up and change a bit, but she is probably never going to be exactly what you want, so you have to find some big compromises.
In our case (to cut a very long story very short, and simplify), my wife understands that even if she isn’t in the mood for an orgasm herself, helping me to masturbate makes me happy and is actually quite fun (if not orgasmic) for her. And if just a cuddle is all she requires to fulfil her physical needs tonight, that’s honestly OK with me (which it took her a long time to take on board, because she felt more pressure than I ever realised).
And while we were talking about pressure: I got her to realise that it is a huge pressure on me if I am the only one thinking/fantasising about sex - and the biggest pressure of all is when she won’t even talk about it. So she has to play her part and not rely on me.
It always comes back to communication in the end.
*This generally means the man is far more up for it than the woman, although the post by @Tenshadesandme proves there are exceptions!
anyway, one of the things I had to learn was that him not having kinks and sexy interests was not him hiding them from me - he really isn’t as interested in sex as what I am!
