I'm at university, as is my boyfriend, which means I only get to see him Friday (evening), Saturday and Sunday and I'd quite like to get a vibrator but my bf seems to be a bit intimidated by them. I'm not altogether sure why, he's about average sized, maybe a little bigger, so I wouldn't have thought it was the length that was intimidating him (he has got the usual male fear though). I was wondering if anyone had any ideas on how to reduce this "fear". I've already got an idea of which i want and i really want to buy it!
I would suggest starting with a 'bullet' type vibrator or a vibrating cock ring.
I would maybe start giving him oral/handjob and then gently introduce the bullet into play and use it around his balls, bum and/or cock. Hopefully he'll love that (as my Husband does) and will then be able to understand the appeal.
A vibrating cock ring may hopefully benefit both of you, and you can say it's something to share.
When I first started buying vibes etc about 2 years ago, both my Husband and I didn't like the look of anything realistic (ie with veins, a head etc) so you could maybe go for something that's an organic shape, maybe have a look at the glass ones (there are a couple of vibrating glass dildo's).
If you introduce a small vibe and show how he can benefit from it and how you can have fun together and share the experience, he may go for it more.
Also, if he gets to watch you play with a vibe, he might be more open to the idea, as I think some men find that very arousing - I know mine does! If you're shy, maybe send him a photograph of you useing one?
I wouldn't get one secretly though/keep it a secret, as he's bound to find out and be more upset!
I agree with getting something small and unrealistic first! I got my first one since we've been together as a freebie, so he didn't object, because it wasn't my desire to purchase one (though I was super happy!).
My OH and I have problems with realistic looking things, and it took him a while to get used to even the normal vibrators. Let's face it, most real penises aren't so girthy and ridged... They don't rotate or vibrate while you're at it either! It's highly possible that he's worried you will like this vibrator more than him.
Maybe start with some cock rings or bullets or other vibration play... Once he's used to that, move onto a small, standard rabbit or something. Let him be in control and assure him that he's doing well at pleasuring you, maybe tell him that it makes you want to have sex with him. Either way let him know that the vibrator isn't as nice as his penis!
Also maybe purchase him a stroker sleeve or masturbator, you can also use this together, and it evens it out. This shows him that you just want to experiment with toys, so he won't think you want a vibrator because he doesn't satisfy you.
This was a problem for my friend and her boyfriend too, she started out with small vibes and once he realised that he could use them to tease her or the other way around he warmed up to the idea. Just to be safe make sure you don't get anything bigger than him and as mentioned, start with a clitoral vibe or cock rings so he doesn't feel that you're 'replacing' him
Explain that its not a substitute just as him having a wank is not a substitute for having sex with you. I agree with others try a bullet as not scary looking and shouldn't make him feel as insecure.
Use it on him especially on his balls and perineum and then when aroused around his anus. My wife tried this on be for the first time last week and it was an amazing orgasm!
The other thing that might work is offering to put on a little show for him as well. Perhaps with him wanking and not allowed to touch you but can come on you or something. Its really intense making yourself come in front of your partner without you having touched them
Just wondered if you mean a vibrator to use with him, or to use when he is not around?
If it's when he's not around, it's probably because he thinks it will make you want sex less or enjoy it less without it or something. Some people get a bit paraniod about these things. I would try and make sure you get one that isn't bigger than he is to start with so that your not making him feel inadequate, in case thats his issue.
Just wondered if you mean a vibrator to use with him, or to use when he is not around?
If it's when he's not around, it's probably because he thinks it will make you want sex less or enjoy it less without it or something. Some people get a bit paraniod about these things. I would try and make sure you get one that isn't bigger than he is to start with so that your not making him feel inadequate, in case thats his issue.
Good luck and have fun!
If this is his problem, that he thinks you'll want sex less, tell him the opposite is usually true. I think more orgasms increase your desire as the 'sex' hormones will be in your body more often and for longer. I'm sure I saw scientific proof for this but I cant remember where I saw it.
Just wondered if you mean a vibrator to use with him, or to use when he is not around?
If it's when he's not around, it's probably because he thinks it will make you want sex less or enjoy it less without it or something. Some people get a bit paraniod about these things. I would try and make sure you get one that isn't bigger than he is to start with so that your not making him feel inadequate, in case thats his issue.
Good luck and have fun!
If this is his problem, that he thinks you'll want sex less, tell him the opposite is usually true. I think more orgasms increase your desire as the 'sex' hormones will be in your body more often and for longer. I'm sure I saw scientific proof for this but I cant remember where I saw it.
I agree. Bullet is a great idea (and comes handy to you when you are travelling, as it is easy to fit into the bag). I would suggest you let him use it on you, to show that he can be the one giving you the pleasure and you are not getting it as a substitute for him. And you can use it on him (my lover loves it when I use a vibrator to tease him). Take it slow. As men can in some cases feel like you are replacing them. I had once an issue with my lover, which turned out to be reaction under heavy stress, so make sure you try it when he is not stressed to make him more open and less insecure. Stress can lead to rather nasty reactions.
Also some cock rings have removable bullets. I have one of those, the bullet is decently strong, would be enough for some to orgasm, although not strong enough for me. And you would be able to try both options at once. The only problem is the battery life. Usually lasts about 30 minutes only.
Just wondered if you mean a vibrator to use with him, or to use when he is not around?
If it's when he's not around, it's probably because he thinks it will make you want sex less or enjoy it less without it or something. Some people get a bit paraniod about these things. I would try and make sure you get one that isn't bigger than he is to start with so that your not making him feel inadequate, in case thats his issue.
Good luck and have fun!
Both really, i'd love to involve him with it but that is guna take a hell of a lot of work, it probably won't happen for a long time. I'd also like something for when he's not there. I think both are guna be hard to acheive. External Media Any progress would be welcome but i don't wana make him even more insecure or uncomfortable about it at the same time.
And Sharry i think i've seen that too but I recon it was in an edition of Cosmo! External Media
i think you should quiz him a bit as to why exactly he is so against them- that way you can try to understand a bit better, then be a bit more accepting as to why he is against them ( if his reason is good enough!) and hopefully begin to work at it more easily.
