I’m wondering if some of you lovely kinky people can/want to help me with this one. I’m writing a blog post at the moment (which was inspired by a blogging friend of mine) and I’ve got my own hypothesis written up, but I wanted to expand my field study by asking you lovely kinky people one simple question: are Dominants narcissists?
Of course I have my conclusions, but I want to hear your thoughts from you. I promise you a link to my post, once it’s finished
This is a very interesting point, and may well be a sub-topic that I may insert somehow. I myself was a scapegoat, my mother is narcissistic, my brother is the golden child. I also know many other “submissive-sisters” who fit this model. I find it interesting both what that says about our submission, and the people we choose to give it to and trust with it.
I’ve relocated to a computer, so that it is easier to type.
I’m similar to you. Narcissist mother, golden boy (and also narcissist) brother. I had mental health problems that all miraculous improved when I extracted myself from that world. Shock, eh?!
In my view, to be a dom, it takes a level of caring for others that is well beyond that a narcissist is capable of. If a narcissist was a dom, I would be highly surprised if that wasn’t an abusive situation.
I’m on my laptop, toggling between Word and LHF. The things we bloggers do
I was extracted by social services aged 19 - I thought I was from a “perfect” home, until I wasn’t. My mother wanted me diagnosed with autism and I flatly refused (as did my doctor) because I didn’t see any traits in me (neither did my doctor), my mother threatened to evict me if I wouldn’t accept a diagnosis and told all kinds of horrendous lies about me (no friends, even though she had really rigid rules around my social life to begin with) and my then-boyfriend (she said he was abusive, a drug addict etc). I ended up living temporarily with my then boyfriend/Dom, now husband/Dom. When my social worker herself told me I was being psychologically abused, I couldn’t believe it - I’d been taught that every other family was dysfunctional, and ours was perfect and loving. Mum now loves hubby, by the way, but the damage is done.
Mental health problems - yes, getting there, but still healing. Self-beliefs are the big burden, and I have no singing voice because my family told me I couldn’t, same for artistic talent. I’m quietly enjoying some schadenfreude at the moment because my brother can’t get a job or a girlfriend and I, meanwhile, am happily married and had an email just last week to ask if I would be willing to review another sex doll. But sure, go ahead and tell me that blogging isn’t a “real” job again, Mum. I’ll wait.
I think you’re absolutely right, and that has been my experience too. Nearly every Dom I’ve met - the good and proper ones - have been kind, caring, genuine individuals. I was involved with a man who posed as a Dom for a time, but I think that was just it: he wasn’t a real Dominant, he was a poser.
Lol, yeah, I currently have 103 part written blog posts. Just need to bloody finish some of them
Oh, and actual work too. Luckily, I’m self employed, so the only issue I have with work performance is from me.
That’s very much my husband’s situation. They had the “perfect home”, and when something happened, they told lies about him (and me now) and still are. I was the devil, luring him with sex and boobs. To be fair, I did, but a girl’s gotta do…
That was exactly the same as me. I’m now soprano diva, and a part-time artist making money out of art. F**k you mum!
You’ll wait for a very very long time. My mother has never, ever, ever apologised for anything she did to me. If she wants any form of relationship with me, that’s where it needs to start.
Exactly, the real ones care so much. Narcissists are, well, just narcissists. They are the only ones that matter. For ever. If you’re with a narcissist, you’re second to them and their ego. It is what makes them narcissists. So easy to pick out, and so easy to wind up once you know how!
Sorry, didn’t mean to hijack things, so chip in please. Will make me feel better
I’m behind by two. Luckily I’ve nearly finished this one, and I have a sex toy review to do. Oh, and this week’s post to start and diary posts to do … yay!
Right? I used good sex and perfume. Wore the perfume for sex then the same perfume for cinema trips and grocery shopping. He never saw me coming, but he sure was, and often
More power to you!
My mother did, but two weeks later she was back to her old antics. Leopard. Spots.
Yes! one of my exes was narcissistic, I was having a bad day one day and just wanted a little bit of sympathy. Instead of being a decent partner he just said “that sounds like a you problem”, so when we broke up and he realised what he’d lost and came pining back, telling me how much he missed me, I just said “that sounds like a you problem”. He was not a happy man!
That’s no problem, I just want to make sure we keep things open to all, that’s all
Maybe this question could be worthy of going into a poll as for me I’d be curious if it’s different for gender based and sexual orientation…. In gay culture I’ve defo come across some narcissist men, oddly often when the guy is supposedly straight with a wife or girlfriend yet secretly likes to play rough with men
Sure some will be of course, I’ve only ever met 1. I would personally think most Dom’s are the polar opposite, kind, caring, intelligent, confident & open minded.
I completely agree, however, there seems to be a misconception somewhere that Dominants are narcissists, and that’s why I’m trying to debunk it. To be honest, I was hoping for a unanimous “no”, but in the name of an ubiased investigation for my post, I couldn’t lean my bias to one answer over the other
I thnk my findings are that no, it doesn’t seem to make much difference, and unfortunately there are just some bad eggs across the board. They aren’t real Dominants, though, just bad eggs
The problem with trying to debunk this sort of thing that unless it is truly a widespread misconception (which this is not), all it does it put the idea in people’s head that there is a link between dominance and narcissism. Which is pretty damaging to the kink community and just increases shame amongst those looking to explore
There isn’t though, and that’s what I’ve said in my post. If it’s being said, even on a small scale, then it needs closing down before it can become a colossal problem to the community, and that’s what I’m trying to do.
as for me I’d be curious if it’s different for gender based and sexual orientation…. In gay culture I’ve defo come across some narcissist men, oddly often when the guy is supposedly straight with a wife or girlfriend yet secretly likes to play rough with men 
