Has anyone got any tips for a bloke to go again shortly after ejaculating? Before I cum I absolutely love the idea of sloppy seconds, cum play and watching her masturbating as my cum runs out of her pussy. BUT, after I cum this feeling is switched off instantly. Recently after cumming inside my wife I forced myself to run my hand down her pussy while we were still spooning and she started responding well but for some inexplicable reason I stopped.
20 years ago this would’ve been no problem (although I hadn’t had the snip then so not much opportunity). I understand about refractory period. I’m 40, am pretty fit and eat a healthy high fibre diet. I’m hoping I might be able to train myself to get back into it, or push through the initial reluctance (from memory it always took a bit of pushing but very rewarding once through).
Does anyone have any suggestions? Please don’t tell me this is an inescapable biological fact - I don’t want that to be true!
So your fantasy is to cum and then play and cum again but you have an aversion to your cum! Don’t would seem that’s why you stop and or loose interest
If that’s the case you need to work on that first before anything else can. It’s a case of desensitising you from what holds you back.
After that I see two easy options the first being, do you have to cum the first time? A dry orgasm and your kegal muscles would allow you the second chance to cum. After her first orgasm a little play where some of your precum is there and then go again.
The second is just practice to cum twice (easy I know ) or as you are cumming the first time use your kegal muscles to stop the flow and to ruin the orgasm so can go a second time.
More extreme ideas are cum filled ice cubes that melt while you are together the first time and then you can go for the second time.
This is an interesting challenge I’m off to search the other topics for cumming twice. I’ll add links if I find something.
Ah sorry - I may not have explained it properly. Definitely no aversion to cum, it’s just the mental block of after having cum, not feeling in the mood (ie - refractory). I do specifically want to cum twice as it’s the cum I want involved. I actually often stay hard, I’ve just lost the primal urge. Not wanting in within seconds, a few or more minutes would be fine.
Really I think I want to beat the refractory period - which deep down I have a feeling isn’t possible. You mention practicing to cum twice - this is what I’m after!
Thanks for the link, I didn’t see it and will have a read
“Although the refractory period varies widely among individuals, ranging from minutes to days, most men cannot achieve or maintain an erection during this time, and many perceive a psychological feeling of satisfaction and are temporarily uninterested in further sexual activity; the penis may be hypersensitive, and further sexual stimulation may feel painful during this time frame. An increase in the infusion of the hormone oxytocin during ejaculation is believed to be chiefly responsible for the male refractory period, and the amount by which oxytocin is increased may affect the length of each refractory period. Another chemical which some consider to be responsible for the male refractory period is prolactin, which is repressed by dopamine and is responsible for sexual arousal. However, there is no consensus for such a causative relationship; some studies suggest that prolactin has no effect on the refractory period. It is additionally proposed that the gonadotropin inhibitory hormone (GnIH), which is considered to inhibit the hypothalamic-pituitary-gonadal axis and sexual functions, causes refractoriness of the post-ejaculatory refractory period. This hypothesis also supports the increase of oxytocin and prolactin after orgasm in accordance with the previous studies.”
I completely understand @Andon and am following to see if anyone leaves some good tips. My reasons for why likely differ from yours, but the same goal. For me it is to fulfill a kinky fetish of mine, eating a creampie, but after I cum it is like a switch is turned off and I am not interested in going down on her or building up to cum again. I would love to be able to stay mentally in that head space to enjoy a cream pie immediately following the first orgasm and then having the stamina/ability to orgasm a second time rather quickly after the first instead of the mood turning off.
Actually Justin you make a very good point. I would also settle for still being turned on, even if I didn’t cum again- being able to sexually enjoy the after affects would be great. Ironically, I’m often still hard for quite a while - as you says it’s the mental switch off that’s the issue. It’s like I’m too different people. But I’m not, so I’m determined to find a way around it.
I’ve never considered eating my own cum, but if she thought it was hot I totally would eat her out afterwards (and I was switched back on…)
I guess what I’m probing for (probably unrealistically) is a hack. I’ve read refractory periods can be reduced with a combination of diet and fitness - hence my dropping that in my OP. Obviously it can be overcome chemically (viagra), but I’m wondering if there are mental or other ways of training for it.
I know what you mean and I stay very hard as well @Andon, but that doesn’t mean I have overcome the refractory time frame. Also, I totally get the feeling of being “two different people” as once I cum my body just wants to play big and little spoon instead of going down on my wife, eating the cream pie I just gave her and have wanted for months, and then coming back up from my treat ready for round 2. The second time around even a dry orgasm would be great. I am reading and learning more about that now.
According to the “How Men Can Have an Ejaculation-Free Orgasm” article by sex therapist Vanessa Marin in the Lifehacker website:
“The trick to separating orgasm from ejaculation is to use your PC muscles to stop yourself from ejaculation right when you’re on the brink. As you masturbate, when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, stop touching your penis and squeeze hard on your PC muscles. Try to hold for about 10 seconds. Then resume touching yourself. Practice getting yourself closer and closer to the point of no return. The key is to do the PC (Pelvic Core?) squeeze right at the moment of orgasmic inevitability. This is a lot trickier than it sounds. You’re not going to get it to happen the first time (or even the 10th time), but with repeated practice, you should eventually be able to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation. The PC squeeze should stop the ejaculation, but should allow you to continue feeling waves of orgasmic pleasure. You won’t have a refractory period. With repeated practice, you may also notice that your orgasms get longer or more intense.”
This seems to be the way to not have a refractory period, and I would think that you could orgasm again without the wait period. It seems to be a little like the edging process, but with no ejaculate. However, I am not a medical doctor or expert; therefore, you should ask a doctor about it before trying it.
The misunderstanding above has made me laugh thank you to all involved
Personally I’d say its bc men are selfish and your brains make you think its all you, only for my sexual partner not having that same issue gotcha . He’s always stayed in the mindspace, now whether thats a conscious thing that he does or just him, I dunno but I’ll ask him.
Could your partner masturbate while you watch, giving you the time to collect yourself and watch a sexy show at the same time?
This is a real good read! I think this does effect a lot of guys though, the moment after we ejaculate is bliss and I think @JoCat is right there is something underlying that perhaps makes us a little selfish woohoo I’m done look at me, wow that was good for me I feel amazing there’s no way she/he doesn’t now . As far as I know there is a hormone responsible for this, we have two for this, one that gives us the errection in the first place and one that takes it away. This is one of the causes of ED. Some will have to much of the latter hormone. Could this be why we suffer with the refractory period? Maybe we need to stop producing that hormone to feel excited again?
Personally I can go numerous times now (not every time but a lot)
We started off by kissing after she had given me a BJ without me cumming, then I would go down on her without cuming inside her and moved up the ladder! Eventually we could have snowball kisses and I would enjoy a decent creampie! For me it was a little bit of a mental block trying to get over that initial feeling of extasy and carry on regardless. In the end it would get quite messy
Unfortunately for me I don’t actually cum a great deal and I’m putting it down to age (mid 40s) so carrying on for a few times certainly helps
I would suggest, try a complete switch of the rhythm of how you’ve been playing after you cum. If you’ve been going hard, fast and wild, slow things right down. Take it right back to starting with kisses. Slowly work through kissing and teasing erogenous zones on each other, really gentle stimulation. Whether that’s you relax and let her softly give you attention or vice verse, try different ways.
Or maybe while lying there in a post sex haze, pop on some audio erotica in the back ground and just chill together, let yourselves get turned on again.
You could also see about moving location after the first go? Get out of bed and shower together? Or if you’ve been on the sofa move it to the bedroom? That sort of thing.
Edit: I know you may be looking for something that’s a quicker switch back on, but trying some of these might be a good way of gradually training your body to expect Round 2, so it doesn’t just think of the old “well I’ve done my bit, it’s up to the swimmers now” sort of natural instinct.
I disagree that men are necessarily selfish but we don’t easily get multiple orgasms in the way that women can or can recover as quickly. Staying in the mindspace as @JoCat puts it is certainly key and partners can certainly help each other. If my partner needs more she’ll sometimes grab a toy, sit on my face and grind or suck me back to erection. Her enthusiasm and seeing just how horny she is for more will be enough to put me back in the mood especially when she combines it with some dirty talk about her need to be penetrated. I might not ejaculate again or if i do it will be a lesser amount but I’ll get the same high just seeing her orgasm.
I don’t know if this will be helpful, but my husband can (most of the time) control his orgasms when having penetrative sex. His cock throbs and a small amount of cum cums out, and he stays hard and carries on, repeating the throbbing and little drop of cum thing well over a dozen times. It is purely a mental control thing. He learned he could do it early on, and perfected it over the years. It’s like he gets in the zone. It also means that when he finally finishes cumming, he’s up for whatever comes next, cream pies, licking me to orgasm, whatever, and his rebound time is fairly good, and he gets to go again, even if there isn’t much cum left to deposit.
Compare that with masturbation, when he’s one and done and his brain gets out of the zone immediately. Thus, he doesn’t masturbate much, preferring to be penetrating.
It sounds like your husband has great self control. I wonder if he’s using a mix of kegal and tantric methods to prolong the events and in a sense have dry organs
The pelvic muscles are trained to shut down the flow like stopping you pee any time you go to the toilet mid stream.
While he’s also able to disassociate the pleasure from the pleasure and enjoy it while not ejaculating at the same time.
I remember @Tenshadesandme saying she had practiced tantric methods. I wonder if she has any extra input for this.
A bit general to say men are selfish, although I’m sure plenty are.
I’m certainly not! Although being a member of this forum probably suggests that - here we all, or at least most, want to give and share advice for better sex for all.
That said, I need hours before I could ejaculate again - I am one (big, often loud!) one and done, and we’re both happy with that.
I don’t think you’ll be able to ‘hack’ this through any technique or diet change.
Perhaps the issue your facing here is that it’s all around your drive for seconds, which naturally dips once you’ve orgasmed.
After orgasm, I’d reccomend switching your attention to your partner, or as others have said allow her to pleasure herself whilst you watch. By doing so, you’ll likely find the arousal again and once back you can jump back in (for want of a better phrase).
Although I can’t fact check this as I have the opposite problem that I stay hard and aroused even after orgasm for quite some time - also frustrating
Mr W can rise to the occasion a few minutes after orgasm just by continuing to play with me in whatever way he chooses, eg kissing, playing with my boobs or going down on me … he can actually do this a number of times and I haven’t ever timed him but I seem to remember that after each time he cums the wait until he is hard again gets a little bit longer. I remember that when we first got together he was a once-a-night guy, but that seemed to change over the first 24 months we were together. Or he can extend the love-making so that he approaches a climax and then backs off the thrusting, but still playing, for a while and then start thrusting again - this backing off and then continuing carries on until he allows himself to climax. Each time he backs off he does exude a bit of what we call “pre-cum” (if he extracts himself) but what that actually is we don’t know. How he does all this we have no idea, no special diet, no special practice or training, he can just do it … so I am sorry I can’t advise you how to achieve it …
I can cum twice in 20 mins and 3 times in an hour but only if its been a few days since i last ejaculated.
I like to tie her up, fuck her and cum on her face. Then she will suck me until im ready to go again and then ill fuck her whilst she has my cum on her face and then ill cum in her pussy. It drives her wild.
) or as you are cumming the first time use your kegal muscles to stop the flow and to ruin the orgasm so can go a second time.
thank you to all involved 
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and I think