i wnt a dom and sub relationship with my fiance, but we don't know where to start? i love the idea of being sexully dominated and i already let him do as he pleases with me... i do what he tells me and it really excites me but i want to no more :)
Me and my OH have this kind of relationship in the bedroom. It's very much about knowing when to be in a dom/sub scene or when to have vanilla sex. With us its if one of us just fancies 'scening' we will initiate it, either by her saying something naughty and calling me sir or by waiting on the bed or in bedroom on her knees - or a submissive position - partially clothed or naked. For me to initiate a scene I have certain ways of talking to her, mainly she says it's about seeing the change in my eyes when I become serious and tell (not ask!) her to do something, usually calling her by a predetermined sub name. This doesn't have to be anything demeaning - we both hate the use of words like slut and whore in bed - just has to be something that you've agreed on being for this kind of situation. Could be a pet name or a random name (i call my OH angel or little miss) that you assign to this. For us it's when I call her by a sub name that she knows to do it. Then it's just about being authoritive, telling her what to do. Just make sure you have safe words - we have one 'stop everything' safe word and one 'ask me what's wrong' safe word. If the sessions going to be particularly intense it might be good for the dom to check the sub knows their safe word(s) before the session, both to check that they can stop it if they need to and to indirectly tell the sub it may be intense or push boundaries.
Other than that it's just about talking about ideas for what you want to do or what toys you want to use etc. Make sure you agree on hard limits too, that's a must.
Sometimes it's just spontaneous and you take it as it comes, sometimes it can be planned and set up, awaiting the dom or sub's return etc.
Hope any/all of this information helps. Feel free to ask more questions if you still have unanswered ones.
J
thats great advice :) what toys would you suggest are good in a D/s situation? i have no idea we have hand cuffs blindfold and ankle ties also a vibrater type thing lol what else would you suggest?
Well like I said it's all about talking and what you feel comfortable with. There have been times when my OH was dead set against toys and anal play. Now they are both a regular part of our sex life both because i wanted to introduce them and reassured her about them and because in the dom/sub situation i get to push boundaries and see what happens.
We have an array of toys, and dom/sub is not all about bdsm, so it doesn't have to be all about tying up etc. As you've said you'd be the sub so a lot of what happens comes from the dom, especially with tying up etc, its where his desires are. Me and my OH only play mildly in this, she has fears of being too restrained so we adhere to only legs OR wrists being restrained at once, no hands behind backs and a few more, but this is because we spoke about it. I still have many desires that would involve her getting past this kind of thing but whether I fulfill them will be a matter of time, talking and slowly breaking down boundaries.
As for other toys, well we own an assortment. Hand cuffs, ankle ties and blindfolds are great for starters, and a vibrator is a good start too. We own an assortment of vibrators, g-spot vibrators and bullets mainly, whilst also owning a dildo, flogger, nipple clamps, cock ring, a love egg and a couple of new anal toys.
The main thing I would say is for your fiancé to let his mind wander occasionally, I did that last night and my OH had the time of her life because of it today. I would say some form of punishment type toy is good, a flogger is a good way to start, although a crop and whips etc can also be used. There doesn't have to be a particularly punishing aspect to your dom/sub relationship, and you could start off with spanking, and make a purchase if you overly enjoy it. My OH has asked me outside of scene why i spank/flog/punish her, and I've said it's just because we both enjoy it, not because she's done anything. There's always different ways for punishments too, by making the sub lie down, bend over or stand up varies it a little, whilst adding other toys like love eggs (if you've read fifty shades you'll be familiar with ben wa balls and spanking) and other toys like butt plugs.
A lot of what I've said is circumstantial as it applies to the wants and likes of myself and my OH, but then you did ask for ideas...Anyway it's very important to have a think and talk about what you want, what you'd like to try, what your soft limits are (barrier that he can try and break down, like slowly introducing you to anal etc) or hard limits like I said earlier. Any toy can be used in dom/sub relationships, and if you're looking for me to say buy this or buy that I won't, because no toy is a sure thing. Everyone buys toys that they don't particuarly like and some point or another, and other toys take some getting used, although there's some that hit the spot right away, so it's trial and error in this with things you'd like to try.
My main recommendation is to sit down with your fiancé, discuss what things you'd like to try and have a thorough look through the whole of the LoveHoney website (or another of your choosing) and make a wishlist. Maybe make a few purchases now, keep them by the bed and when these dom/sub scenes happen he can delve into the bag to see what he wants to try. If you're blindfolded the zip or sound of that bag opening will turn you on in of itself, trust me.
So my main recommendations are -
- talk, set limits and decide on safe words.
- look through LoveHoney and make a wish list of toys, purchasing some now if you feel the need.
- discuss the toys or acts you wish to do before partaking in them (that doesn't mean straight before).
- trust your dom.
- always clean your toys afterwards.
- Sit down afterwards (or in the after-sex cuddling) and discuss what you did, what you both liked and disliked. The more detailed you are here the more likely you are to continually have a better time.
- and my final tip, don't expect things to change overnight, that first dom/sub scene might be both of you getting past worries or embarassing moments etc, just be fun and loving and remember to have a laugh if anything does go wrong, not an argument.
J
Toys wise depending on what you & your partner set boundaries as there as some fanatstic things whips crops paddles for your punishment toy http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=19604 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25827 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=21800
Pleasure toy you could use have wands so he in control of your pleasure http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22097 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25608 or if you can blow the budget http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20464 or a toy he could control but not near you - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15667
D/s relationships are what you make it everyone has a different way of doing things each may not be right for you . My best advice is commication & having the trust with each other & for the sub to truly let the dom control it all & having that faith in them to know what you can & can't take . A safe word is needed so that if it gets too much everything stop inmeditaley no matter what but the who idea of a d/s is that your dom knows your boundaries so that the safe word isnt used as they know how far to push you keeping you on edge , but its their for your safety at the end of the day which is paramount .
Maybe read a little to give you ideas of course there is the usually 50 shades of grey but there is better books I have read the following - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25910 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18556
Take baby steps enjoy it and learn from each other & the best experience is doing it over and over again : P
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Maybe read a little to give you ideas of course there is the usually 50 shades of grey but there is better books I have read the following - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25910 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18556
I have read the first book (The Diary of a Submissive) and must say it is both an excellent read and a fantastic help with d/s relationships
J
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Maybe read a little to give you ideas of course there is the usually 50 shades of grey but there is better books I have read the following - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25910 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18556
I have read the first book (The Diary of a Submissive) and must say it is both an excellent read and a fantastic help with d/s relationships
J
They are indeed i read loads of erotica some are just crap & some are really good & the Diary of a Sub is good gives an great understanding
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Maybe read a little to give you ideas of course there is the usually 50 shades of grey but there is better books I have read the following - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25910 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18556
I have read the first book (The Diary of a Submissive) and must say it is both an excellent read and a fantastic help with d/s relationships
J
They are indeed i read loads of erotica some are just crap & some are really good & the Diary of a Sub is good gives an great understanding
I've read quite a lot too, always used to use sites like literotica.com for their stories as erotica when I was younger (i flicked between porn and stories).
My first book purchase was 'Rock my Socks Off' which was good at the time but okay in retrospect to what else I've read. I've since read Fifty Shades, the Cross series, Diary of a Sub and it's sequel 'No ordinary Love Story', plus Roni Loren series - 'Crash Into You', 'Melt Into You' and 'Fall Into You'.
I think the more you read the vaster your knowledge on d/s becomes, you can continually see others wants and dislikes, understand how both doms and subs operate and understand how you want to be in that role.
J
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Maybe read a little to give you ideas of course there is the usually 50 shades of grey but there is better books I have read the following - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25910 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18556
I have read the first book (The Diary of a Submissive) and must say it is both an excellent read and a fantastic help with d/s relationships
J
They are indeed i read loads of erotica some are just crap & some are really good & the Diary of a Sub is good gives an great understanding
I've read quite a lot too, always used to use sites like literotica.com for their stories as erotica when I was younger (i flicked between porn and stories).
My first book purchase was 'Rock my Socks Off' which was good at the time but okay in retrospect to what else I've read. I've since read Fifty Shades, the Cross series, Diary of a Sub and it's sequel 'No ordinary Love Story', plus Roni Loren series - 'Crash Into You', 'Melt Into You' and 'Fall Into You'.
I think the more you read the vaster your knowledge on d/s becomes, you can continually see others wants and dislikes, understand how both doms and subs operate and understand how you want to be in that role.
J
Yes most definatly I have so far since getting my kindle in May read 45 books lol I think I am addicted , I love reading about them I didnt know the sub had a sequel think I will download that . I like its to give a understanding of what a sub feels & experience fully aware its not real life but gives you a good insight .
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Maybe read a little to give you ideas of course there is the usually 50 shades of grey but there is better books I have read the following - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25910 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18556
I have read the first book (The Diary of a Submissive) and must say it is both an excellent read and a fantastic help with d/s relationships
J
They are indeed i read loads of erotica some are just crap & some are really good & the Diary of a Sub is good gives an great understanding
I've read quite a lot too, always used to use sites like literotica.com for their stories as erotica when I was younger (i flicked between porn and stories).
My first book purchase was 'Rock my Socks Off' which was good at the time but okay in retrospect to what else I've read. I've since read Fifty Shades, the Cross series, Diary of a Sub and it's sequel 'No ordinary Love Story', plus Roni Loren series - 'Crash Into You', 'Melt Into You' and 'Fall Into You'.
I think the more you read the vaster your knowledge on d/s becomes, you can continually see others wants and dislikes, understand how both doms and subs operate and understand how you want to be in that role.
J
Yes most definatly I have so far since getting my kindle in May read 45 books lol I think I am addicted , I love reading about them I didnt know the sub had a sequel think I will download that . I like its to give a understanding of what a sub feels & experience fully aware its not real life but gives you a good insight .
Exactly my opinion, although, as a dom, I found it good in some books where the dom's thoughts are portrayed, especially in some of the Roni Loren books.
The diary of a sub sequel is excellent, the final chapter of diary of a sub describes a future scene, and the sequel basically explains that some what, basically who the man is and their journey (that's why it's called 'No Ordinary Love Story').
From what you've said about your reading habits I'd say its a must read for you.
J
I have just downloaded it on the kindle look forward to reading it i am dyselxic I hate reading but my god these books I am reading like 3 a week lol clearly gets the brain ticking over and educational as well lol
I imagine it leads to all kinds of things in bed too. Telling your OH of the stories and how they spur your imagination?
J
Long Time Cumiing wrote:
I imagine it leads to all kinds of things in bed too. Telling your OH of the stories and how they spur your imagination?
J
It does when I see him I am in a LDR with T , thank god we have txts email post whatapps
KinkyFuckery wrote:
It does when I see him I am in a LDR with T , thank god we have txts email post whatapps
Well then I imagine it leads to a lot of sexting and semailing (no that doesn't really working, sexy emailing - you know what i mean!) building up to seeing each other.
I'm lucky that my OH enjoys reading all the books I do and has become open minded during our relationship both about most kinds of sexual play and a d/s relationship - I'm a lucky man!
J
semailing is that an old man trying to be cool & hip with the kids ? lol PMSL .
Yes can lead to alot of sexting which is nice indeed but its so much better in real life love when we get together. T is very open minded ne open my mind alot indeed which is lovely have a great relationship trust & commication . These books try & help me try one step ahead of him being a Dom doesnt really work I never know which way hes going lol
KinkyFuckery wrote:
semailing is that an old man trying to be cool & hip with the kids ? lol PMSL .
Yes can lead to alot of sexting which is nice indeed but its so much better in real life love when we get together. T is very open minded ne open my mind alot indeed which is lovely have a great relationship trust & commication . These books try & help me try one step ahead of him being a Dom doesnt really work I never know which way hes going lol
That's the way the best doms are.
And actually semailing is a 20 y.o just having a blonde moment! lol
Or being the normal, stupid and idiotic male that he is!
J
Yeah yeah never heard of that in my life & I am 27 : P
He is fabulous
KinkyFuckery wrote:
Yeah yeah never heard of that in my life & I am 27 : P
He is fabulous
Maybe sexmailing works better?
J
Kinkyfuckery have you thought about audiobooks? My son is dyslexic so I understand your pain and I bet some of these books sound incredibly hot listening to them, rather than reading them.
what are these books called? i am very intrested :) lol
btw i havn't read 50 shades i prefer pleasing my master a week with my romainian by steffie dawn :) absolutly brilliant http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=node%3D154606011&field-keywords=pleasing+my+master