Hi all, I need advice and general reassurance please!
met a guy on a dating app, chatted a few weeks, met up in real life last Sunday and got on really well. Since then we have been chatting and texting a lot. I have date number 2 tonight. I haven't done the dating thing in 15 years and I'm so nervous!
theres obvious chemistry there, but I also want to see if this could last (not looking for a quick fling) so is jumping into bed with someone after a couple of dates a No-no? Is there a correct amount of time to wait? And does sex too early on necessarily mean the relationship is doomed? Aaaaaagh! Then there's the fact that I'm not a vanilla person at all, but as I'm quite shy in day to day life, I have no idea how and when to bring that up :-/
i realise I'm acting like a 13 year old girl, but for a pub meal as a second date, what do I wear? Jeans, dress, skirt? And do I put my hair up or down? answers welcome ASAP please! x
I can imagine that dating again after 15 years is pretty nerve wracking but you've already got that first date hurdle out of the way so try to relax and enjoy it! Personally I'd give it a few more dates before sex just to make sure that you're ready, there's no need to rush and if he's a nice guy who really likes you he'll be ok with that.
I agree with Lollipop, jeans and hair down, the main thing is that you feel comfortable and relaxed.
As regards the kinky aspect, probably best to wait till your relationship is established sexually first and you gradually discover what you both like ( you never know, he might be kinkier than you !)
First date with OH I wore jeans and a nice blouse. We had sex on the third date so I can't judge but just make sure you're comfortable, considering how nervous you seem I'd say sex is a no no. Definitely wait after being in a relationship a while before you mention kink. I was with OH months before we even mentioned anal
Hey :) my OH was my friend before we got together and I remember our first date Bloody hell I was so nervous, I just went super casual as if I wasn't fussed but I was kinda look if u get me.. I wore jeans and a top and I wore my hair up.. I wore minimal makeup but powered in my eyebrows and some mascara and gloss... But casual.. :) I also made him wait well over a month to have sex.. Killed me and I know it killed him but I wanted to be sure.. Be urself and best of luck and remember breathe lol, enjoy X
You are all lovely.. Thank you! I have jeans and a nice top ready as well as a simple dress that I like... Will have to see which one I reach for when I get out of the bath! Lol. I think the difficulty is that I want sex, and soon, but I don't want to jeopardise something that could be more. This one actually gets my sense of humour... That's a first!
It doesn't matter when you have sex, as long as you're sure. We had three dates in three days and it absolutely killed me waiting that long! Have fun and go with your gut
Thank you guys so much! The date was great, although we ended up snogging outside the place like bloody teenagers... Now the difficulty is next time! I don't want to continue making out in public (small town, I work in a church :-/) but I don't want to go back to his or vice versa just yet in case it's all a bit too soon. Now what?!
My advice re having sex - it won't make any difference to the relationship, it's just whether it makes a difference to you.
If he's interested in the long run then he won't leave you just because you've slept with him. If he's just looking to get laid then he might well keep going until you give in!
The only important question is: if you knew that you'd never see him again after tonight, would you want to sleep with him? If you'd feel bad if you slept together and then he left then wait until you're as sure as you can be; if you're feeling that in the event it won't go anywhere then you might as well have some fun then have some fun.
After 15 years... I can see the in the wings desire to get things cooking.... But if you have the chance....get to know each other first is worth it. There sounds like you have chemistry.... And both had the strength to hold back Take a venue that is still neutral... And see where it goes. Gl
Lol! It's not that I haven't had sex in 15 years (thank god!) but I met the ex husband that long ago, and since we split up I've only really had a FB so haven't been on dates/ the start of a real relationship for that long, if that makes sense!
It went really well tonight, I feel a lot more confident about taking things forward in our own time. I know he wants it as much as I do, but I also know he's willing to wait... Time will tell.
I'm also aware that there can be a 'false' sense of knowing someone... Although I've now met him just twice, the fact that we talk to each other a LOT during the day for the last few weeks means that I feel like I know him better than I actually do! This is new to me as well... 15 years ago I didn't have online forums and easy texting!
He he....enjoy the art of sexting ....was never around when I was originally dating in my student/ pre marriage/ pre kids stage. DL kik and kik video....you can then send saucy pics and vids without running up a huge bill...( I did that on my first sexting session... Normal phone packages charge to sent images via msn
The date went really well in a haphazard kind of way... We got to the pub for a meal just before 8 only to find they stopped serving food at 6!! We waked around a lot to find somewhere so I'm glad I was comfy... It also gave us time to chat and laugh about it.
at the end we were making out like teenagers - bus stop sex in the small town where I work in a church wasn't exactly a good idea, I'm glad we managed to put the breaks on!
He came over last night for a cuppa (HA!! And things got very very heated... Half the clothes came off but I managed to keep the bottom halves on which was really really difficult. He is as frustrated as I am but is ok to wait til I'm ready, which is really nice.
im in danger here... I really really like this guy, he may be the only man who has ever been able to keep up with my fast, sarcastic, and ridiculously filthy sense of humour; is incredibly funny, seems to have the same values, and looks like he may have a sex drive to match mine (will have to wait and see on that one.... Mine is far higher than anyone else I've ever known.)
and I just keep walking around with a massive grin on my face and butterflies (lust!) in my tummy :-)
Hmmm.... Sounds like you have Found a fella who is ticking a lot of boxes... You still have been able to keep the breaks on.....both of you....but it sounds like you are both clicking. Go😊