So me and the other half have been together for a long time, and recently I found this website and we bought our 1st sex toy(mini wand).
We had it in the house for over a year and never got round to using it as she was to embarrassed.
Finally got to use it one day and all I can say is wow, she loved it. Never have I ever seen her orgasm like that and with me in control I absolutely loved it also.
With her saying how good it was I decided to buy a couple more clit stimulation tools and a dildo.
We are still yet to use the dildo as she is put off by it and says: why do I need to use that when I have yours. Which is absolutely fine by me as it is her body.
She was more adventurous at the beginning of the relationship but now I am trying to push things forward sexually as I feel things have become a bit stale, but The other half calls me a pervert when we talk about anything to do with sex or mention some new things we could try.
Does anybody else get called a pervert for trying to introduce new toys to the bedroom or different sexual activities?
Hi @Jaydee88, definitely never associated toys with being a pervert! Itās perfectly normal to enjoy toys both as an individual and as a couple.
Maybe it is because you are pushing her too much? Might she be objecting to being pushed to try something she doesnāt want to try rather than the toys themselves? Iām not saying that you are pushing her but might she perceive it this way? Might be worth backing off a bit and telling her that they are there if she wants to play with them on her own or with you and letting her take the lead.
I have been called a pervert by my wife and many others . I think it is because I wished to go beyond the missionary position ! When we were a couple decades younger she was active in the sexual realms , but would still call me a pervert occasionally . After attending a general party and have more than a few drinks we had had a good round of sex and were69 ing and all of a sudden I felt a finger in my bum . I was surprised and came to find out she had wanted to do anal play for years . I did not call her a pervert . It almost seems like calling us perverts is an auto defense mechanism . Others call me a dirty old man and I correct them to sexy senior citizen . I usually thank them for noticing . So being called that name never bothered me too much . If you do not ask , you will never know , and often they may warm up to the idea after thinking about it . Good luck good Sir .
I donāt think sex toys make you a pervert but it sounds like thatās the only language your OH has to let you know that sheās uncomfortable with the conversations? People can often throw in derogatory terms as a way to shut something down.
If toys make you a pervert Iām the biggest one. Got a crazy toy collection. Some people just donāt understand how incredible toys can be. Perhaps communicate with her and see what you can introduce
/ĖpÉĖrvÉĖrt/ (also informal perv) āa person whose sexual behaviour is not thought to be normal or acceptable by most people synonym deviant
I think in todayās western world having sex toys is not at all abnormal and therefore I donāt think I know anyone who would consider it perverted. From my own opinion, there are plenty of sexual fetishes and play that Iām not into and probably arenāt āthe normā but honestly any legal sexual activity where all participants are fully on board is absolutely fine and acceptable as far as Iām concerned.
I think as @Oldman suggests, the use of the term in your wifeās case is probably an auto defence mechanism rather than a carefully considered opinion. If she is feeling pressurised at all she will probably push much more vehemently away than if she is left to explore at her own pace. If the wand works and sheās happy with that, great. There are more options to explore but maybe you need to let her have a peruse of the site and see if thereās anything she fancies trying rather than producing purchases youāve made for her.
I donāt think using sex toys makes anyone a pervert but then Iām more on the āanything is fine as long as itās safe, sane and consensualā side of things. Certainly I would say using toys is pretty mainstream these days. Personally, I have quite a few.
I take it sheās definitely using āpervertā in a negative sense? My husband sometimes confesses that he feels doing certain things is a bit perverted but Itās clear that heās turned on by the idea.
I say embrace your inner āpervertā and slowly bring your wife along for the ride. Best of luck!
Thank you everyone, maybe I am being a bit pushy. But all I want to do is talk about to find out if there is something we have both wanted but to shy to talk about.
I also believe toys are becoming more of the norm in a relationship and from the little toys we have I feel like it has really opened my eyes to what more sexual fun we could encounter.
You can get an app on your phone where you each get a tick list of things youād like to try, and then it shows you all the things you matched on (and keeps the non-matches to itself ). That could be a good way of starting off a conversation?
I can never remember what itās called though. Iāve done this several times now, so hopefully I can find something in the Search.
Edit: Desire, Spicer, and Kindu. Kindu got a couple of positive responses.
@Jaydee88 it does seem as though she may just feel really embarrassed about using toys or about enjoying them because she doesnāt feel itās the norm.
I must admit when I was younger, I would sometimes throw around words like that just to close an idea down or maybe because I didnāt know how to talk about it.
But it was never meant seriously as I didnāt actually mean it like that - but then, I donāt know how it came across.
It might actually be a really good idea to get her involved in the website so she can have a good look and see if thereās anything she fancies trying for herself - you could ask her to have a look as you want to treat her to something just for fun.
Also, involving her in the forum may help her to see all the things she could be missing out on and may give her ideas of things sheād like to try.
Definitely not a pervert (abnormal sexual behaviour)
There are sex toys that I use myself, that other half isnāt really interested in, but she has never related it to being a pervert.
Hi @Jaydee88
Definitely not a pervert and thereās nothing wrong with wanting to please your OH or yourself for that matter as long as you are both happy. I would suggest talking it through just ask what she would like, the worst that can happen is you feel the same way as you do now.
My OH also doesnāt want to use a dildo but is happy with a vibrator we suggest toys for each other not every suggestion is met with a smile but we look forward to our next toy.
I realise that in the context that the OP brought it up, his partner was using it in a negative way, but if by her standards, you are being āpervertedā, in the context of a loving consensual relationship, so what?
You could take the negative connotation to the term and use it in your response. Acknowledge that what she perceives as being perverted is beyond her understanding of ānormalā, but that for you its completely erotic exploring each other. Normalise as much as you can the activities, take away stigma by not giving it power.
I personally have not been called a pervert, but toys can be great fun.
Maybe talk to your partner, scroll through the website together and whilst doing that, ask her or each other what kind of toys youāre both comfortable with.
Alternatively if thatās too much, tell her how you feel. Tell her the importance of why you would think using toys will spice up the bedroom life.
). That could be a good way of starting off a conversation?
Iāve done this several times now, so hopefully I can find something in the Search. 