Being a female, I cant orgasm during sex. And man, I am jealous of those who can. And I always just feel really down, like im a burden to my SO as he always has to play with me just after cumming himself when hes already so exhausted. I just feel like im abnormal and hate myself for not being able to do a basic biological thing, you know? Does anyone else feel this down? Abnormal? Wrong?
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I think youâre putting a lot of pressure on yourself for something that the majority of women donât experience. Its not a basic biological thing.
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I spent 2 weeks with my long distance OH for the first time, and no matter how often we did it, or what we did, I couldnât actually orgasm. I was putting a lot of pressure on myself about it, which definitely didnât help. I canât finish from penetration alone, either.
Although despite not experiencing a full orgasm, I still felt satisfied. It can take a lot of time to get to know your partnerâs body, so just keep exploring and trying new things, and maybe you can get there.
Yeah maybe. It just feels like im not doing good enough in sex. My partner sometimes worries hes not pleasuring me properly. Thankfully ive convinced him otherwise.
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So youre saying its possible? Just with the right things? How âŚ
Everyoneâs bodies different, so what works for one may not work for another
Personally I know that I need clit stimulation in order to have an actual orgasm, and when I go back to see my partner, thatâs our next âexperimentâ to try and get me over that edge.
I also personally need to work on the mental aspect of it, as I hadnât really been with anyone for a long while, so trying to relax was tough.
Itâs really about trying things out and figuring out your body together, unfortunately I canât be much more help, as Iâm still yet to get there too (although Iâll be back at my partnerâs in a couple of months to try and figure it out)
Iâd recommend checking out the book âCome as You Are,â itâs great for people like myself who find it extremely difficult to cum. Thereâs a workbook you can get with it too. But the more you pressure yourself the harder it is to achieve orgasm so try to find satisfaction in other ways.
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I donât think you are unusual in not orgasming during PIV as many ladies are unable too. May be get your partner to get you to orgasm before hand rather than afterwards. Try using some toys or getting him to go down on you ?
Exactly what @mb05 said, use your hands yourself or a wand and make yourself orgasm while you have sex.
Like anything in life, you have to make it work for you and if one thing doesnât work, then try something else.
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Its very common. I cant orgasm with PIV alone. Hubby will either concentrate on me before penetration or he will make me wait and i will play with myself during sex so that we can orgasm together. I think youre putting alot of pressure on yourself. We live aspects of our lives in a BDSM lifestyle and he uses it to his advantage when it comes to my orgasms. We do alot of edging or use wearable vibrators through the day etc. He tries to ensure that my orgasms are explosive as possible. Focus on orgasming in the ways that you know you can do and keep experimenting. Dont try and force it.
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Iâm the same if you rely on piv then this very often does not work for us women as the clit is not being touched and if you watch porn it seems the woman orgasm at the slightest touch - this is just rubbish
Personally I would say that he needs to play with you do much more before he takes his pleasure or switch up to oral pleasure (such as 69) or try anal
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Yeah same, he will toy me as âpunishmentâ which can make me cum, but i just feel bad when i cant cum on his dick like he really wants me to. Thanks for your comment
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In 48 years together my wife has rarely orgasmed from penetration alone but I love it when she uses a wand, vibrator or bullet on herself when Iâm inside her vagina or anus.
Iâm sure your partner would be happy for you to help yourself along in the same way.
Crikey, perhaps you watch too much porn (who am I kidding⌠no one can watch too much porn, surely? 
) and got the wrong ideaâŚ
The vast majority of woman, probably 80 to 90%, do not orgasm from penetration alone. It can feel great, intimate, pleasurable, but for most, still no orgasms.
My wife is clitoral, and i try my hardest to satisfy her that way, though even there, it depends on tiredness and where in her cycle she is for her to orgasm.
Welcome to reality.
Find a clit toy you enjoy, incorporate it in your intercourse, with him or yourself controlling it.
Also, sometimes my wife doesnât want me to make her come. Sheâs at times very happy for me to âuseâ her. Thatâs OK too. But it looks like you need to take control of your needs.
I know from a male perspective, i love to make my wife come before me with one of her favourite vibes.
Most women dont come from penetration alone. Im one of them. And i definitely dont feel bad about it. Thrusting in and out of the vag does nothing for me. I need clitoral stimulation and a lot of fantasising because my partner is not very experimental and loses confidence very easily. I dont expect him to feel bad that i dont come and to be honest him wanting me to come through piv sex? Well⌠my body just doesnt work like that and neither does yours. Youre both putting a lot of pressure on you to do something that isnt actually possible for you. If you come be clitoral stimulation then try a bullet vibe during sex or a vibrating cock attachment. But most of all stop being so hard on yourself.
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Ive only ever cummed during sex maybe a handful of times, he makes me cum but mostly through oralâŚso i wouldnt be too harsh on yourself! Itâll be very normal to not orgasm during sex. So long as he pleasures you at some point during! 
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I couldnât for a long time then somehow I could for a while but then for some reason I couldnât again and he did not change anything he was doing it was all my end that changed - imagine that - you know you can, but you canât now 
So I totally get the frustration.
Things Iâve found helped:
- breathe deeply and mindfully during PIV. Tell him beforehand you will be focusing on the sensations. This is important as when you are mindfully focusing on your vagina and what it feels like try to stop thinking about where your hands are or what heâs doing with his mouth (or you, yours) at the same time. (Once youâve got it and youâve learned how to orgasm that way you can start adding back in any antics youâd usually do during)
- relax, how tense are you? The only thing that should be tensing is your pelvic floor. And even then it shouldnât be tense but âexercisingâ.
- speaking of, do some Kegels and tone your pelvic floor. Only good things can come from this.
- try the CAT position if you havenât already, LH has it somewhere in the position of the day archives and itâs googleable. In a nutshell itâs missionary that includes the clit
- donât be afraid of using toys at the same time. Standing doggy while using a wand is one of our favourites, but thereâs tons of ways to incorporate clit stimulation toys at the same time
- stop thinking about the orgasm and live second by second on focusing only on how the sensations feel. This will take practice but itâs the one thing that has helped
- youâll more likely orgasm the more aroused you are. Do the most experimenting when you are fertile (unless you are on contraception).
- Discuss with your partner about foreplay. Spend an excessively long time on foreplay as an experiment and see what it does.
- know that you arenât alone, itâs super common, even after trying everything it might still not happen. Try not to feel broken, you are not. Itâs completely normal, so mindfully take that pressure off yourself. If you are feeling bad for him âfinishing youâ afterwards just discuss with him about you orgasming first and how thatâd look in your dynamic.
Enjoy the experimenting 
As a straight male, Iâve only been with 2 women in the past who were able to orgasm through penetration (with me at least). For one it was pretty regular, especially in certain positions. The other was a long-term girlfriend, and it just happened by surprise one night. Angles!!
I know thereâs a lot of info out there that says most women donât orgasm from penetration alone ⌠but a lot of the old advice is getting debunked these days by people who know better.
The key thing being that, if youâre stressed or thinking too much about it, it probably wonât happen.
Besides, is your guy really complaining about it ⌠or are you just feeling self-conscious. No need to. Hey, why not try sex where YOU orgasm first, then he can have his fun. Why does he have to be first? 
Slightly different angle here as I always orgasm through sex now, and all the other ways also, but didnât used to as much boyfriend would cum too quickly and not get me there. He learnt to do lots of foreplay and he would use my vibrator on me so I got to my orgasm to make up for not cumming during PIV.
Since he has been on some SSRI medication a side effect has been that he can go for ages without cumming so I always get enough to orgasm 2-3 times if I want. Often now he doesnât actually orgasm himself but says he feels fine as he doesnât feel the same need to cum.
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BIG point youâve made.
To properly stimulate the internal structure of the clitoris well enough - and long enough - for an orgasm through penetration, you need a penis that can stay hard and last the distance ⌠or a good dildo/vibrator!!
⌠and LOTS of foreplay!!