Yeah a lot of the time i dont want to. And i have never watched porn lol. Bringing in toys hasnt really worked very well because we are a little bigger than some, so getting a toy in there is a bit difficult. I just want to be able to follow my masters orders, and all of them. I love it when he punishes me for not doing things but i wish i could follow his order when he tells me to cum, but i cant. Idek what im saying anymore.
Let your master read this thread and then heāll realise that heās asking you for something that not many vulva owners can achieve and that its causing you to be unhappy. As a āmasterā, Iād expect him to know how womens bodies work.
Have you considered wands? Some of them have pretty long handle, which can open up some angles and increased distances for reach.
Also great as a clit torture toy if thatās your thing.
I guess you are talking about PIV sex rather than cumming from anything else? You say that you can orgasm post sex with stimulation so I guess that other play can stimulate you sufficiently?
As a guy I enjoy sex but donāt think of sex just as PIV, I enjoy all forms of play with my SO which Iād term as sex although most would consider either for play or some Don/sub play. I love it all and certainly donāt feel sad if I donāt orgasm.
Iāve talked to my SO about this too. As sheās aged, gained experience, relaxed, weāve learned more about each and bought a few toys to help she orgasms more frequently and can orgasm from PIV. Sheāll often have multiple orgasms these days when we play but certainly in our early days together she would sometimes struggle but never felt sad if it didnāt happen.
Regarding PIV sex my partner usually needs some good forplay before hand and most likely at least one orgasm before any penetration if she is going to orgasm during sex. We will also sometimes include stimulation of her clit with fingers or toys to help. There are also some positions that work best for her, doggy being one that often finishes her off
If my SO is still wanting after my orgasm then Iām more than happy to help her. I love getting her off and the joy of seeing her cum no matter how exhausted I am.
A long post but I suppose my takeaway would be that sex for me and my SO is enjoyable and orgasms are a bonus. If you are feeling frustrated at not cumming from PIV then donāt feel guilty that your SO is helping you afterwards Iām sure he loves it. If you would really like to orgasm from PIV then see if orgasming before PIV helps, work out positions you really enjoy and consider adding finger toys to help you.
I was like this for years, I didnāt think I was capable of orgasming during sex, so I either had to do it during foreplay, just after, or go without. It took a lot of experimentation with the right partner (who ended up becoming my husband) to figure out what worked for me, and his patience & enthusiasm played a big role in that.
What works for me is either pairing toys with sex (such as a wand or vibrating cock ring), or letting my husband get me right to the edge during foreplay, then immediately sinking into me, with barely any pause in between. Itās often easier if Iām on top, so I can grind my pelvis against him and get the friction I need. Even with all of that, itās not always easy, and there are plenty of times that I canāt climax during sex. The stars have to align perfectly for it all to work!
Edited to add: we are both on the heavy side too, I just noticed your comment above about toys not working well. Wands can be really good for this, as they have long handles to reach around your curvy parts, and the vibrations are really strong, so itās easier to feel.
It doesnāt make you a failure, it just means you have something in common with the majority of women who also canāt orgasm from penetration alone. Youāre completely normal.
Itās ok to need extra stimulation and play after your partner is finished. Penetrative sex is not the āclimaxā (for want of a better word) - it doesnāt signify the end. Sex comes in lots of different forms, foreplay/after play is just as valid, and Iām sure your partner is happy to give it to you to make sure that youāre satisfied.
I understand feeling upset though. If Iām having a day where I just canāt finish no matter what we do it feels incredibly disheartening, and itās hard not to focus on all of the effort my husband is putting in and feel guilty about it. But I know that he gets pleasure out of satisfying me, so heās happy to do it.
I actually ended up breaking down in tears recently for a similar problem 
It sounds silly but I really struggle to reach orgasm without using toys so when my partner was trying to get me to cum in anyway they could and it just wasnāt happening I completely broke down.
I felt so embarrassed but my partner was so lovely about it and we ended up having a really amazing chat and cuddle and made a plan for how we could change things in the future and what we could try and I found it very fulfilling and has made me take that pressure off that I had been putting on myself.
I guess my advice is as others have said it is completely natural to feel the way you do and very common for people with vulvas to struggle with penetration orgasm so maybe it is time to sit down and have a chat with your partner and figure out a work around that works for you and your body 
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When it happens, you are so pent up just be careful that you donāt die from it. Itās gonna be a monster!