Does anyone else have problems with being shy or even down right embarrassed when it comes down to certain sexual things with their partner?
My OH and I have been together 8 years, married 7 out of that. I was 19 when we got married, so I wasn’t exactly the most experienced when it came to anything sexual. We’ve developed that over time and while I’m obviously a lot better at sex than I was then, there are some things that I just can’t do sometimes. Thankfully not all the time but if I have to verbally communicate what I want or initiate it, I get so embarrassed and it ruins it. Honestly I think it stems from wanting my husband to initiate and take control a bit more because for a really long time, I was the only one initiating anything.
I’ve told OH time and time again I HATE having to verbally say when I want to have sex because in my mind, I shouldn’t have to between body language or other cues. Of course this isn’t a problem during because already being aroused makes it a hell of a lot easier to communicate what I want him to do. If I’m not turned on it’s not happening, period.
Anyone else like this? Because it makes me feel childish
Speaking for my wife- 100% agree.
She finds it hard to ask. She feels embarrassed to use toys on her own too. She does it, but almost feels embarrassed to ask. It’s not the vibe I give off either, she has always been like it.
So you are not alone and it’s not a stupid question.
I think it is more difficult if you have been with someone for a long time because you care about how they respond and even long term implications. In my case cross dressing for example, something that developed over a number of years. With society’s general opinions, there is plenty to be shy and embarrassed about, a potential deal breaker to a relationship. The same can be said about the many kinks and fetishes that the lovely people here on this forum see as normal but many would see as deviant.
If I was lucky enough to develop a new long term relationship, my own kinks would probably not be the first thing I would mention and naturally after that , there is a tendency to become shy or embarrassed. On the other hand , meeting someone recently with whom I had no emotional connection , there was no shyness or embarrassment on either side - anything goes.
So, no, I don’t think embarrassment if childish, if anything the opposite, a mature response to a developing situation
I agree 100% with this. Ive been with my partner 9 years, and still struggle to actually tell him what i want most of the time in person. I can text him and let him know what i want to do, but when it comes to actually laying in bed together i just cant do it
I won’t lie, I do get embarrassed or bashful/shy about things I want or want to try. My OH is pretty vanilla, which isn’t a bad thing, but it does make me more nervous for things I’d like.
I will say a big part is that some things she said she doesn’t want to do because she wouldn’t get any pleasure out of it or it wouldn’t do anything for her and I don’t know how to go over that speed bump. I also think that most relationship always has a person who wants more sex or initiates more. I just try to appreciate the times OH does initiate more.
I’m really relieved that it’s not just me. I’ve always thought I was just weird because taking about kinks, stuff we’d like to try, using toys in front of each other (or on each other), stuff line that? No issue. But god forbid I have to verbally express that I’d like to have sex. Makes my stomach turn and I’d rather go without if that’s what it comes down to.
I have been with my wife 34 years and during the earlier years we were like rabbits, she would instigate sex and was open to experimenting.
Over the years and particularly the last 5 or so years her sex drive has declined, and I have to ask or suggest it. I don’t remember the last time she instigated.
Equally her interest in experimenting has gone.
I have tried suggesting anal with her but that conversation was cut short with a NO. Although during oral on me she will occasionally play with the entrance to my anus but not inside. Hers however is a no go area for which I respect her choice.
We used to use toys and she had vibrators and clitoral stimulators that she used with me and on her own, but again no more. Whenever I suggest using them or even having them ready she says no. I bought her a new one a few years ago as an anniversary gift, it has never been used.
She would wear sexy outfits, but again no more. I know she is not body confident, but still looks good to me.
I don’t like asking or suggesting anymore as I don’t want to upset her, repulse her or appear to nag.
Yes having to say when you want sex kinda takes the shine off it in a way as the connection and sexual chemistry should be fluid in sensing when one or the other is radiating hormone flirtation.
Maybe you both need to try reawakening your sexual happiness that you had when first started dating by planning a date night once a week to rediscover pleasures.
I too also have gotten shy in the past with things and usually ends up with me giggling which can put the other off but in some situations they’ve used the initiative to take control by dominating.
@SpookyB You’re not alone! My husband never initiates anything, so if I want to have sex or masturbate together, I have to initiate. We had some nearly sexless years, so it was really awkward for me when my sex drive was increasing to have to tell him what I wanted… I started just telling him when I was horny, and I’d try to describe how horny I was even though it was embarrassing Sometimes he’s just not in the mood when I am, so I’ll just do my own thing. When I don’t want to have to say, please come have sex with me, I’ll try to make it obvious with some lingerie or setting some toys that I want to use out on the bed or bedside table. Or I’ll start using a toy when I know he’ll be coming in, and then I’ll just stare at him until he gets it to come join me
My husband gets very embarrassed when it comes to talking about sexual things. When we were dating and newly married, he wasn’t as shy, but now very much. @Kitty-Cat01 gave me some good advice on a different thread that I’ve been working on the past couple weeks with him! For me, I feel like I have to be proactive otherwise we won’t get anywhere…
I’ve noticed that writing reviews on our sex toys and being on the forum has helped me get better at talking about things on my end. He knows I’m on the forum, but isn’t really interested in reading posts on here, but he likes looking at toys on the site and reading about them together. Whenever there’s awkwardness or embarrassment, I think it just takes time to work through it
Maybe try see if there’s anything that naturally arouses your other half to make him be more assertive in sexual play as some on the forum have said when they have a drink or two it makes things flow a lot better or even some of the sex card games have helped
100% yes, there are things that I am too embarresed to ask for or to tell my wife, after more than 20 years being married. I never used to feel embarrassed to discuss sex with my wife, but that all changed awhile back and I doubt that I’ll ever fully open myself to her again for fear of embarrasment and denigration. Embarrasment is something that is projected onto a person by the way someone else has acted or responded to the person and can feel rather cruel . Its amazing how our emotions can sometimes seems to work against us .
I think that this was true with the OH, but over the years of being together, she has become more assertive with what she wants, if she wants sex, then she will say ‘fancy a shag’.
If we are naked in bed, she will grab my cock, and masturbate me hard, before climbing on.
Not that I am complaining about this new found confidence, before it seemed that it was always me initiating or asking for sex.
Quite frankly, i think its a case of stop complicating sex.!! Its a joint responsibility to initiate sex , so if one person desires something , then let your partner know.
He or she or they ( before anyone jumps in ) are not mind readers.
If you want the best out of your sex life, then communication is essential, end of.!!
This is fantastic…well done your OH…When one person initiates sex, it makes the other feel desired.
If its left to one person to initiate all the time, they can often feel repetitive in their approach and then sometimes feel they are just being accommodated, which is a right bloody turn off.
Please , give your OH my regards, i think her attitude is bang on.
When we first got together my husband to be showed me how he masturbated. I had the full show from getting erect to ejaculating a large amount of semen. He then asked me to give him my best masturbation show. I was initially quite embarrassed as what he wanted me to do. He obviously sensed my embarrassment and said it was ok if I wasn’t ready and he understood that it is quite a personal intimate thing to show someone else what you do. This relaxed me and I felt that I could do it in front of him. Now we still do this and embarrassment is not a problem.
SpookyB I am on the other side of your situation. I actually want to feel embarrassed for a change. Great relationship with my wife but want to be tested a little bit.
Sometimes he’s just not in the mood when I am, so I’ll just do my own thing. When I don’t want to have to say, please come have sex with me, I’ll try to make it obvious with some lingerie or setting some toys that I want to use out on the bed or bedside table. Or I’ll start using a toy when I know he’ll be coming in, and then I’ll just stare at him until he gets it to come join me 
ok cross date nights off the list!