Hi @PKH, you sound very much like us and for similar reasons too. There are a few things that have helped us, the first one is simply time. It’s taken time for my OH to regain some confidence when it comes to sex but we are getting there now.
I’ve found that things have improved while I’ve been using the forum because I’ve become used to talking frankly about sex and I don’t get embarrassed by it anymore. Now that he can see that I’m not embarrassed by it, he seems more comfortable talking to me about it. When he does, I tell him how much I enjoy talking to him about sex and that it turns me on so that he knows that he hasn’t embarrassed me.
I’ve also found that he’s much more open to talking about sex and dirty talk when he’s really aroused - generally when I’m stroking him or giving him oral. If I tease him slowly and edge him close to orgasm a few times then he gets really excited and that’s when most of the dirty talk happens! I love it and it gets me really excited so he now gets lots of oral! Now that we’re getting more confident it happens a lot more. I think that, the more we do it, the easier it gets.
I still get this response too! I think that, after orgasming, for men in particular, there is a change in hormone levels which causes relaxation and tiredness (I read it somewhere!) This is probably why he doesn’t want to talk about sex afterwards, all the arousal is gone and he just wants to sleep! My OH tends to give me feedback when we have sex next time. This is rather a generalisation because some men seem to be able to have more than one orgasm but it seems to be true of my OH. Women tend to “come down” slower than men so that might explain why we are happy to talk about it afterwards!
My OH also said that he doesn’t like talking about sex afterwards because it feels like an assessment of his performance!! It’s not meant that way at all, I just want to know what he enjoyed so I can do more of that next time but I can see what he means. I just leave these conversations for another day.