My partner got his cum up my nose! It was awful i had to blow my nose to get it out and it just went everywhere!
I also threw up giving him oral, it went all over him!
I do not have much luck at all x
Terri JJ wrote:
So this morning my new glass butt plug and set of jiggle balls arrived :) After lunch I had to do the grocery shopping so thought I'd give them a try. Inserted both and off I went. Actually got as far as the car park at the supermarket, along several bumpy roads and was ludicrously turned on. Didn't quite know what to do - masturbating in the car was out of the question - loads of people everywhere. Got my trolley and thought I'd see how long I could stand it before a trip to the ladies was required for some, errr, relief ! A couple of isles later and it was getting so bad that I didn't think I'd be able to hold on so set off walking very carefully towards the Loo's. And then it happened !!!! A chap barged into me with his trolley and the butt plug jolted along with jiggle balls and I gripped the trolley for all I was worth and orgasmed ! Right there in front of this guy whilst he was apologising. He said very loudly, this poor lady is shaking all over, I think she's going to feint - can someone get her a chair and some water ! The chair arrived very promptly and I sat there shaking and gasping. After a few minutes I managed to convince everyone I was fine and made my escape - I now have no groceries !
Looking back I guessed I should have perhaps tried the jiggle balls and butt plug at different times instead of together - lesson learned !
Omg hahaha that has to b the most exciting shopping trip anyone ever gunna have x
Terri JJ wrote:
So this morning my new glass butt plug and set of jiggle balls arrived :) After lunch I had to do the grocery shopping so thought I'd give them a try. Inserted both and off I went. Actually got as far as the car park at the supermarket, along several bumpy roads and was ludicrously turned on. Didn't quite know what to do - masturbating in the car was out of the question - loads of people everywhere. Got my trolley and thought I'd see how long I could stand it before a trip to the ladies was required for some, errr, relief ! A couple of isles later and it was getting so bad that I didn't think I'd be able to hold on so set off walking very carefully towards the Loo's. And then it happened !!!! A chap barged into me with his trolley and the butt plug jolted along with jiggle balls and I gripped the trolley for all I was worth and orgasmed ! Right there in front of this guy whilst he was apologising. He said very loudly, this poor lady is shaking all over, I think she's going to feint - can someone get her a chair and some water ! The chair arrived very promptly and I sat there shaking and gasping. After a few minutes I managed to convince everyone I was fine and made my escape - I now have no groceries !
Looking back I guessed I should have perhaps tried the jiggle balls and butt plug at different times instead of together - lesson learned !
OMG... thank you for sharing, I am in bed sick and this made me laugh so much and also smile! Sounds like a great orgasm experience to incorporate into a future review for said products.
Terri JJ wrote:
So this morning my new glass butt plug and set of jiggle balls arrived :) After lunch I had to do the grocery shopping so thought I'd give them a try. Inserted both and off I went. Actually got as far as the car park at the supermarket, along several bumpy roads and was ludicrously turned on. Didn't quite know what to do - masturbating in the car was out of the question - loads of people everywhere. Got my trolley and thought I'd see how long I could stand it before a trip to the ladies was required for some, errr, relief ! A couple of isles later and it was getting so bad that I didn't think I'd be able to hold on so set off walking very carefully towards the Loo's. And then it happened !!!! A chap barged into me with his trolley and the butt plug jolted along with jiggle balls and I gripped the trolley for all I was worth and orgasmed ! Right there in front of this guy whilst he was apologising. He said very loudly, this poor lady is shaking all over, I think she's going to feint - can someone get her a chair and some water ! The chair arrived very promptly and I sat there shaking and gasping. After a few minutes I managed to convince everyone I was fine and made my escape - I now have no groceries !
Looking back I guessed I should have perhaps tried the jiggle balls and butt plug at different times instead of together - lesson learned !
Pmsl at this one, at first I thought you were going to say everything shot out of their discrete places into the general public, but oh my, what an experience!
Omg Terry I am crying with laughter but wow how embarrassing that would be!!!Terri JJ wrote:
So this morning my new glass butt plug and set of jiggle balls arrived :) After lunch I had to do the grocery shopping so thought I'd give them a try. Inserted both and off I went. Actually got as far as the car park at the supermarket, along several bumpy roads and was ludicrously turned on. Didn't quite know what to do - masturbating in the car was out of the question - loads of people everywhere. Got my trolley and thought I'd see how long I could stand it before a trip to the ladies was required for some, errr, relief ! A couple of isles later and it was getting so bad that I didn't think I'd be able to hold on so set off walking very carefully towards the Loo's. And then it happened !!!! A chap barged into me with his trolley and the butt plug jolted along with jiggle balls and I gripped the trolley for all I was worth and orgasmed ! Right there in front of this guy whilst he was apologising. He said very loudly, this poor lady is shaking all over, I think she's going to feint - can someone get her a chair and some water ! The chair arrived very promptly and I sat there shaking and gasping. After a few minutes I managed to convince everyone I was fine and made my escape - I now have no groceries !
Looking back I guessed I should have perhaps tried the jiggle balls and butt plug at different times instead of together - lesson learned !
It's funny now but at the time inside my head I was just thinking, no, no, no, please no but I just couldn't stop it ! And I now have to go get the groceries tomorrow but luckily we have 2 supermarkets so I'm definitely going to the other one !
Terri JJ wrote:
It's funny now but at the time inside my head I was just thinking, no, no, no, please no but I just couldn't stop it ! And I now have to go get the groceries tomorrow but luckily we have 2 supermarkets so I'm definitely going to the other one !
are you sure it wasnt YES YES YES!!!!
I love the above. Sex doesn't go right every time.
I was round a girlfriends one day and we had gone into the second lounge, and she was adamant to have my cock out. I weren't too keen as we were not alone in the house she said it would be OK as her sister wouldn't come in. She'd got me on the sofa with my jeans and pants around my knees and I was enjoying the attention and a nice slow blow job when the door was knocked!! Her sister was asking for a couple of cigarettes, not wanting to keep her waiting and wondering what we were upto I said come in whilst standing and pulling my jeans up thinking that I could pull my shirt over my open jeans and sit down all within a couple of seconds. Fine in theory, but not taking into account that my jeans had cut the circulation to my legs. One second I'm standing the next I'm falling like a felled pine tree with my tackle through my fly, in walks her sister to see all six foot four of me in a heap on the carpet with cock and balls out.
Perhaps she thought we were playing charades.
Any guesses?
Lovehoney - Paige. A friend of mine had the same problem with 'headbutting'. They had been down the 'City Ground' and the game wasnt too good. He and his girl had left early and he was in a foul mood, his girl said "Come on I'll cheer you up". She led him by the hand down the canal and under the bridge to get out of the cold and rain, a good session of snogging started. It wasn't long before he wanted a 'stand up shag', The front of her skirt was up and he was grinding and just had to get in there, a little push and she head butted him, he thought WTF and gripped her cheeks and pushed again. Smack, this time his nose. "WTF girl?" She said "I can't help it, you've got my silk scarf tucked in".
Paige. Just don't wear a scarf. lol
Enjoy. x
Not embarassing but it couldve been! We were having quite vigorous sex one night when i had work early the next morning, and as hubby was thrusting i was gradually edging up the bed. Ended up shaking the headboard quite a bit and then BAM! An almost full bottle of lube fell off the headboard and landed straight on my right eye!
whilst it hurt a lot i was more worried about getting a black eye! As a woman theres nothing worse than turning up to work with a black eye and trying to explain how it happened! Especially when you need a reasonable excuse so you dont have to say it was during sex, but believable enough that it doesnt look like youve been hit!
Luckily by the morning it was fine, but now ive learnt not to leave anything directly above my face if im on my back!
eta just seen the supermarket story, think that wins hands down :D
Oh my God, Terri JJ! That's hilarious!
Terri JJ .,....just wow. amazing story, thankyou for brightening everyone's week with some hysterical (but sympathetic)laughter!
Some other great ones too!
I haven't shared many stories for a while so here goes a few because, why not :-)
1/ actually my ex and not me. She was having sex with her fella of the time on a loft-bed. knocked herself out as she came by headbutting the ceiling, fell out of the bed and down 6-6 foot to the floor, and was woken up by her fella's mother who was a nurse, trying to give her CPR.
2/ reminded by the recent Kent earthquake..... my ex and myself knew there'd been an earthquake during the night a few years back as it had woken us up (I , like a psychic ninaj, woke up on the far side of the room holding a flower vase that has fallen off a shelf not knowing how I'd got there.....).
during the next day all 5 other people in the house (2 couple and one single person) individually asked what on earth we'd been up to the night before to cause such a racket as they were woken up by a big bank.
that's right, blamed for an earthquake (ok less embarrassing more hilarious)
3/ ok this one was bad. 17, madly in love with my first love. We'd get home from school, have sex, or if her parents were in dry hump and generally wind each other up until we were going mental.
Parents out, her sister was 2 floors down in her play room while we'd sneaked upstairs to her room. Going at it pretty enthusiastically I felt a tap on my shoulder...........
This si where I explain her sisten was disabled mentally and physically from being starved of oxygen at birth. She was 12 but with a mental age of an toddler, has an evil streak, and was silent as a bloody shaolin monk on a shag carpet!
I turn around to see this scary, grinning face several inches from mine, freak out, leap across the room and leave my girlfriend to deal with her sister, while clutching a rather painful banjo string after a quick and not so ergonomic escape movement.
BrumGuy wrote:
Lovehoney - Paige. A friend of mine had the same problem with 'headbutting'. They had been down the 'City Ground' and the game wasnt too good. He and his girl had left early and he was in a foul mood, his girl said "Come on I'll cheer you up". She led him by the hand down the canal and under the bridge to get out of the cold and rain, a good session of snogging started. It wasn't long before he wanted a 'stand up shag', The front of her skirt was up and he was grinding and just had to get in there, a little push and she head butted him, he thought WTF and gripped her cheeks and pushed again. Smack, this time his nose. "WTF girl?" She said "I can't help it, you've got my silk scarf tucked in".
Paige. Just don't wear a scarf. lol
Enjoy. x
Friday 13 (sorry couldnt quote you!) - Im a massive fidget, i moved my head up and then yep, whack! It really hurt both of us haha.
HAHA Brumguy, love the story, ill try and wear no scarfs in the future, great tip!
paulsballs wrote:
Terri JJ wrote:
It's funny now but at the time inside my head I was just thinking, no, no, no, please no but I just couldn't stop it ! And I now have to go get the groceries tomorrow but luckily we have 2 supermarkets so I'm definitely going to the other one !
are you sure it wasnt YES YES YES!!!!
Under normal circumstances it would definitely have been YES YES YES !! Just not in the middle of Tescos !
And your thong is making me think, YES YES YES ;) !!
I'm furious !!! My ohs cycling friends often call in if they're out on a long ride for a cuppa and to have a break - I have no problem with that at all, they're nice enough guys. But I've just got out of the shower and realised that my coffee that I'd made is still downstairs. So, completely starkers I pop downstairs to get it and one of his friends is standing in my kitchen boiling the kettle !!!
I was so angry,!! The car is on the drive and the back door is unlocked so he clearly knew I was in. I was so shocked that I started giving him a mouthful about not using my house like it is his own. Then I wonder why he's standing there with a grin on his face and his mouth open while I'm shouting at him ? Then it occurred to me that. . . . .I'm standing there yelling at this guy and I have absolutely not a stitch of clothing on !!!!
I fled upstairs and I've only just dared to come back down and oh is home now and they're chatting in the lounge and apparently he's staying for dinner - Oh god :( !!!
1 Like
Terri JJ wrote:
I'm furious !!! My ohs cycling friends often call in if they're out on a long ride for a cuppa and to have a break - I have no problem with that at all, they're nice enough guys. But I've just got out of the shower and realised that my coffee that I'd made is still downstairs. So, completely starkers I pop downstairs to get it and one of his friends is standing in my kitchen boiling the kettle !!!
I was so angry,!! The car is on the drive and the back door is unlocked so he clearly knew I was in. I was so shocked that I started giving him a mouthful about not using my house like it is his own. Then I wonder why he's standing there with a grin on his face and his mouth open while I'm shouting at him ? Then it occurred to me that. . . . .I'm standing there yelling at this guy and I have absolutely not a stitch of clothing on !!!!
I fled upstairs and I've only just dared to come back down and oh is home now and they're chatting in the lounge and apparently he's staying for dinner - Oh god :( !!!
XD you must have loved it, lol
Oh goodness haha where to I begin?!
First time I had sex, my partner massively over-estimated the size of the condom he would need, and bought an extra large size, when he was a little under-average in the downstairs department. Long story short, we didn't realise that the condom had actually come off inside my vagina, and I couldn't reach it myself, and the mood was totally ruined by having my first boyfriend fish a dondom out of my vagina...
And the first time I orgasmed a few years later, it was so intense that I threw up, all over myself and my boyfriend, thus creating an irrational fear of enjoying sex which I have only just got over! I know now, no sex on a full stomach!
Oh Terri that's awful! I can understand why you're mad, but it also sounds hilarious haha! 😂
Flexxy that part about you throwing up when you orgasmed had me in stitches! But I feel bad for laughing at you when it caused you so many problems afterwards, I hope you forgive me x
Boogaloo wrote:
Oh Terri that's awful! I can understand why you're mad, but it also sounds hilarious haha! 😂
Flexxy that part about you throwing up when you orgasmed had me in stitches! But I feel bad for laughing at you when it caused you so many problems afterwards, I hope you forgive me x
Haha Boogaloo I laugh at it now too! It was probably a complete coincidence, but I'm over that now - no more throwing up :P x
1, A bit like FlexyBexyXXX I had a condom slip off me during a session, we were at it for a while being rather vigerous, and when we finished I went to take it off, and it wasn't there, I had a "look" for it, and it wasn't to bee seen, or felt, but it came out later on whilst the lady in question had a bath.
2, Different lady, we were having a session whillst on holiday together, and things got a little freaky, spotting a snickers bar on the side I opened the wrapper and inserted it in her, and after a couple of minutes play, half of it broke off inside her. I managed to eat, fish(excuse that pun) and generally get most of it out her, but it took some fun wit ha shower head to get the rest out, safe to say I've never tried that again.
3, Matlock bath, went for a walk on the cliff over looking the promanade in town below, in the middle of summer, decided there and then was a good time for a public quicky session, just finished and a bunch of ramblers walked passed, to this day I wondered if they stood watchng and waited till we had finished before carrying on.
Terri JJ, I heard that story before and thought it was an urban legand, I'm giggling that the legend is so very true!