Quick topic search seems to suggest we haven’t had this one yet…
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg
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I love this one:
How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?
You will see one later and one in a while.
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Cat’s eyes were invented by Percy Shaw of Halifax, West Yorkshire, when he saw the light reflected from a cats eye as it walked towards him. Had the cat been walking away from him Percy Shaw would have invented the pencil sharpener instead.
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Bonfire night safety tip…never return to a lit firework, send the kids instead…they have quicker reflexes.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo ?
hippo is heavy and the others a little lighter
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Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
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How many Egocentrics does it take to change a light bulb?
One they just hold it up and the world revolves around them…
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Today I learned that you can use disposable masks to brew espresso!
That’s because they’re coughy filters!
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Why should you never sleep with a Bertie?
Because he’s been with All Sorts!
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This morning I drank a bottle of invisible ink, I’m in the hospital waiting to be seen.
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Why did the witch call a plumber?
Hubble bubble, toilet trouble.
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What do you call a unicorn without a horn?
Completely pointless
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I took my eight year old to “bring your kid to work day” last week, and when we walked in the door of the office he started crying.
As the concerned staff members gathered round I asked him “what was wrong?” He said “dad, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?”
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Lol. This does have a different spin knowing most are working from home…
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Last night we ordered Chinese from a local place (won’t name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, I heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef!
I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down …
And there it was …
Peeking Duck!!!
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Hi all hope you are all set for the weekend .
Well im in work tomorrow so need cheered up let have your dad joke .
Heres mine
A 10 meter roll of bubble wrap came into the warehouse today .
So i went and asked my boss where should i put it.
The boss told me to pop it in the corner .
I was there for 3 hours
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Theres a noodle restaurant on the prom in blackpool called the wok inn.
My friend said we should check it out and asked if we needed to book a table.
I just smiled and said “no, you just wok inn”
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Went to the pub with my friend, i asked where we should sit and she said “on our arses”. I sighed and asked the barman if it mattered where we sat and he said “at a table preferably”
Fuckers the both of them haha
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They are quality dad jokes lol
And each one has actually happened to me 
haha
1 Like