I left my husband because of his obsession with pasta.
I'm feeling cannelloni now...
4 Likes
I don’t have any kids but I like telling dad jokes I guess that makes me a faux pa
10 Likes
I was going to make a joke about time travel but you guys did not like it
9 Likes
To whoever stole my trainers and hi-viz vest…you can run, but you can’t hide!
14 Likes
What’s brown and sticky… A stick 
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What do you call a man with a hawk on one shoulder…a kestrel on the other…and he’s in total darkness vacumming up?
Hawk kestrel Man Hoovers In The Dark…
(O.M.D)
6 Likes
Sorry everyone i’ve used my quota of likes today!
1 Like
If you have 5 apples in one had and 6 in the other what do you have… Big bloody hands
6 Likes
I used to be addicted to soap, but now I’m clean!
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That was my husband’s exes favourite all time joke.
Anyway, a man walked into a bar and asked for a packet of helicopter flavour crisps, and the barman said “I’m sorry, we’ve only got plane.”
10 Likes
Why do giraffes have such long necks…
Summary
Because they have such smelly hooves 
2 Likes
What did the pirate say when they turned 80?
Aye matey! 
12 Likes
Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
… because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
4 Likes
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. Now I live in fear…
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A roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and sais 5 beers please…
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I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went …then it dawned on me!
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Two children had a pet rabbit called Danny.
Mum took them to one side one day and said, gently, ‘Look, it’s about Danny… well, he’s getting old now, you don’t play with him any more I’m sorry to say, and he takes up space and he smells, so I think it might be kindest to say goodbye and send him on his way…’
‘Oh, OK - fine’ said the kids.
Mum frowned. ‘Are you sure? What will we do with the hutch?’
‘What hutch?’
‘Danny’s hutch…’
‘Oohh… we thought you said ‘Daddy’…’
6 Likes
What’s long, hard, wet and full of semen?
A submarine.
9 Likes
Two fish in a tank. One says to the other: “How do you drive this thing?”
4 Likes
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff… Ba dum tsk
3 Likes