First steps

Hi everyone,

First time posting but just after some advice. Me and OH took our first step into enlightened sex the other day by ordering some sexy lingerie.

She doesn’t seem overly excited by the idea, not nearly half as much as I am. How can I bring her round to start being more confident/excited about everything else that we can do together? Admittedly it was me that sort of pushed the idea and went through with it.

There are a lot of things that I’d be interested in trying but I’m trying to take it easy and not scare her off at the minute!!


Hi, maybe ask her to write down a list of things she would like to try. You could write a list too. Have a look at each others lists either together or seperately and see if there’s any common ground. She might want to try dressing up by herself first…


I second that advice. Please let her go at her own pace, and put as much control in her hands as possible.

Have you asked her why she’s not as keen? There might be something that’s putting her off specifically.

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Yep, definitely letting her go at her own pace.

I think we’re both a little bit nervous about it all, it took a bit for me to even ask the question. Hopefully it will all go well from here and then we can explore other ideas. I want us to get in the situation where we can openly discuss ideas etc. Without being shy or nervous.

One thing I’ve seen is having a stack of cards with ideas and then put them into yes,no or maybe piles but how do I even get to that point lol

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Instead of the yes, no, maybe stack of cards, both of you make your piles of yes and rotate through those. Find the yes that matches best with the new lingerie and suggest that she wears it doing the yes activity. Also try to have an open convo about her apprehension to it. Let her know how it will accentuate all of her great qualities. Make it more about her and less about you.


Hello and welcome @Cornwall1990 :slightly_smiling_face:

There are a few apps you can get where you both tick things you want to try, and then it only reveals the ones you’ve both matched on. That can be a good way of broaching new things without feeling over-exposed. :+1:

I can’t remember the name, but it’s been mentioned on here a few times so hopefully I’ll be able to dig it out. :crossed_fingers: (unless someone else can remember it in the meantime :slightly_smiling_face:)

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That sounds like it would be perfect!

I’ll have to try and search for it.

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I found this with a couple of names in:


Body confidence can be a real issue for a lot of people, the images that the media present as attractive or perfect can undermine the body conscious. Confidence takes time especially after child birth or ageing.

Take it slowly and sensitively. I’d suggest candles, bath and some tasty wine.


If she is body conscious different lingerie can be more flattering depending on what shape you are, and what areas you’re sensitive about. Mrs Chimp prefers babydolls as they float over her mummy tummy (and they’re really easy to throw on, which is about the amount effort she’s generally prepared to make :slightly_smiling_face:). Though she does also like basques and bra sets too, but nothing with a cut-out as she says it makes her look like a trussed up pork joint. :slightly_smiling_face:

There are some Lovehoney guides that you might find useful?


I’m sure that the sight of your excitement at seeing her in sexy lingerie will encourage her…

Good luck!

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It’s all a matter of confidence and trust.

My ex would buy me lingerie then always find fault with how I wore it or how it looked on me. My confidence took a hell of a dive.

I only got into lingerie by getting a tester from Lovehoney to try. I was very hesitant to show him as he’d never shown interest in my underwear, always saying he liked me naked. However, I did manage to get up the courage to show him and it was the best thing we’ve ever done. Lingerie and toys have certainly added another dimension to our sex life!

She needs to be confident that you love what you see when she wears lingerie. The more she can see your appreciation the better your love life will become. Take it slow and reap the rewards as her confidence grows.


It can be difficult to get the courage to talk about sex openly but it comes time.

I am more adventurous than my OH and I am typically the one to make suggestions. Sometimes I am surprised sometimes I am disappointed but you have to both be in it together.

IF it is a confidence thing she can wear it with the lights dimmed or lights off until she feels sexy and comfortable in it.

You never know, once she sees how it makes you feel it might encourage her.

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Kindu is another one!

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Thanks everyone!

I’ve downloaded Kindu, looks exactly like the sort of thing we need! Just need to get the wife on board now.

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Hi @Cornwall1990, welcome to the forum


Best advice is to be open with your OH and talk.

Second tip is to give her the time and space to gain experience. If it helps, let her blindfold you to remove some of the awkwardness as she starts getting to grips

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Looking to get mrs melboi interested in a beginners anal , both of us are complete novices , she is very reticent but having opened the advent calendar we did say we would try everything in it , how’s the best way to relax into anal play ?

Yes…i got those cards…kinky confessions I think it’s called. Actualy really helped us open up…but each making a list is a great idea. I come from a similar situation…but a year later we’ve moved forward massively. My OH still isn’t anything like as open as me…but it’s about opening up a channel of conversation and finding out what you both like doing. And it needs to be in both directions, if they don’t enjoy doing it too then don’t do it!