Forum for relationship questions

Hi Lovehoney friends! I realized this is not the forum to discuss, or talk through relationship issues, so I was wondering if any of you know of a good forum for that. I have a circle of fantastic friends and family, but they all have known my boyfriend and I since middle and high school, so I am looking for a forum where I can ask questions and discuss some things going on in my relationship with unbiased people or a person. Any suggestions on a good forum for this? Thanks everyone! :slightly_smiling_face:

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Honestly people seem to do relationship chat on here with good success, understand it is not what the forum is for, but I don’t think people mild as people like to help.

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@Toolman31 - thank you! I appreciate your response. Everyone on here has been so helpful so I will give it a chance. :blush:

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Sex and relationships are pretty closely related, so yeah, questions and discussions about relationships should fit in pretty well here. There are probably other forums more specifically geared towards it (afraid I don’t know any myself though) but you’re not in the wrong place for it.

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Might be able to start a thread if there isn’t one. We have a “rant” thread which isn’t always sex related so a “relationship” thread should be fine :wink:

Edit: Oh, this IS the thread :laughing:

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Thanks, guys. Well, here is the situation. I have known my boyfriend since high school. We dated briefly when we were 19, but it was just the wrong time for both of us. We reconnected last year, a couple months before Covid struck and started seeing each other. We are in a commitment relationship, but I live in Tennessee and he lives in Georgia, where we grew up. We see each other as often as we can. He was layed off soon after Covid hit, but my job went remote, so I have been lucky. The nature of my job allows me to work wherever I have internet access most of the time, which is convenient. We have a great sex life and love each other very much. However, things have been weird the past month. He makes strange comments implying I am seeing someone else or something. Tonight he texted me “Good night sleep well wherever you are.” He has been making comments like that lately. “Wherever you are” enjoy whoever is there with you,"etc. He even suggested getting a gps tracker to put on my car “so that if I broke down somewhere he could find me and help me.” We live 5 hrs away from each other, so I politely said F*** No. I live with my parents, because I don’t want to live alone, so I am always home with them. I never go anywhere except to visit family. I only see family. All my friends are in Geargia. I’m easygoing, so I have just been letting the comments go, but after he made comments like this all day and then sent the “Good night sleep well wherever you are” message, I finally had had it and said, where in the world do you think I would be?! I searched my location now on google and sent him a screenshot of my location. He said, “what a joke. You must be feeling guilty if you’re reacting this way.” I really don’t know what to think. I am blown away. When I am in a relationship, I am committed. Knowing me as long as he has, he knows this. Anyway, I am at a loss. I love him, but his paranoia and lack of trust are starting to concern me. I think these are red flags…am I right about these being red flags or am I being silly? I am almost at the point of ending things. I love him dearly, but without trust, I don’t feel like we can move forward.

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Yes I would say yes definitely red flags
I would ask him outright, (phone call or text / email if you find that easier to express your thoughts) why his behaviour has changed.
You may have said or done something that he has put an idea in his head.
I think you need a “cards on the table moment”.
The passive aggressive comments coming from him are definitely not the way to fix anything
Good luck xx

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Sounds like he has some trust issues or may be trying to push you to breaking up. Once someone cheats on another they will have a very hard time trusting another again. Did he gave another relation that had this issue?

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He had a pretty awful marriage. While they were married she had a baby that she said was his. He’s half Mexican, the baby was blond haired, blue eyed. He insisted on DNA. It was, obviously, not his kid. He never signed the birth certificate, but stayed with her. She OD’d and died a couple years later. Between that, his abusive childhood, and other situations in his life he has severe trust issues, but always says he trusts me. His behavior is telling me otherwise though.

@Toolman31 - that’s what I am concerned about, that he is trying to push me into breaking up with him. If he wants to break it off, just be a man and do it. I’m a big girl, I can take it. I’ll be heartbroken obviously, but I will survive, lol

Definitely trust issues and it doesn’t sound like the basis for a healthy long term relationship. It’s obviously difficult in the current circumstances but an issue like this needs to be sorted out as soon as possible otherwise it could become quite poisonous,

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Big red flags there. If he’s feeling insecure he should talk to you about it honestly, not through passive aggressive digs. There’s no way to reassure someone when they are being like that because they will take it as you being defensive. If he has issues with relationships he may benefit from seeing a counsellor, but he has to want to change for that to really help.

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100% red flags…
This sounds awful for you :sleepy:
I’m best friend went through the same with her boyfriend. It turns out he was actually the one cheating and was trying to push the blame on her. It was awful to watch her be so down so I can totally understand how you must be feeling.
I would definitely ask him outright what his problem is, and I would have to do it over the phone to catch him off-guard and listen to his reaction.
And well done for being brave and sharing it with us &asking for advice…to many people bottles these things up. Sending a hug :hugs: x

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@Queerantine - Thanks for your response. yes, that is exactly how he took it, he said I was being defensive and must be feeling guilty about something. I, of course, have nothing to feel guilty about. I really don’t do anything, lol.

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Sounds very insecure but the backhanded comments don’t help anyone. Trust is the most important foundation for a relationship and I understand why he has trust issues but if he can’t trust you then he needs to at least explain.

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He’s either trying to push you into breaking up, or he’s VERY insecure. If it’s the latter, can you imagine how he’ll be if you start living together? Your life would be a living hell of suspicion and mistrust.

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@Delboy1991 - You’re right, time for a frank discussion with him. Thank you for your response. I sometimes am not sure if I am over-reacting or if I have a reason to be concerned.

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Thanks @andytaylor98 and @WillC . I knew he had trust issues from day 1. I have always been loving and sweet to him. I trust him. Anyway, I am glad I am not crazy, because I was thinking the same thing, trying to break up or his trust issues have gone rampant. Thanks!

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That’s the very thought that struck me when I read your tale, @StarKitty79. Either he’s got severe trust issues/paranoia, or he’s been dallying elsewhere and is trying to offset his guilt. Possibly both!

When a person who has learned to have trust issues finds themself in a relationship with a faithful partner, it’s like there’s a little devil on their shoulder, constantly saying “This is too good to be true. It’s going to go wrong eventually - experience has taught you that it always does - so let’s cut to the chase…” - so they start to do and say things that deliberately sabotage the trust bond of that relationship, turning the little devil’s words into a self-fulfilling prophecy. These acts of sabotage usually take the form of insidious, wheedling “it’s only a joke” half-accusations such as you’ve experienced, but in some cases can go all the way to acts of infidelity on their part.

My main worry is that, as @WillC said, if the two of you were to set up home together, you could find yourself trapped and living in fear of a hypervigilant control-freak.

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It does sound a bit suspect to honest. He’s clearly got trust issues or for some reason is trying to initiate a break up.

I don’t blame you at all for not wanting a tracker app on your car! I would downright refuse to put one on a car or my phone. Yes, he says it’s for safety in case you breakdown but it can easily be read as mistrust and wanting to monitor your activities.

I think you two really need to have a frank conversation about your future before you take any further steps such as living together.

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