They're either called "Fuck Buddies" or "Friends With Benefits" - all I know is, I don't have one yet :-(
Have you got one, had one, or can offer any tips? Did it work out for you? What are the pitfalls? What's the best way to find one?
It's springtime folks - I'm feeling the need...
well BBG, I had two when I was a student and it worked out great for me.
My scant words of wisdom would be:
Being clear about the boundaries and expectations helped to avoid a lot of trouble.
Establishing a mental connection with the person makes a difference to me- I can't fuck someone I don't like as a person. (not unless I'm gagging for it and probably pissed!
There's loads of internet sites, plus Gumtree and Craigs Lists- it's dead easy to find a site but you may have to trawl a bit to find a suitbale FB.
Be discriminating but not to the point of blanket exclusions unless it's something you feel really strongly about.
And (Confession Time) Mr Mercuria and I have decided to go for an open relationship (I won't bore you with the reasons) and in fact tomorrow I am meeting up with a guy I have met on-line who has so far managed to make me forget how to drive, go on a self-distracting cleaning frenzy and swim for 7 kilometers due to musing on what he wants to do to me. I think that probably encapsulates an array of "benefits/pitfalls". Of course, this could all go tits up tomorrow and I might be back on here crying in my coffee...Plus I don't know the longterm effects on my marriage but that's something I'll have to deal with.
I'll let you know what happens...fingers crossed!
mercuria
I've had them in the past, and I can honestly say my arrangement with him was great! We liked each other as people and got on well, but there were never any strong feelings, and no danger of one of us falling for the other. And because we were so open about the situation, we both knew we were using each other to "scratch the itch" so to speak, and it was great. It was literally a case of "I'm horny, when you can meet up?" type thing. As long as you're honest and practice safe sex it's fantastic!
As for finding one, I'm probably not the best person to ask, because I damn well can't find one myself right now! :(
I've never had one.
I think 'fuck buddies' suit some people and not others, I think it depends on your personality etc - I have never 'just had sex' and always ended up in a long term relationship with all of my sexual partners so I would make a rubbish fuck buddy!
But
My friend has 2 of them ..she adores her hubby but he has his faults and she copes with it by turning to either one of her fuck buddies! The first wines and dines her and is a 'reliable middle aged gentleman' - The second is younger, not very reliable, is far more adventurous and less of a gentleman ... no wining or dining just pure no holds barred sex!
Both are friends of mine who wanted to become fuck buddies but who I declined and so I introduced them to my female friend!
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Blissssssssssss. Okay , I'm not crying in my coffee! I think I've found a new hobby...
BBG- get one now! I throughly reccommend it!
I'm so jealous, I'd love to have a lady FB to play with. I probably couldn't have a loving relationship with another woman but I love the thought of having a ladyfriend I can go to for fun and games!
I couldn't do it while in a relationship. I'm sure it'd just end up hurting everyone, whether or not we'd be inclined to admit it.
I very nearly had one, but he was my ex and I bottled it at the last minute, because I realised I respected myself more than that. Plus it was in the flirting stages with the bloke, and I did NOT want to screw that up.
Not saying I couldn't have one- one of my mates and I agree that it'd work great between us if we were ever both single- but you have to be careful who you choose and when you do it :)
I agree with you Crayola - even if I could bring myself to think about it, I'd be too scared of destroying a wonderful relationship with a perfect partner.
I recommend the free dating site OkCupid. You can list what you're looking for: long-term dating, friends, activity partners, casual sex, etc. Until recently I was anti-fuck buddy, at least for myself, until I was chatted up by a lovely bloke. Turns out he's great in bed and available at a phone call. Thanks OkCupid!
hi fuck buddies.com might help?????
Urgh! Don't talk about that webshite - I tried them out and they just want your money. Register for free and they manufacture fake replies from other members. You have to join to reply! A lot of these "sex contact" websites do the same and are owned by the same people by the way - it's a scam. You can find out for yourself by creating several free accounts. Pretty soon you'll discover that you've magically emailed yourself! It's theft by deception if you ask my opinion.
Good point BBG!
You could create a special e-mail account then open your own 'Friends with benefits for free' adult website through something like Yahoo then when people use a search engine it would show up...
Of course I'd check out some basic safety rules and post them for the benefit of others
Hey BBG! I have one, and he's a doll :) I'm single, he's single, we hook up now and then for hot sex and that's it.
We met on Adult Friend Finder - there are a lot of people looking for that kind of relationship on there, might be worth a go for you!
Tips? Don't do sleepovers, always be super-safe, and continually reaffirm the boundaries of the relationship - you never know when either person might develop feelings so it's best to talk about it often.
Pitfalls? Developing feelings! I'm a big softy, so I totally fell for a previous fb... got a bit crushed when I realised he was seeing other people too. This could also be a problem if you've got a possessive streak.
Benefits? Hot hot guilt-free, sleep in your own bed afterwards sex.
I say go for it!
Try www.rekonnect.com
All people looking for NSA sex...well, most of them...and I found a stunner!! :-)
I also like the fact that you have to be approved, so spouses cant just "look at the site"
You have to pay a subscription but after that all messaging is free....worked for me and I had tried loads and agree withh BBG...most are a scam!!
Thanks for all the sites guys, I may well have to investigate... so if I disappear for a while you know I'm getting my brains fucked out. Oooh, if only...
Thanks for the link kittylicker - looks good! I couldn't see on the site how much it actually costs though. Is it good value?
Cant remember what it cost BBG...but it wasn't a lot and it was the only site that i found genuine people on....and I am with one now...best thing I ever spent money on!!
I WANT ONE!! Lol.. :D
I'd love to be a fuck buddy but I think I am with Mature addict and Crayola on this one - too worried about it all coming crashing down around me! I hope it works out for Mercuria - keep us updated lol!
Yeah, Mercuria certainly seems to have struck gold there.
The benefits outweigh the possible issues I reckon!!