I've recently met a great guy, we've been on quite a few dates & started sleeping together a few weeks ago but there's a problem......a couple of days ago he said he didn't want a relationship but more of a fuck buddy, I'm a bit gutted because he's absolutely awesome in bed, makes me laugh, takes me out, has met some of my friends & I thought it was the start of something good.....I don't want it to stop due to the fact he's the best fuck I've ever had but I also don't want to get hurt so my question is how do you have a awesome fuck buddy that ticks all the boxes & not fall for them? I need some tips on how to protect myself, I'm not sure I'm cut out for it.....any advice welcome, thanks 😊 x
Same thing happened to me and I just kept reminding myself of the fact 1. His not my bf...that sortnof thing yes I was gutted when he met a girl and we stopped but that was mre the fact the sex was stopping, its a hard thing to keep emotions in check but it seemed to help. Unlike my experience yours may become different as it seems his treating you like a gf. We also set ground rules with each other :)
Thanks for advice, I think that's why I'm so confused because he does all the stuff a b/f would. My friend is saying stuff like he shouldn't sleep over, we shouldn't go out or have nights in, just sex & kick him out....but we get on great so I don't wanna do that lol! We are so sexually compatible & from the very 1st time we slept together it was like we knew what we both wanted without even asking, no awkwardness or fumbling about & our kinks are exactly the same ha ha! He says we're like 2 pieces of a jigsaw that fit together perfectly....then says he just wants a fuck buddy aaarrgggggg lol! I've never had or been a fuck buddy & I know I wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else but I guess the thing I'm worried about is how many more is there? we practice safe sex but just the thought of him being here 1 night then somewhere else the next freaks me out! I wish he'd just said from the beginning & we could have talked about it because now I feel if I sit him down its like being in a relationship & doing the needy girlfriend thing which I don't want......it's really confusing because everytime we sleep together the connection gets stronger, I don't know what to do 😖 x
I'd recommend for you to stop right now.Seems like emotions are already involved in this and you'll end up hurt.I know it's hard,but it will be even harder as time passes,because you'll fall for him more.
I think honestly you need to have a chat and if he is sure about the fuckbuddy relationship the n perhaps you need to sit down and set ground rules.
Ours were 1. No sleeping about without telling eachother, 2 always safesex. 3.if we met anyone else regardless if it we thought it was going anywhere tell eachother and finish it if we was gunna date someone else that way no one else can get hurt.
Decide if this is really what you want. If it is then set out some ground rules for you both so that you're both on the same page. Hot sex is one thing, a relationship is a whole different ball game and if he just wants a fuck buddy then there's no point in you expecting anything more than that. If you find it hard to deal with the fact that he may be (and probably is) sleeping with other women/men then maybe you should call if off before you get in too deep ? If you're fine with his arangement...then go for it and have fun while it lasts xx
these things can get messy i fell for a guy i was having sex with and i wanted more but never felt he would so broke it off now he still messeges me asking if i willsee him erm nope! i am hapy with my partner and all he wants is my awsome sexual skills lol xx
Aren't men weird lol! I think I'll speak to him tonight & just lay it on the line, I don't want to push him & push him away but at the same time I'm awesome & haven't got a clue why he doesn't want me off the market lmao! Being serious though I am really soft hearted & if it goes on much longer I'm gonna fall for him completely & it'll be my own fault because he's told me what he wants....wish he'd told me a bit sooner & hadn't met important people in my life but shit happens I suppose. If I keep him in my life hoping he'll change his mind & he doesn't then I'm not even gonna look at another man because he'll be the one I'm thinking about. I like being in a relationship, this fuck buddy thing is hard for me to get my head around because I just think if youre compatible & enjoy each other's company then why not be together! I'll keep you updated, thanks everyone x
Think women find it harder than men to keep sex and emotions seperate xx
I totally agree Terri, never been in this situation so didn't expect him to come out with that, he's conned me with the romantic dates & presents & awesome sex....the bastard lol! Maybe he did want a relationship, but got to know me a bit better & changed his mind....but doesn't want the sex to stop.....Who knows! X
You may think he's conned you but if a fuck buddy was all he wanted you've actually done pretty well out of it ! x
Honesty is always the best case. He has seemingly been honest with you - albeit a bit later than perhaps he should have been. (I kind of think if all you want is sex then you should say that before you get the goods, not after.)
Now it's your turn to be honest, with him and with yourself. You already have feelings for this guy and if you keep sleeping with him it's very likely that these will deepen. You need to tell him this and accept that he may run for the hills not wanting a relationship. He may also change his mind, but you're not going to get a decent and respectful relationship by going along with the fuck-buddy arrangement and hoping something will change at some point. If he wants a relationship with you he will chase this, and maybe breaking things off for a while from your current arrangement will make him see this. If an honest chat about what it is you're after doesn't get you anywhere then at least you are free to find someone who can and will give you what you need.
Personally I've been on both sides of this, and honesty and ground rules are crucial. I think that women can be just as happy with the fuck-buddy arrangment as guys, but only if they don't have feelings for the person. This goes both ways - I've had arrangements with guys that I have been very honest with and told them they would never be my boyfriend, and then they got hurt as they were hanging around hoping I would change my mind.
Good luck and big hugs. x
Ha ha I suppose so, just wish he'd said sooner & not done all the romantic stuff then I wouldn't have been caught off guard. Still I've got a few nice bits off here to keep me going if I decide to walk away so all is not lost ha ha! 😂 x
Thanks happyvibe, I think telling him how I feel then walking away & seeing what happens is the best thing for me to do. I do have feelings for him but I'm not in too deep where I can't walk away....and the funny thing is he's done all the chasing up to now, he's the one who texts every morning when he wakes up plus all through the day when he's working then rings me for hours on a night so maybe he'll miss me when I sashay off wiggling my bum......but if he doesn't then it's his loss & I can't regret it coz we had great fun lol! X
It is good that he was honest with you. My only concern is that you started of going on dates in hope of a relationship? I would tread carefully on that as in the long run you may end up getting hurt.
Esp if he does go on dates with others and meets someone he does want a relationship with.
I would see how it goes, hold off on the sex for a bit and be honest with him about how you feel ect. If emotions are already involved then I would step away from that arrangement.
To come out with this after this amount of time is a bit strange, especially considering the dating etc.
Perhaps there's an underlying reason for this... Perhaps he has scared himself by how compatible you both are and how he feels already.
Perhaps, I hate to suggest it, there is someone else? Although him meeting your friends would be quite bold of him if there were, maybe he has lured you in a bit to fall for him so you will hang on as a FB.
jr78 wrote:
Thanks happyvibe, I think telling him how I feel then walking away & seeing what happens is the best thing for me to do. I do have feelings for him but I'm not in too deep where I can't walk away....and the funny thing is he's done all the chasing up to now, he's the one who texts every morning when he wakes up plus all through the day when he's working then rings me for hours on a night so maybe he'll miss me when I sashay off wiggling my bum......but if he doesn't then it's his loss & I can't regret it coz we had great fun lol! X
Definitely! Good plan! Be honest, lay your cards on the table and see what happens. I do believe everything happens for a reason and people come in and out of our lives at certain times for a reason. Maybe his reason is to show you a good time and nothing more, we shall see. Great that you have such a positive attitude on it - if he walks away then you've lost nothing but had a great time. x
I'm going through something like this too, I've never really been with a guy, too scared but this really nice guy was welcoming (I was super drunk) and he helped carry me to my flat and we messed about abit and it was amazing although I didn't let him get further than fingering me. We spoke for a while online and met up now and again on dates and I really like him but he now is only just telling me that he isn't interested in a relationship, just a friend with benefits..I'm really sad
I've never had a fuck buddy but do think it's bad form that he told you that's all he wanted after you'd already had enough time to develop feelings and sleep together. Maybe think of this and any other bad things about him to try and detach emotionally and just continue having sex!
Hannahh wrote:
I'm going through something like this too, I've never really been with a guy, too scared but this really nice guy was welcoming (I was super drunk) and he helped carry me to my flat and we messed about abit and it was amazing although I didn't let him get further than fingering me. We spoke for a while online and met up now and again on dates and I really like him but he now is only just telling me that he isn't interested in a relationship, just a friend with benefits..I'm really sad
Oh Hannahh, please be careful! Never again let anyone (even nice welcoming people) help carry you to your flat when you're super drunk. You've had a lucky escape this time. Not to be too rude about this guy, but anyone that just meets someone and goes as far as fingering them when they're really drunk is taking advantage, no matter how much you wanted things to happen.
Don't be sad at all, there are lovely respectful guys out there and you will find one in your own time. Have fun in the meantime, but be safe.
(p.s. Just because we may want someone to throw us about the bedroom a bit and spank us doesn't mean that you don't deserve to be treated with the utmost respect!)