Interested in what everyone’s thoughts are on a Happy Ending at the end of a massage when in a relationship - is this a boundary for you, or not?
Absolutely not – this would cross a hard boundary
It depends – Okay if discussed and agreed upon openly
It depends - Okay if there’s no emotional connection and it’s not ongoing
Not bothered at all – go ahead, it’s just a service
Other - Share in comments
0voters
*I’m using “boundary” as there are many relationship structures, and what qualifies as “cheating” is not one size fits all.
**Context: ***
Was speaking with my partner this weekend, and she said that she doesn’t think that a happy ending at the end of a massage would be cheating. To my surprise, she even said that she thought that I would have had a couple, as I get massages regularly.
I’ve never had, or been offered a Happy Ending, I’m not sure if it is even for me, but had I been and I was tempted, I would have stood in a firm no as I thought this would have been a no-go.
She then shared that she would be much more concerned about emotional boundaries being crossed, such as flirty texting, and sees this as cheating, even if there is no physical contact. I get this view, and agree in many ways, but was not expecting it.
Recently we went to a city that was full of massage parlours. I kept saying I was heading in joking and my wife told me to tell her what it was like. I was very tempted to push it and actually go in but I held back on the test.
She said as long as they dont kiss you and just have the thug she didn’t mind. Again not sure how it would go down.
It actually made me love her more . Turned me on thinking about telling her what they did to me and her enjoying it.
However I think it was a test.
But I personally don’t care if someone uses them. I had many a doc feel up my private parts that it’s just another pair of hands.
Many moons ago, whilst in between relationships, I thought it would be nice to have a massage at the local parlour, all their adverts made it seem like it was a genuine massage ONLY establishment. Anyway paid my fee, was taken to a pleasant, clean room with soft lighting and music and a massage table. I was told to undress, lie face down on the massage table , cover myself with the towel and my masseuse would be in shortly. Iwas comfortable on the bed, a knock on the door and the lady entered introduced herself and asked if I wanted firm or gentle massage, I replied firm. She folded the towel down to expose my back and started giving me an amazing massage, she kept pouring on warm oil and then she folded the towel up to expose my legs. She carried on pouring the oil and massaging my legs, suddenly she gently removed the towel and started massaging my buttocks, she poured on more warm oil and let it run down my bum crack and it warmed my balls up as it ran over them. As she continued massaging my legs, back and buttocks every now and again my balls and bum hole would get a little gently brush pass, I was asked to turn over and the massage continued on chest, stomach and legs, again, every now and again she would brush by my penis and balls. By this time my excitement wasn’t hiding itself and they question was asked,” would sir like a happy ending” unable to resist, we agreed a price. She poured more warm on my balls and penis and gave me the best hand job ever, one hand paying attention to my penis, the other my balls and bum hole. Shortly after I was in a new relationship, so the experience was never repeated, but I would highly recommend it in the right circumstances.
Would be a hard boundary for me no other bloke or woman for that matter fidd!es with my bits. Also a hard boundary for hubby, we would both consider it as cheating only peop!e to touch our intimate parts would be the likes of medical doctors.
I have had massages before to help with my back and if anyone said about a happy ending i would probably give them a unhappy one in the mush. @JustSomeFun have you thought maybe she reacted this way because she has had a happy ending massage herself, its not always just men that are offered them.
Haha, I was pretty confused at first too, but I can follow the logic that one is transactional and clean cut, whilst the other has an emotional connection, which imo does have more threat.
Good question on whether she would have changed if I said yes.
Thinking back, I cannot recall the prior conversation as I was so surprised. But, she didn’t actually ask if I had or not, I just asked her if she thought I had after she made the comment, and she said she presumed I had. Was pretty surprised she thought I would have too.
I brought it up a few times that evening to have a poke, but didn’t want to poke around too much.
There was a sexiness in the permission, and if it ever did happen (probably not), I can imagine that if your partner was into it, it would be very hot to talk back during sex.
I guess lots of swingers who swap have this dynamic.
An unhappy one in the mush, this nearly made me spit out my tea
You can never be 100%, I guess but I am certain that’s not the case, although the thought did pop into my head.
I have a feeling it’s either because I have brought up tantric body work previously, and wanting to explore that to build more safety in my body. Or she just genuinely thought I had, because I get a lot of massages, and I have a very high sex drive, and she’s ‘come to terms with it’ pre-emptively in case I had.
I’m genuinely curious, but cautious of poking around the topic too much, which is why I started this thread to get some other insights. The poll is proving very interesting.
Thats just me. Used to get a lot of unwanted attention in my youth, written about my experience on a spanish beach when i sunbathed topless. Young lads grabbing and touching me so i learned to make my feelings about it clear, like the time i got chased around a kitchen table by a bloke that was at least thirty years older than me and i hit him on the head with a saucepan. He didnt bother me again.
Letting another woman touch you is far worse than messaging or flirting with someone. Both can be stopped and neither are great in my opinion.
I struggle to understand just because it has emotional connection, that both are not cheating. The happy ending, could easily lead to exchanging numbers if you went back multiple times and then you find yourself doing both - what about if you gain feelings after the massage?
It’s all a bit risky and really tests the trust you have for each other
It would be interesting seeing this question asked the other way around - I certainly wouldn’t let a random man touch my clit or give me 2 finger discount after a massage
I agree with you its cheating and i would find it extremely difficult to forgive such an indiscretion/breach of trust, actually i dont think i could.
If permission is given by the oh then that is different but what is good for one then the other should be granted the same if they so wish.
I hear you, and your stance is clear. I’m not trying to change that.
And of course, there is a chance a happy ending could lead to number exchange or feelings but that could be said for just an ordinary massage or any interaction, for that matter.
To be clear, I have not had a happy ending, and have no intention. It just came up in conversation with my partner, and I thought it was interesting (and surprising), so I wanted to open it up to the forum, as it is a safe place for discussion.
I am not looking to reach a universal answer with this post, just explore perspectives, as it ultimately comes down to the couple and what they’re comfortable with.
Also, my question is open to all relationship dynamics, I’m not asking if it’s ok or not for men, I want to hear both sides, women get exotic massage too.
Debate is healthy and that’s why the forum is great @JustSomeFun I guess I’m stuck in my ways - if one of them is cheating then surely both are either cheating or neither of them are. We might just have to agree, to disagree on this topic, which is absolutely fine
I guess I’m stuck in my ways - if one of them is cheating then surely both are either cheating or neither of them are. We might just have to agree, to disagree on this topic, which is absolutely fine 