Havent told husband

So I have purchased butt plug etc but haven’t told husband…i have the butt plug for the last year and dont regularly use it untill recently when my sex drive finally made a reappearance with hrt. We literally tell each other everything…. I don’t know why I feel weird and haven’t told him…. Anyone else the same

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Why did you buy it? And let’s try to figure out why you didn’t tell him…

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He is the best husband in the world. I really have had a few crap years since having kids due to midwife stitching too tight after child birth and causing so much pain it literally detered me from sex. Then got that sorted and perimenopause and artheritis ruined my sex drive (jesus i sound so decrepit)…Hrt has helped and now I feel he will think it’s weird and ill feel like a fool. I think I need to just get my confidence back.

I bought them to reignite my fire iykwim

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Have a chat with him about it - you might get a nice surprise :blush:

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I can really relate to this. Last year I wasn’t in the best place sexually for personal reasons. This year I made a conscious decision to change that because I wanted to feel more confident and more like myself again. Part of that meant branching out and buying a few sex toys to experiment with.

At first, the intention was mostly for private use, but I did talk to my partner about it. I’m so glad I did. He was actually very supportive and surprisingly enthusiastic, and even wanted to explore using them together.

One of the biggest surprises was receiving a male stroker as a free gift with one of my orders. He had never tried a sex toy before, and I didn’t expect how much I would enjoy using it on him. That experience really opened the door for trying new things together and for each other.

We’ve always had a spark, but now it genuinely feels like a full-blown forest fire :fire: We’re having so much fun, and I honestly don’t think it would have unfolded this way if I hadn’t included him in the conversation from the start.

I suppose the point of sharing this is to encourage openness. Sometimes the reaction is far more positive than you expect, and that can make all the difference.

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I really do understand your reservations. Rather than tackling that you have existing items, how about approaching it by buying something for him, maybe a male stroker with some underwear for each of you and some flavoured lube then presenting old and new items (all clean and unpackaged) in a box as a valentines gift for the 2 of you and planning an early night? The rules being you use his items on you and vice versa so you are both involved? It doesn’t have to be expensive and although you might need to accept you have to take it steady, it will probably be very well received!

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I think he will be absolutely thrilled with your purchases, please don’t worry about telling him :heart_eyes:

I know sometimes with sexual stuff I feel more confident if I text my husband, rather than face to face. Maybe text him that you have bought something and tease him a little - make it fun and light hearted x

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@Sunshine3 - there is nothing to hide and in fact you should embrace using and owning butt plugs

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@Sunshine3 think it is time to have a chat, deciept doesn’t sit comfortably with you, so just be honest, I would be impressed if it were me, the efforts you are making to reignite your sex drive, which can only be beneficial for both of you.

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There was a subset of toys I didn’t show my wife for a long time and several times I’ve actually thrown them all out, only to replace them later.. I was embarrassed and ashamed of them because of religious stigma in my own background, and because she’d mentioned reservations in the past. But then I got my AuDHD diagnosis and suddenly they made sense. They had context and the reason I liked them was obvious.
So one night at a hotel I added them to our suitcase of toys and gingerly showed them as we opened it up. Once I explained where I was coming from and how and why they helped me, she was fine and there’s been no judgement or shame.
So that was anal toys, sounding and electro. She can’t abide anything anal but is fine knowing I use them solo.

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Just fluff up some courage and say to him one evening when having sex! You might be surprised how much it turns him on

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You can either tell him you thought it might help how you were feeling but you havent really used it or tell him you bought one and want to try it with him.

You dont have to tell him when you got it exactly.

If he wants to help you try the plug then you get what you wanted and see how you both like it.

Just be open and honest with him, he will probably understand more than you think especially since you hold him in such high regards

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Some good advice here. I particularly agree with @AJSTAR . Talking about what turns you on is sometimes much easier during foreplay/sex. It works for me and if my OH told me about using a butt plug during sex it would turn me on big time.

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I would second this advice, perhaps starting small might be the best option.

Just in case you’re looking for ideas, my partner and I were pleasantly surprised by this warming lube, as we hadn’t tried something like this together before. A little goes a long way with it though and it’s not uncomfortable, just pleasantly tingly and amplifies everything. There is a slight cinnamon scent though just as a warning and you don’t really notice it after a bit.

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Aw thanks everyone. Honestly got some great suggestions and understanding here so I appreciate it.

Getting all tingly at the thoughts lols

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UPDATE

so I took all your advice and additionally from posts here I have promised myself to try something new each week. Last night I let my husband take over my body with some rough nipple play and the most luscious fingering and oral session that lasted 3 hours. I just let myself go and felt it all without being self conscious. Low and below a finger slipped into my bum and I asked him to not be shy so we ventured up to more fingers and it felt so good telling him what to do. He said he wanted to try aswell cause I was enjoying it so much and I took immense pleasure in exploring his ass….

This is the best part….. he even recommended getting some anal toys that would help us enjoy it even more !!! i couldnt believe it…. He finished by cumming all over my tit’s massaging it in….. I was woken up at 8 this morning with throbbing nipples and his cock making another grand entry from behind again!!!

Its been a long time that i had to get ready to go to work with sore nipples and a wet pussy. Feels so good and I just wanna do it all over again, even our bedroom windows are literally dripping and steamy.

Thanks for all the advice it paid off and all the tips here has helped me experiment more.

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Fantastic so pleased for you both.

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Me too and if it wasn’t for this forum I don’t think I would feel the way I do about sex and myself. Xxx

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We always try our best to help and give good advice :slightly_smiling_face: im glad things are getting better for you and your husband. Enjoy and have fun

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And it’s just the start @Sunshine3. It’s infectious! Orgasms are addictive. But best of all is that attention from you OH. I love you just giving yourself to him.

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