Help for some better sex

My wife and I have bean together for nearly 10years not saying the sex is bad but I just want to spice it up a little she doesn’t seem to like sex toys she’s a little fridged in trying new things Iv got her vibrators in the past she didn’t really want to use it so it just went in the bin got a vibrating cock ring she doesn’t get that much joy out of that just seeing if anyone got any suggestions thanks


If she’s not into toys that kind of limits a lot of things especially if she doesn’t like trying new things. Could try to easy into things by using a bullet vibe or a little slip on finger one that you use on her. Outside of toys you have role play though if she doesn’t like new things uncertain if she’d be willing to try. Also could go more sensual and get massage oil or a massage oil candle, perhaps a blindfold.

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Throwing them in the bin was probably a bad idea If she’s like a lot of women I know she’d probably have had a sneaky go at them (especially if one was a non-threatening bullet) when she had some private alone time.

A hint is to try to track her monthly cycle and give her that alone time midway when she starts feeling horny (assuming she’s not on hormonal contraception which can skew or kill libido).

If she doesn’t have a bullet buy her a nice one like the Mantric. It has cute lights and feels expensive. Add some lube to the order, too. Sex is always better with lube, even solo sex. If she’s still a little reluctant use it on yourself first then encourage her to try it. After all, toys are for men as well as women. You might love it so much you can have a his and hers pair!

Have you actually talked to her about this or just hinted by buying toys? I’m a HUGE fan of toys and feel they can enhance any partnership but we’re not telepathic. Our brains are our biggest sex organ so definitely start with a chat. But please don’t call her frigid. It’s frequently used as an insult, one that no woman I know responds well to.


Hello Adam welcome to the forum I will start by saying that I was in a 10-year relationship with my other half and i only ever used one sex toy from another well-known company and wasn’t interested in trying anything if they were anything like the one that I had. I was only ever aware of vibrators or dildos however there is a huge spectrum of toys for both ladies and gents. Has your other half ever liked dressing up? Maybe she would appreciate a nice lingerie set rather than a toy for now. maybe try mentholated lubricant so the sensation is heightened for her rather than using a toy it may encourage her to go that step further is she aware where that sex toys include more than the obvious not to sound in any way patronising but I wasn’t aware that there was such devices as clitoral only stimulation toys and I wouldn’t know what I’d do without them right now.


Yer I have shown her some toys before but she just looks at them all confused she got 4 or 5 lingerie sets so don’t no might suggest watching porn together dont no

Might give the finger bullet a try thanks

Warm her up first, then you can add toys over time. Doing certain things can make someone feel awkward to begin with, it might not feel normal. For example I like using sex toys and having sex but I hate masterbating solo, it feels weird.

Why don’t you try role play? Dressing up. This will help her gain confidence and wearing a masquerade mask will allow her to feel like she can be someone else during sex.

Satin ribbon restraints can be used to make thinks kinky by tying her up then add sensory play object to tease her. This can be a feather tickler, pinwheel, massage oil or candle, nipple suckers and maybe a soft paddle.

Then add a clit vibe that doesn’t go inside her and tease her with it.


can I ask and don’t feel any need to respond but is there actually anything wrong with your sex life at the moment is the sex ok? is it a fact of just wanting to try something new?

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No nothing wrong with the sex just fancy trying something new and different

Yer might give that bullet a go no not really talked seriously just like joked about it in the past and I’ve just bought the toys in the past

I would definitely say have a proper chat with her, ideally when you both have a little time and neither of you are horny. It can be helpful if you have some ideas of what you might like to try so you can guide the conversation but try not to go too far and make it sound like a list of demands.

Lovehoney have some great own brand Guide books at the moment, maybe something like that could help? The positions one could be a good start and/or the rest of the actual Lovehoney ones are on the 3 for £15 deal.

Alternatively, what about a Game ? There are some simple card games or maybe some dice?


It’s best to communicate with her I think. Unfortunately a lot of people have complex reasons to be opposed to sex toys, and there’s not always a quick fix. Ask her what she wants, the key to fulfilling sex is usually to have mutual understanding of what you both want in bed. If sex toys don’t appeal to her at all then using them won’t improve the sex for her!


Try rubbing the bullet on yourself, through your underwear is good, and asking your wife to rub you with it. She might well think it looks fun. :heartbeat:

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This! @VR may well have made the most valid and helpful point on this entire discussion.

Only just over a year ago, I myself was never into sex toys - shocking I know - until my husband began to introduce them into my life - our lives. Prior to this exposure, I wouldn’t have even dreamed of touching a buzzy bullet let alone being tied up and gagged. Gosh, I would blush even walking 3 quarters of the way back into a well know high street lingerie store and seeing a dick shaped bunny on the back wall shelves. Now I’d strut to the back just laugh at their poor selection.

We had a healthy vanilla sex life, you know the normal every few nights kind of thing, small amount of foreplay followed by mediocre missionary, it was ok and I was content. My husband asked me how many times I would cum during our sex… “excuse me!?” I still remember my shock and embarrassment at this question, I remember my answer more though. “Never”.

My husband discussed buying toys for me -for us I guess - last year and I told him “absolutely not, no thank you, nuh uh.” And that was that. Unbeknownst to me, he purchased a small section of toys in secret. A blindfold, a small 7” bright neon pink dildo and a bullet, nothing intimidating and nothing that would scream massive cock and diesel engined vibrator at me. I won’t lie, when the post arrived and I opened it, my eyes nearly fell from my head and I was extremely intrigued but I text snd told my husband not a chance, no way, I wanted none of it. He unpackaged the items when he was home just to show me and have a bit of a laugh I guess and told me he was just going to leave them in his drawer by the bed if I ever change me my mind. I chuckled and told him to do one.

The next day while he was at work and I had the day alone to myself, I scurried upstairs and I tried these little delights out with absolutely no intention of ever letting him know. A couple of hours later and sweating like I’d run a marathon, I text him to let him know that the man had done good.

What I’m trying to say is, if I hadn’t had the opportunity for someone to buy these first toys for me, and then I hadn’t been able to try them alone all by myself at my own timing with no pressure and nobody even knowing I was going to do it, then I wouldn’t be the sex toy addict I am today… maybe that’s not such a good thing after all :smile::woman_facepalming:t3:

I agree that communication of any kind in a relationship is key to success, but for us and in this instance, the communication may have not been as effective as just letting things roll out themselves.

My advice, buy a small dildo and a bullet, let her know they’re there and chuck them in a top bedroom drawer and forget about them… I doubt she’ll forget about them.


Thanks that sounds like a very good idea and reading your story sounds very similar to my other half

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Hi @adaml.91

Looking at lovehoney’s site together in bed could be a fun way to get some idea what she could be curious to try.
She may not feel able to tell you directly straight away but it’s great to get some clues about things she’s definitely not ready to try, her attitudes, as well as maybe being a laugh and an intimate naughty moment.

My wife and I have enjoyed many chats about each other’s desires and turn-offs while window shopping online. Our sex life has developed and evolved with time, but many awesome bedroom antics started off after chats in bed with a laptop.
Some folk are always going to be more vanilla, maybe adore lingerie or simply want you and maybe a good lube. Some might be itching to don rubber or try pegging. Everyone’s different.

Talking about it in a way that’s private, intimate, and fun for you both is a great way to open up in time about what you both want. It’s a good way to work out what she wants and a chance to explore together. It’s also gives you clues for ways to surprise her. If she feels like you’ve listened and care about her pleasure, she has a chance to feel involved. If she knows it makes you happy too, amazing!

Don’t be put off if you feel you’ve got it wrong first time. She’ll probably really appreciate the thought, and you’ll have learned something. Sometimes toys are rubbish first try, and get better once you work out the best ways to use them…


This is an awesome dildo for the money:

Lifelike Lover Luxe

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I bet he can count the number of times he’s wished that on zero hands… Nice little story, hope it helps the OP out reading it.

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Hi @adaml.91, welcome to the community


Might be worth a chat if you haven’t already to discuss what toys she might be interested in.

I’d really recommend a wand but think this might be a step too far for your first move.

Perhaps it’ll be worth giving her the space to try a toy without you being there, might give her some confidence to try the toy without feeling any pressure.

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Does you wife like porn? If you can get her to watch sex toy porn she may see that it’s enjoyable. I would recommend previewing the porn to find a suitable one that really demonstrates how good a toy can be.

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