I feel for you, you say since you were pregnant, does he now feel left out since the child? If the pregnancy unfortunately did not lead to a child is he/you/both of you suffering mentally? Is there any possibility of someone else? Could he be depressed and needs medical assistance? @MrsG17
The first time it happened I did exactly what your husband is doing. Intimacy disappeared and I shut my wife out refusing help. I almost lost her. Eventually I went to see the doctor who diagnosed anti - depressants and counselling. Gradually this enabled me to prioritise and deal with all the issues causing the stress (many were of my own making) and now, when I feel the symptoms starting to build, I talk to my wife and we establish the causes of the stress and deal with them before it gets out of hand. Reaching this point has been a long journey though.
It may be hard but your husband needs to seek medical advice quickly.
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@steve19 the pregnancy did lead to a child, we were fortunate there. He probably did feel left out, specially because she was breastfed. But he doesnāt feel left out now, but she can be a handful and he does get stressed out and feel overwhelmed. Heās turned to drink and he drinks everyday, he thinks he can just blur it out by drinking but itās not solving his issues. Like I said he wonāt go and get help, which is what he needs
Hi @MrsG17
Is it possible heās having a crisis of confidence? Iāve personally been through a few periods of low self confidence in the past when it comes to sex.
Sometimes itās been because of unrealistic expectations around performance, or what my wife wants. For instance, I used to naively imagine that having sex should be more like porn Iād seen where the guy pounds away enthusiastically for half an hour or more, and gives multiple orgasms to his partner.
This requires the a) quite a bit of sexual athleticism, b) the ability to stay hard for half an hour, including the skill off not coming too quickly (and falling asleep).
This also completely ignored the fact that my wife would probably get hella sore and probably very bored by mere in-out pounding.
This rather specific example is my attempt to illustrate that at times Iāve felt unable to perform as I (rightly or wrongly) thought I should be able to. This was exacerbated by times of emotional difficulty, and feeling unsure I was going to satisfy my wife. So at times, the defences came up. It became a kind of āsafe modeā where hugs and holding hands was about as far as it got for us.
Rejection/ Micro-rejections can feel really hurtful, but they often come from a different place than where we think at first. Sometimes the only way to resolve this is to talk about it.
Many of us guys arenāt naturally up-front about feelings and motivations. Itās taken years of conversations to unpick some of my own insecurities and misconceptions. My wifeās been absolutely amazing though. Sheās stuck by me and weāve talked things out many times. Sheās also been really open about sharing her deepest desires, boundaries, and vulnerabilities with me. Which helps me to feel more way more confident in turn.
She sometimes has her own wobbles too and our sex life takes a hit from the other side. But in the main weāre both now much better at recognising the signs, talking about whatās bothering us, and giving each other time to get over emotional difficulties. In our experience, weāve had temporary dry spells where life gets in the way of great sex, or even any sex at all, but weāve always managed to get back on track eventually.
Whateverās causing the current setbacks for your sex-life together, I hope you can both keep communicating and being kind and supportive of each other. In the meantime, a bit of DIY pleasure can be a ton of fun too!
Good luckā
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Hi @MrsG17 , firstly my thoughts are with you, it is not a nice place to be, very frustrating particularly on top of the mental stress of current pandemic. I have been there and it doesnāt make you feel good about yourself. But is it only āin your headā or has he āgone off youā. Donāt turn āthoughtsā into āfactsā, get them checked, and only one person can āfact checkā it for you.
There have been lots of good suggestions on here, but I have one more if face to face discussion doesnāt happen. Try writing him a letter, explain how you feel and why you feel that way and ask him to respond, explaining how you can help, remember you are a team and a team is stronger than the parts individually.
Good luck and fingers crossed you can get over this blip
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100% @Blonde_Bunny - Exactly the same experience as you (although not with the short skirts and buttplugs). Itās a tough one to get your head around that peopleās desires and urges change/arenāt the same as yours - but once you do itās a much happier place! Pretty sure my wife is very tired of seeing photos of my c@ck with cock rings onā¦.or me doing the cooking in just an apronā¦
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Just posted before the drinking topic came up.
Iām sorry to hear that.
This can be a very self-destructive path, as well as being a potential relationship wrecking ball, but itās also been a bit of a pressure release valve for many people in COVID times. Itās common if people are grieving too. Not just grieving for a lost loved one, but grieving for something else theyāve lost.
I have a friend whoās a totally inspiring guitar player. He swears a single shot of rum helps him relax just enough to play better, but if he has any more than one, his playing goes to sh#t.
If a drink gets your husband feeling more relaxed, timingās key. If heās anything like me, after one or two drinks he may feel amorous and more like his better more confident self , but after one too many he wonāt be much use at all in bed.
Edited to take out a bit of detailsā¦
ā¦we were stuck in a huge rut.
recently I went on the pill to help a related Health issue but decided it wasnāt for me and stopped taking it, during this time we had a not so much make or break chat and discussed everything, everything going back years, his issue was non intimacy, my issue was the drink. Weāve made slow steps and the sex has exploded (gone from once every month/months to 5-6 times a week) itās slow work but we are getting there, he still drinks often but itās not as much, Iāll take that as a small victory and a step in a right-ish direction. I hope things improve x
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@rockstar he did actually admit he needed help before, but then the next day he changed his mind, saying he doesnāt need help. But he does! even his mum has said he needs help
I donāt know how to get through to him.
I canāt help you with that really as itās so personal.
In my case it all came to a head when I just walked out of work, got in the car and just drove. I ended up on the opposite side of the country before I knew what I was doing. That was my wake up call.
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Thatās hilarious! Yea, Iām not really sure Iād get off on that either, probably just hurt.
I wouldnāt think he had any self esteem issues in that department as I am constantly reassuring him how great he is in bed and how fabulous his cock feels etc.
I just think heās a very sensitive soul, Iām just not used to it as he hides it all away and puts on a front until he canāt no more then he explodes and brings up something from 3 years ago because I used the wrong tone of voice or something
@Buzboy thatās a brilliant idea 
That way he can not walk away and can read it in his own time and when heās in the right frame if mind. Pure brilliance! Thank you for that suggestion x
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I couldnāt have put it better myselfā¦ This is where we are.
I think we do need a good chat and hopefully we can sort it out. Iām glad your both in a good place and I hope itāll work for us too. Thank you so much for sharing 
That really is a shame, the drink is more than likely the reason. I have no knowledge/understanding of such problems so I cannot offer any advice. It may be worth you seeking advice on how to deal with things and also gain some support. On a positive note you have a lovely child (although at times they can be a handful). I really feel for you and will keep everything crossed you get some support/help.
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@MrsG17 it says on your profile that you have a much higher sex drive than your husband. I think this is the case for most people - thereās generally one who wants sex more than the other.
Iāve only ever had one partner who had an equal sex drive to me, and ironically that didnāt āmatterā as we arenāt together albeit for non-sexual reasons.
My girlfriend has a lower sex drive to me and our sex is fairly sporadic in that we tend to have sex around once per week. But sometimes more and other times a little less.
Weāve come to an agreement that because we have unequal sex drives making time for it once per week is necessary otherwise it could lead to problems. This is of course a communication issue: weāve talked about this a lot and still do, itās an ongoing process really.
If your husband is experiencing difficulties he may not see your sexual needs as a priority. I would suggest having a calm and open conversation that for you to be satisfied in the relationship, you want sex X times per week, and see if a compromise can be had. If other aspects of the relationship are good then walking away should be a last resort. But donāt feel trapped because it will only lead to resentment and bigger problems later. Put it to him youāre having the conversation for the good of you both that really is the key. Let us know how you go, you arenāt alone.
@Shagger11 he doesnāt think my sexual need is a priority and it should be as I am being starved of it and if he was ever like this I would never deny him, I would help him in whatever way I couldā¦
I will be having a conversation with him tomorrow night. 
Iām hoping itāll get everything sorted.
Pray for me, Iāll let youse know how I get on x
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@MrsG17 i wish you the best and you will have a good support network on this forum. I think I speak for most people here when I say collectively āweā have experienced these types of issue. You are never alone.
I would reiterate that when you have that conversation make sure itās not only about you or him individually but rather that you are having it to benefit you both and keep your relationship and bond strong. Itās difficult when you feel somebody is being selfish but coming to an arrangement that works for you both is always the best outcome
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I think most relationships can get into a rut of this kind. Obviously he needs to sort out the drinking and maybe more prodding from his mom may help him realise itās not just you having a go at him. Yes, write him a letter telling him how you feel, and what you want from him, and how you feel you can get things back on track. Lots of good advice from other members as ever, so i hope you get it sorted. 
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@MrsG17 hey maybe dressing up as the maid could help? Maybe break the tension with a sexy little joke.
It does seem like he has something on his mind and maybe finds it hard to talk with you as being his wife. (Some people are like that)
Like people have said have a sit and a talk if you have children maybe a night away in a hotel with a sexy outfit so he wonāt want to take his eyes off you.
Hope your chat with him works. If not maybe some professional help could work?
If all else fails maybe suggest a nuns outfit to love honey as a role playing idea. 
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