How Do I Learn?

Sex Tips & Talk
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I’m in a weird situation. I basically don’t know how to use my body, because I’m different.

I was evaluated recently as being intersex, along with beginning a mild transition from female to male. My body has a number of features that aren’t typical. I have a very large clitoris…currently working with a testosterone cream to masculinize it. Labia are large also, as well as these glands on either side underneath. Where it gets really odd is that I have a fully formed prostate, as well as a urethra that runs in a unique track. I’m a medical mystery. I’ve tried talking to my doctor about what that means for my sex life, but she wasn’t really able guide me adequately.

How do I learn to use my body? My partners are working with me, but I feel like I’m asking too much from them.

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Hmmm, not to sure, possibly a lot expeeimentation :thinking: sorry

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Have you looked to see if there are any intersex support groups, or asked your doctor if there are any?

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Touch all parts of yourself and see how they all feel, have your partners do the same. Don’t compare body parts, just enjoy them for what they are.

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I agree with @JoCat , take time by yourself to work out what works for you and what doesn’t, what gives you pleasure and what’s not worth bothering with.

It sounds as though your partners are willing to come on this journey with you which is great, take time to explore with them.

Don’t pressure yourself to try and meet any preconceived notions of what you or others think should happen or shouldn’t happen or be enjoyable, just find out what is for you.

Give honest feedback to your partners so that they know what is working. If you are worried about how they feel take time to ask what you can do for them and explore their bodies with them as well. Even those of us with more ‘standard’ anatomy could probably do with taking time to properly explore ourselves and help our partners to explore with us.

Relax and enjoy the journey

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I’m part of a group for trans and intersex people, but unfortunately they kind of have a rule about not talking about the actual…sex. The group has teenagers, so that’s part of the reason for the “keep it PG-13” rule.

I’m hesitant to ask more of my partners because my needs are already pretty intense. My sex drive is higher than most, I suspect. I enjoy sex and I get an orgasm very easily, I just don’t ever seem to be “done.”

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I think the others are right, explore, try everything and stick with the things you most enjoy. If you have a wand they’re great for both men and women, work very well for both a clit and a penis. If you’re in the process of transitioning then psychologically you might prefer to avoid vaginal toys. Fully depends on how you feel about it. If you have a prostate though, I’d definitely explore and see if you can achieve prostate orgasms.

Go for it, try everything and enjoy.

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@awkward-yet-sweet … Ive just learned that Intersex is the newer terminology for an older term, hermaphrodite. ( I hope im not being disrespectful and I acknowledge my ignorance)
This can not be an easy condition to live with and I hope there is support available if required.
As for sexual satisfaction, I agree with others here and suggest to just go with what feels good for you.

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I think have open conversations with your partners and let them also be involved in deciding what might be too much as well

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I kind of have an “anal only” sexual relationship with my husband. Although I got used to vaginal sex and even tried to get pregnant at one point, it was never very comfortable for me. I’m just too small and tight in there…it isn’t right for my body. I have all the female equipment, but its like I wasn’t supposed to be that way.

Not sure what a prostate orgasm is, although during anal sex there’s a spot I aim for.

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A prostate orgasm is when your prostate is stimulated. If the spot that you aim for feels really good then thats likely your prostate thats being stimulated and if you orgasm from it, thats a prostate orgasm.

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Exactly as @JoCat says, just stimulating your prostate until you orgasm. There are lots of toys designed to do this (just search prostate massagers on the shopping site) which you can experiment with both with your husband or on your own to find what feels best though if you’re achieving the same through anal sex you might well already be there.

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Id like to preface this by saying im cis female so take everything with a pinch of salt, please :slightly_smiling_face:

There is a great thread on prostate orgasms on here that has lots of good tips. Obviously some of it will not apply 1 for 1 to you, but I’m going to link it incase you feel its worth a look.
P-spot orgasms

Im wih everyone else. Even if your anatomy where standard, i would recommend exploring your body as we’re all wired a little differently from each other.

Pick a time when no one is going to interrupt you or walk in on you and you can just relax and take your time.
Go slow, concentrate on how things feel. Dont worry about whether you will come or not. Its more about investigating different sensations your body can produce.

Make sure your turned on before going between your legs or arse. So stroke your skin, play with your nipples, the inside of your thighs.
There are also a ton of secondary erogenous zones all over your body (its worth googling a list as there a quite a few) that are in unusual places like the side of your neck and behind your ears, behind your knees, the small of the back, around the belly button. Stroke, Draw small circles or patterns, squeeze, maybe try a bit of gentle scratching. Whatever feels good.
Thinking sexy thoughts helps too. Fantasies, sexy memories, whatever works for you.

Take slow deep breaths and try to relax into the sensations.

Once your nicely turned on work your way around slowly down there. I find using some lube makes this much easier.
On a cis female the whole of the pubic mound and folds of the vula are sensitive. This includes the labia. I often like to start by massaging the surrounding area before working inward toward things like my clit and labia.
(Obviously, your anatomy is unique to you, but it might be worth reading some masturbation guides for cis male and female anatomy just to get some ideas of things to try out)

Try different things.
Try rubbing different places, you may find some areas are more sensitive than others. (For me, the left side of my clit and the top of my left labia is more sensitive than my right).
When i was learning I have tried a load different stoking patterns to see what worked for me, circles, side to side, rubbing it up and down, tapping it. You can even jerk off a clit like you would a penis (this may appeal to you psychologically so its a good one to try). It is also possible to pull back the surrounding skin gently to get better access.
If yours is large enough rolling it between your fingers might be worth a try too.

Ok, i have no idea how useful any of this will be for you. But thought it might hopefully give you a few ideas to start with.
Don’t be afraid to experiment and just go with what feels good. :slightly_smiling_face:

(Oh, there is also a nice sex toy blog by kelvin sparks that may appeal to you. He is trans male and a really good writer. I often read it and its alot of fun)

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Very interesting yet must be really frustrating for you with the lack of medical knowledge on this… have you tried searching on the internet to see if you can come across any experts in This field or people who share the same diagnosis?

I’d suspect if you’ve got a working prostate then anal sex could prove rather satisfying even if it’s just some small toys to stimulate it :nerd_face:

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Unfortunately, what I’ve got is really rare. I’m chromosomally 46XX female with no genetic anomalies…yet I’ve got a fully-formed prostate stuffed in there with all my female parts. I’ve only run into one other case mentioned online, and my doctor was so shocked she ran me through all kinds of tests, and scared me to death with talk of tumors and cancer. So, not a lot of resources.

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I don’t really get much time to play with myself, and when I do it is not nearly as good as working with my partners. I have one male partner (husband) and four female partners. We all share the same bed and share each other, which I really like but it doesn’t leave much solo time, and not a lot of 1-on-1 time either.

My biggest frustration is orgasming too soon, followed by not orgasming hard enough to feel like I’m empty. Last night with my husband, I literally had my first orgasm when we were kissing. No touch on my sensitive parts at all, and I’m already dribbling liquid. I’m really messy, and even though my partners say they like it and I’m fine, I can’t help feeling embarrassed.

We’ve kind of gotten a routine that mostly works. With my husband inside me, he pushes against the spot (probably prostate) that feels really good. He’ll push 2-3x, then grab my shoulders and firmly push deep. I simultaneously arch my back and squeeze my pelvic muscles. Then repeat. He’ll squeeze my clit really hard, or a female partner will lick/suck on me. This kind of sex feels the best, or at least the most affirming of my gender. I feel good like this, but have this internal feeling that there’s something more I can’t quite get to.

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Hi @awkward-yet-sweet, I’m not sure what I can add other than what others have suggested but there are a few things you mentioned in your last post that got me thinking…

Would it be unreasonable to ask your husband or one of your partners for a bit of 1-on-1 time and explain why (like you have here - you feel you need to explore your body a bit more)? I would have thought that they love you and would be understanding. As for solo time, could you have a bit of “me time” in the bath?

Don’t feel embarrassed, I’m sure when they say it, they really do mean that they love it. I’d like to be a bit more like that myself, my husband would love it.

I’m cis - female so this might not be relevant. I love anal sex and find that I can stimulate my g-spot during anal better than during vaginal sex. Might this be something that you could try? Have you found your g-spot or do you know if you have one?

I used to do this all the time and it meant that i could orgasm very quickly whenever i wanted, but it caused some issues eventually (i’m not saying that it is a problem for anyone else, my issues are a bit unusual). I had to stop doing it and eventually found that orgasming without squeezing my pelvic floor took a lot longer but was way more satisfying. It might be worth seeing what happens when you change your routine and do things differently?

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Maybe try to think of it as an adventure or journey your can all go on together. I often find reframing things changes how i feel about them and can be really helpful. (I often stress im putting people out even when im not).

I know i (and I’m sure others on here) can get really wet as well. There are plenty of people who squirt on here (myself included) so don’t worry about being wet. Your partners clearly like it as well.

There are other tricks to help put an orgasm off. I don’t know many (i have the opposite issue) so it would be worth looking some up.
But taking deep, slow breaths. trying to breath from your stomach can help, so os worth a try.
I also find (for me) relaxing into the sensation (as opposed to tensing as i near orgasm) also helps me.

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I might be able to ask my partners for more 1-on-1 time…I’m starting to get my voice where I can talk a bit about what I need without them guessing. I suppose I could play in the shower by myself, but I hardly ever shower alone. I’m used to my husband hugging me and washing me. I have a really high need for physical touch and closeness.

I can work on my g-spot, but I’m trying to solve my gender issues…it feels weird during sex to be reminded that I have a vagina. With my husband, it is the time I feel most like I’m really a boy. Anal sex is the most satisfying, and when my husband finishes deep inside me I finally feel like I’m doing what my body was made for.

Squeezing my pelvic floor is primarily to remove liquid. The internet has been confusing me about what squirting actually is. I have a ton of natural vaginal lubricant, the prostate probably adds fluid into the urethra, which in my case has a branch draining onto my vagina. I’m a mess. The stronger orgasms come with an urge to push this stuff out of my body, almost like my bladder is full even when I know it isn’t. If I’m finished with sex but I still have that full feeling, it is really frustrating.

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That sounds really bad on your doctor scaring you like that :flushed:

I’d be thinking if you’ve got all your female parts and just a male prostate then sex wise you’d be able to enjoy the best of both worlds. Is your prostate fully functioning?