How do you initiate/ indicate an interest in sex

Me and my SO have been together almost 3 years now and we are finding that the amount of sex we have is getting less and less. Whenever we have conversations about it, it comes up that we both don’t know if the other one wants sex.

How do you initiate or drop hints that you want sex without making the other person feel obliged?



Its good to be spontaneous, showing effection, little hints, wearing sexy gear. But it is also good to plan date, times so both know whats expected, look forward too. Talk things through and try to give each other some time together. At times life can get in the way.


My partner of nearly 3 years just asks me out right every day if we’re having sex later in that evening(he takes Ed tablets in advance) I either reply saying yes or no :joy:

He works days and I work nights so we just try to do it around that. We usually have sex twice a week


I get it and have been there. If neither of you are particularly forward you can always do subtle things that don’t need communication but still lets the other person know you’re up for it e.g. if I wear this exact bracelet on my left wrist then I’m up for it, if it’s on my right wrist then I want particularly dirty sex (/insert other kink here), and if I’m not wearing it then let’s continue as normal.
That kind of thing can be subtle, and effective, and absolutely no pressure.


We’ve been through this in our younger days and its difficult.

Nowadays we have decided that any day when we don’t have to look after the grandkids we will be having sex of some sort. No one needs to initiate anything. We both know it’s happening and we’re both up for it.
On other days, if the opportunity arises my wife (she’s in charge sexually) is the one who tells me what’s going to happen.

It took us a long time to get to this point though .


Simple… I just tell him that I want his cock.

Works even better when I’ve got his favourite lingerie on, holding a spanking paddle and lube in the other hand :ok_hand:


If you go to bed before he does get in naked so when he comes up to bed he will definitely get the hint :joy: hasn’t failed me


I asked my husband this question and his answer was “it just happens”, so that’s helpful :joy:

I think for us, it starts with making one another feel appreciated and supported. We both WFH, so one makes breakfast tea/coffee and the other makes lunch. He cooks dinner, I clean the home. We talk to one another about our problems during the day as well.

When it comes to sex, sometimes it starts with a joke. For example, if my husband has had a report of a leak then I might say (in a really corny, totally suggestive voice) “I know somewhere that’s wet that the engineer can’t go”, and my husband, knowing exactly what I’m referring to, will say “really? Perhaps I can take a look”, knowing full well that’s exactly what I want to happen.

Sometimes it will start in more direct ways. I might ask him what he wants for lunch, to which he’ll say “you”, “you, naked” etc.

Then there have been the times when we’ve been triggered by something on TV. I remember watching the orgy episode of Open House: Great Sex Experiment and we kinda felt like we were being left out, so we had some fun of our own in the lounge. We also watched a film where the woman cheats on her husband and I admitted to my husband that the thought of having sex with a stranger turned me on. I now “cheat on my husband, with my husband” from time to time. Our marriage is fine, but the sex when I “cheat” is spectacular. He doesn’t treat me like his wife either, he treats me like cheap, easy meat and I love it, but afterwards he is so affectionate and sweet with me so I know it’s just rolepley :slight_smile:

There is our Kinky Fuckery Thursdays as well. They are scheduled, once a fortnight on a Thursday. There’s no initiating there, that’s basically “you know it’s gonna happen” sex :joy:

Lastly, is there a time when it does just kinda happen? For us, Saturday mornings are that one time. There’s no plan or arrangement, one of us is awake, the other wakes up, we kiss and… well, you can fill in the rest :wink:

I hope some of this has inspired some ideas :slight_smile:


Romantic acts tend to be a good go to like giving a massage or little tender touches of holding hands or cuddling on sofa, giving a kiss…


It has inspired some ideas for me.

For us it is usually spur of the moment and that has been fine for years. However, it seems like it is getting harder to know when that is right for both of us. No issues in the relationship, just lots going on for each of us and sometimes it is just being together that each of us want and not sex right then.

I like your Kink Night and think that is something I might propose to OH as I would like to do a certain adult play thing but don’t want it to impact our sex lives so to speak.


For me it’s a one liner - what mood are you in ???

It can be snuggle but sometimes sex - just ask :lovehoney_heart:


We started this as soon as we started to live together. Either of us sext the other and say something like:
I want your cock!
I’m not wearing any underwear, see you later.
I’ve got a HO which needs relieving.
A little imagination gets us gagging for it before we meet up.

I hope this works for you both. It’s worth a try just for the hightened anticipation.


Usually I can tell she’s up for it if I come out of the bathroom and she’s not tucked up in bed, but sat waiting for me or changed into something ‘interesting’ if she wants to be really obvious.

For her she can tell if I want it by if the day ends in “Y” :laughing:


When you kiss, deepen it a little and that’ll get you going. I love a good kiss and it always makes my bits happy.


:joy: well if he didnt get the idea from that ckue, i’d certainly be worried.


Try telling him your system could do with being power flushed.:joy:


I prefer to be more subtle approach… usually more along the lines of " Right get your kit off. "


OK, bet :wink:

Having a lot going on can definitely have an impact, unfortunately. Hubby is largely self-reliant at work and I’m self-employed, so both of us are often trying to make sure we’ve got our boxes ticked (not a euphemism).

I’m glad that the kink night suggestion helped. Even if it’s not necessarily a kink night, just setting aside some time to explore whatever you want to try can help. Good luck to you :slight_smile:


:joy: I want to know his reaction!!