How many chances is too many?

Off-Topic Chat
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As the title hints, when dating how many chances do you give someone new before calling it quits?

I’ve recently been in the situation where someone has repeatedly let me down on meeting for a first date yet in messages they show all the motivation for it and seem genuine, hell they even asked for it to be a date and each time gave me days they was free, but actions speak louder and I’ve now given them their 4th and final chance which is one more than I’d usually give anyone… they’ve quite literally blown it by again going silent and not communicating. I wouldn’t mind if they just told the truth or said they couldn’t make it but to ask me out and then ditch me by ignoring when they know plans were made is rather rude I think :thinking:

In all it’s made me once again feel very deflated :pensive:

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I think that deep down you know the answer.

Do not devalue yourself giving this person too many chances, and think 3 is more than enough.

If they are interested let them make the running, that way you will know for sure.

Good luck.

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I have a 3 strike rule. It can seem really harsh but it gives people a chance without me being strung along

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@AJSTAR I feel for you. That must be so frustrating.

Maybe they are scared, hiding something or are just a dick?

You are worth more, I know I don’t know you IRL but your kindness and support has meant a lot to me over the years.

Time for you to see your worth and set your boundaries my love. 4 times is just unacceptable x

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You are being messed about, either they aren’t serious or playing games with you as a form of control. The fact they’re ghosting you now is a red flag.
As @The_Little_Ladybird said, you’re a nice chap and always give positive helpful advice, you deserve better.

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I think it’s time to close that door, 4th time your been very generous in my life.

I’d do a 2nd time as something might of happened but four… Time to say goodbye

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I’m sorry you’re being messed about, there’s just no need for it. I give 2 chances and no more. I think people tend to give more chances out of hope, or bc the person talks a good talk, but their actions aren’t following through.

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Were their reasons for bailing on other dates legitimate, or did they just not show up?

I reckon 3 strikes is enough …

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I am ashamed to admit it but been on both sides of that set up. One time chance otherwise you are being played for convenience assuming you are looking for a relationship rather than a quickie.

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I would not give them any more chances, something is not right unfortunately, I think its time to move on.

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Is this someone you actually know or have met via a dating app?

Personally if they never turned up for meeting number one i’d have moved on and left them to chase me if they were genuinely interested.

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@AJSTAR i wish i was fit to offer some advice, but i dont know what to say but just wanted to reach out to you and say i am sorry that you are being messed about so badly

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Sorry to hear your being messed about @AJSTAR
As some have said above a 3 strike rule and your out, but I think you’ll know yourself if you’ve given them more than enough of your time and that it will be the right thing to stop and move on.

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Indeed the 3 strike rule usually helps weed out the time wasters but gutted as the conversation with them was good to start with and had much in common and felt like there could have been a spark but now I’ve managed to get my head around they just ain’t worth it if gonna keep ignoring me after they’ve repeatedly asked if I was free then blank me on the day :expressionless:

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Yes I totally agree to this and although I gave them a 4th final chance they still blew it without any care so seemed pointless even allowing myself to give them that extra thought

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This past week I’ve practically thought up every possible answer to what could be going on with them and the excuse they gave me was their phone keeps playing up as they dropped it yet it works fine for them to go on dating apps and to message me when they want to…

Just can’t get head around how it was them who asked me if it could be a date to see them as I originally said let’s hang out, and they’re the one who’s also then asked if I’m free each time, so why put that effort in if gonna just blank me on the day and leave me hanging :thinking:
Defo seems fishy but can’t workout their mind game.

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Feels like a big mind fuckery they’ve tried but can’t see what they’d get out of it :thinking:

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Yes I agree too, I’ve even got the opportunity today to consider stopping by to see if they’re at work as are at cafe Nero and try asking them why they keep messing me about but I’m gonna take the higher ground by not stoop to that level.

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Definitely don’t lower yourself, move on

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Sorry to hear that you are being messed around.
It’s bound to make you feel deflated but it’s sounds like they are the problem not you, try not to take it to heart it clearly wasn’t meant to be.
I hope you find someone who deserves you

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