@AJSTAR I would hug you if I could, I really feel you. I met a guy a few years ago myself who I thought was incredible - intelligent, funny, kind, good-looking and very generous - almost too good for me, really. Unfortunately the silent treatment became a regular thing for sometimes unknown reasons, but if I didn’t start the conversation (I started holding back because I felt like I was being messed around), that wasn’t okay - turns out he was married and planning to cheat on his wife with pretty much anyone who was willing!
It could be a lack of interest, it could be mind games because she knows you want her attention and she enjoys the power and control she has over you, she could even be a catfish or dishonest for some other reason entirely (like another partner!). It is hard, but recognise your value and cut contact. I did with mine and like has been much better as a result!
For what it’s worth, I’m also a three-strike person. Unless you cheat on me or abuse me, in which case there’s no second chance!
Indeed I tend to stick with 3 chances but ideally I always think of the saying ‘actions speak louder than words’ as I’ve come across too many who are full of talk and fantasising yet follow through to nothing
So the first time was last Friday and they had manners to say in advance that they’d forgotten about a family dinner as their father was going back to Italy, so I totally understood that and probably why I gave the 4th chance… then they went out of their way to say they’ll be free last Sunday so I said sure and spent the day getting ready and waiting on the text to say they was ready and when to meet but nothing. They blanked me till Tuesday after I’d sent various messages on WhatsApp then reverted back to the dating app, which got the reply of them apologising that their phone had been acting up after it was dropped the other week. Kinda seemed a bit odd but they then said again let’s meet Wednesday… same thing happened, blanked me… this time I sent text messages as thought maybe it’s the phone playing up and I got reply, we spoke ages that day and was nice and they kept apologising again and said Friday should be free after work, so I thought I’ll give one last chance as they was being lovely. But once again I spent Friday getting ready waiting feeling anxious for them to not reply at all
I’ve still not heard anything today but seen they’ve been online the dating app a little so they’ve had opportunities to write
I’ve made the point now to not write anything else to them until they can be bothered to reply if they do.
Yes I’ve done all the hookup type stuff and it does nothing for me as I prefer emotional connecting with someone. ideally want a relationship which is what I tell others when they ask so that there’s no miscommunication.
Yes I’ve really struggled mentally this last few days but today feels like I’ve started to get them out my system, even though spent the day talking about them with my friend and doing detective work haha
I think that if you given them a 4th chance and then they go silent, move on and dont look back. no point dwelling on ones like that. Just think you one person closer to being with the one(s) your meant to be with
So I first half met them in a coffee shop with my friend who said they was on the dating app and they cheekily sent them a message on my phone to try pair me up and that’s how I got on to chatting, but I was being very casual friendly, even asked first if they wanted to hang out which later on they asked me if it would be a date and I said if that’s what you’d like then sure…
Hence why it’s been a right mess in my head as why give all the lead on to wanting and then just ditch me each time. Surely they’ve not got a 5 second memory lol
Indeed this 4th time really felt like the last stretch to give any further efforts on them especially as they’ve repeatedly done the same thing and all in between I’ve caught moments of them being online the dating app even if for a few short minutes.
I totally went into a place I didn’t want to let myself go today and ended up turning a day what was meant to be with my friend forgetting about stuff eating cake in a cat cafe and then cinema, but actually kept blurting talk out then we went to spy and see if they was at work and then I tracked down the area of where they must live in town which funnily smelled of weed smoke so we both came to the conclusion that they might be a weedy smoker and could be why they’ve acted the way they have lol
So not proud of it but I kinda feel a little better inside my head
Yeah it definitely is on their part as I’ve put all my attentions in and even at one point I was questioning maybe I’m being too much but having reread the messages back and got a few of my friends to browse over them, I’ve done nothing more than what a normal adult would do when communicating to another.
Shame I’m not allowed to put some on here to get more of a feedback.
Really sad to hear you’ve been through the same similar things but also lovely to know you get it to!
Those have all been things I’ve thought of as excuses to why they might been acting the way they are but I guess sometimes we can’t give an excuse to someone who is just out right being a twit. Just wish I could get a genuine answer to their actions.
I also totally agree when it comes to cheating and abuse it never happens a second time with them.
Yeah, even if they’re not holistically a bad person, that’s pretty average behaviour to just ghost without contact. 1st time seemed ok, but not after that.
To be honest with you, those excuses seem really flimsy to me. I know life often gets in the way, but do you really think they forgot about a pre-planned family gathering, especially concerning a parent? That their phone only seems to play up when it’s regarding you? Also as you said, you can tell they’ve been visiting the dating site, so it’s obvious they had the time, and their phone/device was working, so they could easily have contacted you if they wanted to.
I think you know that you need to move on.
If it’s about cheating then one and only chance. First one then out. Trust broken once, leave a mark… break it and your out. Second chance leave strong sense of doubt.
Unfortunately we don’t always get answers. I still think of my ex but the way I see it now is that I’m much better without him. I know what he lost and I expect he does too, that’s what really matters. See this in the same way.
Keep your chin up and I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you you’ll find a good one soon
Yeah I gave them the benefit of doubt the first and even second time but those other two times was just awful and even now I’m kinda pissed as since they’ve stopped bothering and I’ve not messaged, they’ve been online loads
just means a lot to hear from you and thank you 
