I have had many sexual relationships but when I meet my wife she was still a virgin so she hasn't tried much. We have a good sex relationship but I like to try some toys and outfits just to spice it up a bit, but she not to sure about trying things out she says is it normal to use toys and that, I told her of course it is. I have never seen her masturabate at all I would love to see her masturabate in front of me, I masturabate in front of her. All she keeps on saying it's not normal and if she does do anything will it make her a slut. All I want to do is try and spice it up a bit so many advice would be great full.
Hi Dan1457. You are not alone, your question is one that pops up with alarming regulairty on these forums. What this means is that there is a wealth of information to be found within the search function.
My advice in these situations is one of attitude. You don't "get" a partner to do anything they don't want to do. Rather, you should take time to talk, discuss and understand why she feels like she does, and what you can do together to help her move past the barriers and become more open to some of the things you might like to explore.
Hi Dan1457. You are not alone, your question is one that pops up with alarming regulairty on these forums. What this means is that there is a wealth of information to be found within the search function.
My advice in these situations is one of attitude. You don't "get" a partner to do anything they don't want to do. Rather, you should take time to talk, discuss and understand why she feels like she does, and what you can do together to help her move past the barriers and become more open to some of the things you might like to explore.
+1...... Clearly if you try to 'make' her do something that she's not comfortable with its not going to work and you could easily put her off trying new things completely xx
Best thing to do is to talk to her. Tell her how you feel and what you might like her to try and suggest lovehoney to her and go through the site together and what toys you might like and listen to what she has to say and what she feels comfortable in doing.
You could show her this site, and the forums? (Although perhaps not this one!!) and try to instigate an open conversation. The main thing is that she's relaxed and not feeling under pressure. Good luck!
Communication is key. As Sub has said you can't GET her to do anything. As for wanting her to master ate in front of you that may be a hard limit for her. It is for me, it's not something I am comfortable with and you can't press her in to it.
Talk to her, explain your interests. Keep it out of the bedroom. She may surprise you.
All she keeps on saying it's not normal and if she does do anything will it make her a slut.
To me this is the most important bit. Have you asked her why she feels this way? IMO without moving on from that mindset even if she does try something, there's the rush she won't feel comfortable with it afterwards and start chastising herself for it.
You could show her this site, and the forums? (Although perhaps not this one!!) and try to instigate an open conversation. The main thing is that she's relaxed and not feeling under pressure. Good luck!
Fully agree with sexybabe, get her to read some of the items on the forums, so that she can see what we all get up to. Then she might see that see that she is not a slut for trying new things. Of course cummunication is the key.
It is absolutely normal, i am baffled how she thinks introducing sexual aids in the bedroom with her husband would make her a ''slut''. My definition of a slut is sleeping with several men without a single thought etc.
Perhaps bring her on to this site, assuming she cannot and will not discuss this topic with her friends (guessing out of fear of embarrasment etc) and let her see that it isnt dirty. Try turn her thinking into toys being sexual aids as opposed to objects that only 'sluts' use. Try and highlight to her that you want to make her feel much more during sex and how great she can feel with toys.
You two most definitely, first and foremost must talk about it. Dont let it turn into an argument, sex toys aren't designed specifically and soley just for sluts and whores. They are sexual aids, to aid you sexually in the bedroom. And thats OK.
My advice is to give her a pamper evening. A little bit of roll play on your behalf.
Plan and be thought full. Get in touch with your feminine side. I'd as ask all the wonderful women wich things I describe are good or not and maybe some things to add.
Set a date in your diary. You need some time alone before she comes home. Evening is best.
Prep is essential
Her favourite meal, a nice desert, good chocolate is a stimulant and a coffee. Your them is to be her everything. Chef , host, butler and masseuse.
When she comes home take her coat be very polite maybe call her Madame or even Mistress.
Flowers are a must. and a few romantic chocolates. Dress casual but smart. Light but romantic back ground music. Scented candles burning.
Remember it's about her talk about her tell her that the evening is you showing her how much you appreciate and want her.
After the meal. Run her a bath scented bath lotion a little baby oil too. Candles around the bath not to hot. A sponge and bath crime. Flower petals up the stairs into the bathroom and bedroom. Scented candles in the bedroom too. Warm the towels you will need 3 big ones.
If she will let you undress her then do it in the bathroom. Get her into the bath then slowly soap her down as she is standing. Don't rush to the nice bits . Arms legs and back first. You strip down to just your briefs. Let her soak for a bit , maybe with a drink baileys and a few chops. Whilst you prep the bedroom
One towel rolled to make a pillow another layer out for her to lie on. Make sure the room is warm but dimly lit by only candles. If she has body confidence issues this will help her relax.
Get her to step out of the bath rap her in a warm towel but only pat dry don't remove all the oily water. Get her to lie face down on the bed towels covering her body with the one she had on.
This is where Lovehoney comes in. Massage oil and lube. Select only 2 toys a bullet / small clit vibe and a small vaginal vibes no more than 6 inches. Size does matter when introducing women to the idea of toys . Small not to loud or ugly / cumbersome looking . Pink is a neutral colour to start with.
Make sure the massage oils are warm and don't get the toys out to start with . massage her back and shoulders with oil and your hands. Take your time. If you get an erection it's fine don't hide it let her see her body turns you on. After 5/10 minutes roll the lower part of the towel up Now massage her legs. Then get the big vibe out and run it up and down her back , neck shoulders and legs. Let her get used to the vibes.
Massage her chest not breasts , torso. Then legs. Keeping the towel over her groin.
Spend time on her feet especially firmly on the pad. This will relax her. Then massage her breasts then reintroduce the vibe . Then remove the towel turn her back over. Massage her buttock gradually encourage to part her legs.
More oil to her vulva massage it if she is wet already then no need for lube .
Run the big vibe over her buttocks slowly You should see her buttocks tighten and her grind her hips maybe a sigh too. Don't enter her yet get her to roll onto he back more of the same. Now ease it in. Then the bullet on to her clit gentle.
Introducing toys yourself is the best idea but slowly and considerately.
Wow all I can say is thank you all so much for your advice wasn't expecting this reaction. Maybe I will talk to her and show her this website and see that it's all normal. I will have to try what gentle giant said.
keep reassuring her that it's because you love her so much, you want her to experience maximum pleasure and to make your relationship even stronger and more intimate. reassure her that's she just perfect as she is, you don't want to chage her, but to provide her with even more experiences so that she knows what is fr her, and what isn't. it's a life long journey you're on together and there's no rush.
lol i gotta laugh at the flower petals but the room being nice and wam is a def for me otherwise i just want to huddle up under the covers not expose myself!!!! but maybe some provocotive but not too revealing underwear from LH might make her feel more confident in the bedroom? itsamasing how much what u are wearing if u look at urself in the mirror can change ur outlook !!!
I have had many sexual relationships but when I meet my wife she was still a virgin so she hasn't tried much. We have a good sex relationship but I like to try some toys and outfits just to spice it up a bit, but she not to sure about trying things out she says is it normal to use toys and that, I told her of course it is. I have never seen her masturabate at all I would love to see her masturabate in front of me, I masturabate in front of her. All she keeps on saying it's not normal and if she does do anything will it make her a slut. All I want to do is try and spice it up a bit so many advice would be great full.
Aw bless her heart!
Sounds to me (correct me if I'm wrong!) that she is very unsure about your suggestions for spicing things up and if it's you thinking of you or actually the norm! As you said she has nothing to base anything sexually on, as you were her first.
This little lady needs lots of reassurance and encouragement on what she'd feel comfortable trying. Don't pressure her, ask her! Get her juices flowing and her mind interested first. Ensure her it's her choice and on her terms of what she'd enjoy exploring/experimenting!
Show her realistic sites and real comments from real people like here.
If your sex life is already good, I bet she's a little tiger waiting to explore!
Its all about the approach and communication, good luck x
Good evening all thank you all so much for your advice, weekend just gone I treated her like a princess made her a lovely meal, run her a bath just like gentle giant said, we had a good chat and she put on some sexy undies and we tried a little bullet on her clit and she loved it, I didn't want to push her into anything she didn't want to do but she seems a lot more relaxed now but she said she not ready to try a toy just yet. So I will just take it slow and let her decide when she ready to try. But it went really well for the first time at trying.
Thank you all again for advice really nice to hear what you all think about it
If you do buy a toy at some point don't forget to buy lube.
Materials like silicone can feel draggy no matter how turned on the lady is, and from personal experience it's a real turn off. So lube is an essential in my opinion 😊