No way would I post a pic of my bare boobs but still.
be excited that she has an interest in sex. instead of confronting her, you should congratulate her. help her take more photos, be involved, and enjoy it together. tell her you find it arousing looking at her photos, the same as those online do
pinkanimal wrote:
So what does that make me then? For putting a picture on here before showing my hubby?
thats up to you and your hubby you take women off his FB because you don't trust him after what he did... he was savy enough to do that and what would have happened had you not caught him??
you also said you were going to show your hubby are you hiding your account from him?? like she is her tumblr??? or could your hubby if he likes look??
I am saying what I am saying from the point of view of a cheater.... my OH questioned me as your all advising SS to do and it wasn't hard to lie my way out of it....
Hi Guys,
It's great we have a place to ask for advice about these kind of things. Obviously it's a sensitive topic, so if everyone could try to remember that we'd appreciate it.
It's no-one's place to comment or judge anyone else based on what they choose to share with others online or their partner. Nor is it very nice to suggest someone's partner is being unfaithful/inappropriate without having real knowledge of the people or situation. I'd like to request we keep this to advice only. :-)
Seaside Secret - I would agree that you should have a chat wth her. Not 'confront' her, but mention you couldn't help but see something and you love her so want to support her, and that you feel a little hurt having been left out of this. I'm sure it will all be fine, communication is the key to a great relationship.
Lucy x
Any relationship that has secrets of any kind is a bad one. Anyone that keeps secret accounts from their partners is not in a trustworthy relationship. Anyone that has to check partners accounts is not in a trustworthy relationship. Anyone who posts pictures of ANY kind without their partners knowledge is in an untrustworthy relationship.
If you come under any of these categories you need to sit down and communicate with your partner and discuss your issues and try and move on with your lives without these silly little games.
As far as I'm concerned, if your relationship lacks trust it's just the beginning of the end of that relationship, and you should do anything in your power to get that relationship fixed before it gets any worse.
I wouldn't dream of uploading pictures of my boobs or any explicit pictures without my husbands approval. It's just common courtesy, and if you don't respect your partner enough to tell them, then unfortunately there is some ring wrong with your relationship. It's as simple as that.
Also +1 on what MrsMcx has said 1 million times true. Couldn't of said it better myself.
You definitely need to talk to your wife about this. From what you say this is completely out of character for her, she could be feeling down or struggling with her self esteem and looking for validation of her worth. You've got a young baby too so it's not uncommon for mothers to feel that way shortly after birth.
I wouldn't automatically assume she's cheating. She's lied and hid things from you, so cheating is possible, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion without first speaking to her and trying to help.
I mostly agree with Mrs, with just a few minor exceptions.
The Mr knows I post here. He didn't know I started a blog. It's not that I want to hide it from him, I just didn't think he'd be interested so I didn't tell him. He of course found it and said he enjoyed reading it, so no harm, no foul.
Whilst there aren't many things that I don't tell my husband, in some respects I am entitled to my own privacy as well, the same way he's entitled to his. But we trust each other completely, so it's not really a problem.
I would speak to her, if you don’t it’s only going to eat you up inside. Don’t go in with all guns blazing though – stay calm throughout the conversation, otherwise you will only be met with retaliation and that won’t help you or you’re partner. x
I think this is more likely a reason When we have our kids.... We turn from a sexy woman.... Into mum....with all that goes with it. Hormones... Low self esteem... Aching boobs( if you are boob feeding).., Body is all out of shape... Exhausted , and these all make you feel like crap. In this day and age of internet access and phones, access to places to " "escape" the role of mum are instant. This is probably her way of trying to reassure she still has it. Be extra loving, and share without adding any guilt. Make her feel sexier and lovedSlinkyRat wrote:
You definitely need to talk to your wife about this. From what you say this is completely out of character for her, she could be feeling down or struggling with her self esteem and looking for validation of her worth. You've got a young baby too so it's not uncommon for mothers to feel that way shortly after birth.
I wouldn't automatically assume she's cheating. She's lied and hid things from you, so cheating is possible, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion without first speaking to her and trying to help.
Maybe she likes the idea of an anonymous person admiring her boobs... maybe she likes looking at the other images shown on the posts... maybe she wants to watch porn etc... I would talk to her about posting pics in general online and turn ons... try and turn this into a positive experiance exploring both your sexualities...
Seaside Secret wrote:
our son is only 19 weeks old
Women who've just had babies do all sorts of strange things. Maybe this is her hard to explain moment of escape from being a sleep-deprieved flabby-bellied feeding machine whose hormones are out of whack.
Which is what naughy mum said while I was answering the phone. :-)
Cheap&Easy wrote:
I don't think it's fair to blame it on having a baby, in my opinion, it's a poor excuse.
I suffered a lot after having my daughter, the last thing on my mind was posting photos on the Internet for all to see.
If it's out of character, and she's hiding something, you need to find out. She might not be actively cheating but the thought is possibly there.
And PA, not a dig at you, but I think it's a bit bizzare how you moniter your hubby but post pics behind his back, it's a bit hypocritical to be honest. Again, not a dig, just my opinion.
+1 I have been trying to think of a way to word this myself... the last thing on my mind after having my babies was to post photos...
OP: It does not matter if she cheated or not (well it does, but bear with me....)...Deception is what hurts. When our partners lie and hide things, it sets off the train of mistrust because...why hide something? I understand Davids point, when he said he did not tell his partner about his blog, but that is because he did not think his partner would be interested. That is different from hiding something because you suspect your partner will be hurt by it. That is a deception and it hurts. Do not feel guilty or embarrassed by feeling upset.
Every relationship has different "terms" - what is okay and what is not and if your partner knows that you would be upset or angry about it, then it is a betrayal.
Anyway, as to why she did it, it could be numerous reasons, but the most obvious one is the one you came to yourself - for attention. As to why she feels the need for that attention, it could be anything from insecurity, wanting a confidence boost, enjoying the thrill of it ....right up to feeling disallusioned in the relationship. I am guessing she fits one of the first 3, because you describe a happy relationship aside from this issue.
Of course, it is not right that she went behind your back and did this, but whatever the draw was, it was clearly strong enough to risk hurting you and so you need to find out what the urge was. Is she feeling unappreciated or unsexy? Is she seeking new thrills? etc. People change as we grow. We discover new things we really want to try and drop things that used to turn us on but don't anymore.
The betrayal is not okay and you should of course speak to her and tell her how she made you feel. You should also ask her to be honest what her motivation is and see if you can resolve it together. I have a sneaky suspicion that you know your lady best and may have hit the nail on the head that she simply got a huge adrenaline rush and a thrill from anonymously showing a part of her and getting lots of nice feedback. As you described her, she sounds similar to lots of females, where we don't believe our partner when he says we are damn sexy! The irony is, the compliments from strangers only boost our confidence for a microsecond because we start thinking things like "Well, maybe you think my boobs are nice, but you havent seen my awful arse" etc lol The truth is this....no man can really give a woman true confidence in herself if she is not able to see it herself. It has to come from her, she has to believe it.
Is she is seeking an adrenaline rush, something new, some attention or something similar, then maybe you can find ways to introduce new ideas together and play together. If you can make her understand this betrayal is not acceptable but you are willing to listen to what it is she really wants (without either of you getting defensive) then she should feel more confident telling you her desires in future.
No one wants to admit they are in need of a little attention, a little spice, because it could upset their partner. In long term relationships we lose that adrenaline rush, that spark that comes with something new and we settle into a deeper love and intimacy. It is fantastic, but it is also different and most people at some point will miss that fiery spark of newness and passion. Most of us resist chasing it because we love our partner and don't want to hurt them. For others, the thrill is too strong.
I hope you can work on it together and keep that trust you have now. Relationships without trust, imo, are just a downhill battle and trust is one of the hardest things to build and one of the easiest to shatter with a silly mistake. If she has not done anything like this before, I personally would forgive, but not until she understood how it affected me and how I felt....and not before she told me what it was she needed and how I could give it, if I could at all...
I think relationships are a sacrifice to some extent, because the truth is that one person cannot give you everything you need. They might give you a lot, but not everything. It is a hell of a pressure to ask one person to give you everything and be your everything. Imagine being bisexual, or having kinks that your partner has no interest in. It might be that your lady has a secret fetish for voyeurism (or whatever the opposite is...where you enjoy the attention from others) It would be impossible for you to give her that thrill by yourself, or in the same way as a total stranger.
Not that it is right for her to go ahead and act on her fantasies or desires that hurt you. I'm just saying that these are things you might want to discuss and discover, to see if you guys can find a solution that makes you both happy.
I am extremely exhausted right now, so hope that ramble made sense. zzzzz
Thank you to everyone that has commented on this. Everyone has a valid point to make and thank you for the various views. I asked her about it outright explained what I know and what I thought and she came completely clean.
Because I've been buying bondage and bdsm gear she started using Tumblr as a way to get ideas on bondage and positions etc. I asked about the topless picture and she explained she got carried away with the anon aspect and didn't think it wouldn't cause any harm as she is completely made up on it. It wasn't including her face so it could have been anyone. She did say she liked the nice comments as well but understands she completely overstepped the mark.
Anyway, we had a massive chat about the whole thing and she cried at the fact she had hurt me. I suggested having the Tumblr account together so we can both contribute and post pictures of us if that's how something she would like to get into.
She was so upset but said she didn't know how to approach the fact she had Tumblr as she thought it not something I would be into.
All sorted though we are back to how things should be. 😊
I'm glad you were able to talk and sort everything!
That's great news. Good communication is like the backbone of life I swear...
Happy you sorted everything! =D
Great news :) best of luck
Glad your sorted well done to both of you,.