So as some of you know I split with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago, after 10 months together, splitting up twice in that time, my instigation.
There were a few problems, mainly with him and his lack of respect in one way or another, almost always sexually related. Although he can't see this himself.
Anyway when we split up we already had 2 weekends planned, this coming weekend and 2 weeks after, when it's my birthday, and I know he's booked a weekend away for us.
When we first split up we talked about this and I agreed to still meeting for these 2 weekends, but now time has passed and I want to move on I really don't want to do this.
But how do I tell him? He's due to be here on Friday, I have made it very clear it's just as friends, but I still don't feel right about the whole thing, particularly as he seems heartbroken, and I'm worried he wants us to get back together. I have made it very clear we won't!
But also about the birthday weekend, he's booked it, and probably it'll cost for it to be cancelled. But I do realise that's no reason to go!
But really I'm feeling sick writing this, I'm just feeling uneasy, and I just want him out of my life. I don't want to honour these things I agreed to.
I just need some good and honest advice as I know you will all provide.
Thank you :)
You've broken up and you have to do what is best for you to move on. If I was you I would just tell him that you've been thinking about it and you have decided not to see him. You don't have to make an excuse or explain and it isn't up for debate. Keep your language firm e.g. "I won't be meeting you" rather than "I'd prefer if we didn't meet".
As for the birthday weekend, I'd suggest he either goes alone/with someone else or cancels. If you are in the financial position to offer to pay the deposit than that removes one of his objections. If you can't afford, you still don't have to go.
You need to look after yourself first and foremost.
I think sometimes you just have to say enoughs enough and tell your oh it's over full stop.
There's never really an easy way if a break up is one sided.
Meeting for weekends will only make matters worse x
Be upfront and be brave and just say no. You don't want to spend a weekend (or whatever it is) in a situation you don't want to be in.
Especially if he thinks this may lead to you both rekindling things again.
It's hard, and you're in a tough place post-break up.
You got to stick to your guns on this one I'm afraid.
Agree with above.... been in the position myself and went on one arranged night (was a gig) and made me realise the weekend NEEDED cancelled, although it was me who lost out money wise...
The other party always thinks there's a chance if you allow things to continue as if you weee a couple even if you think in your mind your just friends..
The best thing is not to go and just be honest and say you don't feel right go to either weekends and that your final decision and you won't be changing your mind.
I agree with previous statements. Be honest and be firm.
Best of luck.
Thank you everyone, I guess I just needed a little encouragement. I have let him know now to tell him.
I just hope he will get it tonight rather than the morning.
oh and 1 more thing...
imagine your best friend was in your shoes. What advice would you be giving them?
If you don't want a load of messages before bed Delilah you should wish he does get it tomorrow as then you can deal with the replies with a fresh mind not a tired one..
I got a message, He's desperate to meet me at the weekend. He know's its over he says.
Be strong. I have to be stong.
It's just emotional blackmail as has happened all along.
Yes, be strong. No means no. If you have said no to meeting, then it is best to stick with it. Good luck *hug*
I agree, be strong, you can do it! And also remember he'll be fine, don't fall for emotional tricks. It sounds like he's having trouble letting go so in the long term it'll be better for him too if he doesn't see you for these weekends.
Good luck and stay strong x
If he knows it's over, why is he so desperate to meet? Probably because he thinks he can change your mind face to face. You're doing the right thing by trying to move on and canceling these plans. Be firm, be strong and good luck x
Ooh delilah, I hope there weren't too many more messages and you got some sleep. As has been said emotional blackmail and is desperate to meet as he wants something to be still there.
Keep strong and don't meet, honestly it won't help him meeting you as it will give him hope..
Big hugs your way
Aw big hugs hun, definitely stay strong. It definitely doesn't sound like meeting up will do either of you any favours. I know it sounds horrid, but sometimesyou do ahve to be cruel to be kind as they say, and I think saying enough is enough, and just moving forward is more often than not the best course of action in these situations x
I had paid a deposit for a holiday when my ex broke up with me. Had to swallow the loss of the deposit. We tried being friends and to actually go on the holiday but there was no way it was going to work. Best to be up front as soon as. Even offer to pay the deposit but my guess he won't ask for any money.
If one wants to get back together but the other is 100% not wanting to it will be just like having a doting puppy dog by your side the entire holiday trying to break you into submission to love it again.
You really do have to be strong D. You know in your heart he is not right for you, and you are definitely doing the right thing by being honest. The emotional blackmail, and the lack of respect really do cement how he is not right for you. Stick to your guns, and stay strong for your own sake as well as his - listen to your intuition on this one lovely lady. Sending lots of hugs your way xxx
Just be honest, if you really want to be rid then going on weekends together isnt going to help. Be brave and bite the bullet im afraid.
Be honest and tell him straight hugs coming your way good luck xx