As some of you may already know my OH has been given a terminal diagnosis (5 years hopefully). The medication he takes completely prevents him from achieving an erection. As such penetrative sex is off the menu. He enjoys least ring me with toys, by hand etc, but I want to be able to give him some pleasure too.
We have cuddles and are intimate but I just don't know what would be pleasurable to him. We do talk but he is a bit sensative about this as we were a very sexually active couple untill his illness.
So suggestions please.
For example, is it pleasurable to have someone orally play with your flaccid penis? Is it p,easier able to have a person play with your testacles. I will try most things but I don't want it to be doing something he will find uncomfortable.
Anal is not an option, neither is pegging. He has a strict rule on this.
We are getting married in a few weeks so I would like to have some ideas to give my OH a fun wedding night.
You, my dear, are absolutely amazing. You know that right? Even through the dark times you focus on others and don't hide away. You astound me 😘 I don't have a penis so not sure what would work in that department. There's always massage, light bondage with feathery things, nipple play. They may be enjoyable.
you may find a wand vibrator and lots of lube can do the trick, stroking him up and down along the penis and if he likes it, eventually concentrating on the frenulum area with it, but start on a low setting or he may end up on the ceiling instead.
The wand is a good idea. There is a man wand too now. The other problem with impotence is the feeling that you can't please your partner. It is important that you enjoy "sex" with him too or the impotence will feel worse than not being able to get erect. Have you thought about penis pumps or asked his doctors about viagra?
Sorry, I got straight to it. I had meant to start with saying I was sorry to hear that. It is great that you are getting married. It must be hard for you too.
From my experience of intermittent ED I find the most important thing - far and away more important than my own orgasm - is to be able to give my wife an orgasm. Using a strapon is so like having completely normal sex that there I times when I quite forget that it's not me doing the penetrating.
The Spare Parts Deuce harness:- https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26580
is designed for male-bodied wearers though almost any two-strap harness works OK.
There is also a male-oriented vibrator -
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36916 that we have found works very well even when I'm flaccid.
Wow thanks everyone. I hadn't expected so many responses in a weekend.
He couldn't take viagra, as it increases blood pressure and that what most of his meds are reducing. As the left ventricular of his heart is almost no functioning now, it's important to keep BP down.
I do like the suggestion of the man wand, he might like it, and I hadn't spotted it before. We do have a couple of wands already, and he had claimed the doxy Diecast as his, with the hummer attachment. But the man wand looks like it would work better on a flaccid penis. So I might have to look at this.
We still have sensual massage but not bondage at the moment, he use to really enjoy dominating me and having very firm sex, which obviously we can't now, so I'm trying not to push things. It's a tricky balance between wanting to pleasure him and not make him feel useless or frustrated.
You guys are great, thanks
Have any of you men out there ever tried a wand or a hot octopus toy on your flaccid penis?
Im curiouse if it feels nice or is just frustrating, and might require an erect penis to enjoy the stimulation. Sorry if I'm being too graphic.
Youre being very brave and positive
Hope you find the answers and help you need
Dealing with terminal illness and a time scale is never easy
staying strong for each other I've found is the main thing and taking all the help from friends and relations also helps
Good luck with the wedding and any precious moments you can share.
Hi Dennice, thank you very much. Your brother does sound to be in a very similar situation, and he might be right. I love my OH and I too would be more than happy kissing cuddling and occasionally pleasuring myself in the shower. I'm much younger than my OH and I do think he wants to please me.
We do have little walks when OH is up to it, we try to go for a short walk most days to walk Mutley, although Mutley is very reluctant and wouldn't get out of the car yesterday.
We haven't attempted to have sex this year. OH has just been too unwell, and I'm fully accepting that my sex life is over, he seems to have accepted this too. My OH has never been an offectionate person in public, I'm much more touchy freely than him, but this has changed. He now readily puts his hand on me and instigates cuddles, which he wouldn't have done before.
Thank you very much, I'm very greatful for your information and viewpoint.
Thanks Paulsballs we are making happy memories as much as possible. Still hoping for a good time in Iceland next February.
Fun Louise, I am very sorry to hear about all of that. You are an amazing and very sweet person!!!
I don't have any personal experience, but one of my partners (male) has gone through long periods where he couldn't have sex with his wife because of her health problems. What worked for them was cuddling/ making out while describing what they would like to do. Both things they'd love to do to each other atm and fantasies that might be hard to experience irl even if they were physically able to. Basically, they were having sex on a psychological level.
Also, how about stimulating his nipples, ears, perineum.. you know, other erogenous parts? Giving him massages, stripping for him, have him watch while you are playing with yourself? Maybe watch porn together?
As Gyrator53 suggested, maybe he could use a strap-on on you. I love having my partner wear a strap-on to have sex with me while he's wearing a cock cage (even if he can get hard, he won't, plus it keeps his penis & balls out of the way).
I see you mention bondage play in your profile. Have you tried impact play? Being in subspace can be a highly erotic experience, even if it doesn't involve sex.
Hoping you'll find a way (or more!) that works for you. 
Fun Louise wrote:
Have any of you men out there ever tried a wand or a hot octopus toy on your flaccid penis?
Im curiouse if it feels nice or is just frustrating, and might require an erect penis to enjoy the stimulation. Sorry if I'm being too graphic.
Hi Louise - The Hot Octopuss certainly works very well even if one is flaccid. It gives a very powerful low-frequancy vibe to the frenulum which is the most sensitive part of the penis. It was actually developed out of some work done for men suffering spinal cord injuries. It's well work going to their website and looking up the "disability and therapeutic" page where this is discussed.
The duo has a second vibe and is designed to give pleasure to the partner if the Octopuss is used between you (my wife isn't much into vibes but it's apparently still pleasent even for her).
Thanks smultron and Gyrator54 I'm not sure how he feels about a strap on, and thanks for the info on the hot octopus, I will have a look and see.
Alicia your words are very kind thank you.
Im going to consider the octopus, but take onboard Dennice's advice and not push things. We might be better just leaving the physical sex thing. It was great fun while it lasted and I wouldn't want to spoil our very happy sexual memories with failed attempts frustration and upset. Thanks you all for your help.
Gyrator54 which hot octopus do you have? Is it this one https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=39119 or the more expensive £99 version?
Have you asked him? I assume everyone is different and her may prefer some activity or none but I wouldn't assume it. Taking the decision without him may emphasise his psychological impotence.
Fun Louise wrote:
Gyrator54 which hot octopus do you have? Is it this one https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=39119 or the more expensive £99 version?
Hi Louise We have the Pulse 3 Duo which is the most expensive one however, we often use it with only the main vibrator running so it's really only like the solo being used in that way. Do you think your OH would be happy to read this thread? It could be a way of getting him to think about what he would like to do. There are a few other threads dealing with ED issues (not all of them started by me!) That might also be a good starting point. I'll see if I can search them out later.
Gyrator53 wrote:
Fun Louise wrote:
Gyrator54 which hot octopus do you have? Is it this one https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=39119 or the more expensive £99 version?
Hi Louise We have the Pulse 3 Duo which is the most expensive one however, we often use it with only the main vibrator running so it's really only like the solo being used in that way. Do you think your OH would be happy to read this thread? It could be a way of getting him to think about what he would like to do. There are a few other threads dealing with ED issues (not all of them started by me!) That might also be a good starting point. I'll see if I can search them out later.
Honestly, no. He doesn't do online forums, he doesn't trust the other people on them, and I admit this is the only forum I'm on. He would also hate the idea that our sex life (or lack of it) being public knowledge and discussed freely. He thinks things like this should be personal, where as I'm a bit more practical and think it's a good way of getting suggestions and support. Thanks for the info.
Dennice wrote:
off topic l know Fun louise remember that toy you were wanting this one
https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=40101
in case you missed it it is reduced to only £15 thought you would love to know this grab it while you can huge reduction
xx
Thanks I had missed that, I will see what funds I have at payday. I do have a wedding to pay for next month. We are doing it small (minute) just the two of us and two friends as witnesses, then meal and a few drinks. But the ring alone is £880, the actual wedding £120, and gifts for witnesses £60, then meal and a few drinks. I'm looking at needing £1500. Which is more than I earn a month, and seen as OH is off work still, money is tight. If I'm honest I have plenty of toys so should save.
The ring is platinum which is why it's so expensive, but I intend to wear it for the rest of my life, and my engagement ring is platinum, so it's worth the investment.
Everyone is being really supportive and I'm very flattered, thanks.