Hey. Trying to convince the wife to start trying vibrators during sex. She has a medieval view that they wrong for some reason. Bought a rabbit few years ago n she hated it. I get that, she didn’t like something inside. Ones now for clit would give the most amazing orgasm, my girl friend has told me she was same but once tried it never looked back and she doesn’t know a girl without one these days… Anyone bin in this situation or feel the same bout them?
I didn’t really know about sex toys or even how/where to buy them until I was in my early thirties… My husband was anti-toys at first, and it was hard to talk about because he’s shy to talk about sexual things, so I just (kindly and gently) wore him down by talking about the things I read online about sex toys. I browsed on Lovehoney a ton and would tell him what I thought about different toys and would read parts of reviews out loud if I thought it would make him curious. Now we both have quite a few toys, and I use a clit vibrator just about every day (and love them)
If you do a quick search, there are a bunch of threads about introducing toys and new types of play that could give you some tips. This Lovehoney blog post could be helpful as well!
This was a good point at the end:
Ultimately, if they decide that sex toys aren’t for them, you need to respect that it just might not be for them right now. That’s not to say they may not reconsider in the future. Give them all the information you can about why you think it would be fun, plant the seed for future conversations, and leave the rest to them.
Hope you guys are able to have a good conversation about it
Maybe before having a conversation with your wife, you need to have a conversation with yourself. Calling her views “medieval” just because you don’t agree with them is pretty crappy. There are plenty of people out there who aren’t into toys at all or who would rather not used them during partnered sex. Everyone has the right to make their own choices, it’s called consent. Maybe a vibrator would give her better orgasms, but if she is happy with the orgasms/pleasure she is having, then that’s up to her.
Do you actually know what gives your wife the best orgasms or are you just guessing because you’ve seen somewhere that vibrators are great? Not all women are the same, vibration may not do much for her.
My wife wasn’t too keen either - it had been somewhat discussed, but she wasn’t particularly interested.
One day, during piv, i had a small bullet we had onwed for ever but not used, and i decided to try it. Worst case scenario, if she didn’t enjoy it, off it would go.
But she did enjoy it, quite a lot indeed!!!
She still isn’t keen on dildos, but she’s now very open to vibrating devices, so long as they arent too strong (so our doxy #3 wand stays in its box sadly). So long as it’s me inside her pussy, she is happy, though we have had very occasional great fun with the glass beaded dildo - she needs to be in the right mood for that though.
For us, it’s been about me making the 1st move with something non threatening. Rabbits are quite different, they big, quite noisy, and replace you if you will. A bullet can be used during PIV, and their size doesn’t strike fear.
You should probably have a conversation with her. Don’t just randomly buy her toys. Maybe having a conversation will help and she will be willing to shop with you. I feel like it’s best to shop WITH your partner rather than surprising them with something they won’t like. She may also just not like toys and that’s ok too. If she is happy with how things are, don’t force her since she can’t consent if your force her into something. Even if she says yes but you force her, that’s still not consensual in my book. Revaluate yourself and have a talk with your partner. That’s the best thing to do. And please stop calling her views “medieval”. It’s very uncomfortable for me and probably others too.
Yup - my partner refuses to masturabte and only does so if we are away for months, she could literally hold out for years if she wanted to - refused to take a vibrator with her in case someone found it. That being said I Introduced a vibrator and she loves it but only likes the vibrating ears on her clitoris - never inside. Quite common I think to gain more pleasure not he outside isn’t it. And its frustrating because sexually we are at different levels of exploration - do you find that?
My wife loves her vibrator but is always embarrassed to admit it and the fact she likes to masturbate also. She’s had a vibrator since she was 18 and has tried various including rabbits, bullets and others but all she really uses now is her Hitachi Wand. She was not even sure about getting a wand to start with but she admitted it makes her orgasm like crazy and she uses it most days now.
Completely fair point, medieval was very poor word use. I love her n of course dont pressure anything. Sorry for sounding obnoxious. She has good orgasms from penetration, they are way better when I’m rubbing her clit, I want to make them better for her
Thank you very much, exactly feedback I was looking for. Honest n straight up. My reply to calie applies here too, poor choice of words. Appreciate the advice very much n please don’t think I did but sorry if I did offend
Exactly, she could go months without it, jus doesn’t seem to have the same needs. I know we all different. Like you sa,different stages of exploration. Thanks for the feedback
Another thing- don’t answer this but just something to consider - are there any religious or negative sexual encounters prior to yourself? That may explain it a bit more??
My wife has recently suggested experimenting with toys. I have a reasonably small penis and varying positions is near impossible.
I’ve suggested a penis extender and a vibrator of some sort. She likes the idea of this. She wants me to surprise her, any suggestions as I don’t know where to start!
Hi @jeff.mpp Welcome to the forum Have you tried any toys before? If so, what do you have?
I would recommend a bullet vibrator if you haven’t tried one before. As for penis extenders, I’m afraid I don’t have any experience. I would suggest going for one of the smaller ones unless she has used larger toys before. Going straight to a long, girthy one might be uncomfortable for someone who hasn’t used toys of that size before. There was a recent thread here about extenders which might have some useful info although I think it was mainly about the larger options but it might still be worth a read.
If you don’t get many replys on here you might like to start your own “introduce yourself” thread and put this question on there too. You’ll also get a warm lovehoney welcome from everyone else too! Click on the “New topic” button at the top. Select “introduce yourself” from the drop down list of categories and say hello to everyone!
Hi @Kitty-Cat01 @jeff.mpp - my wife loves it when I wear a vibrating cock ring. Ours is rechargeable and isn’t too expensive. Makes me a little bit harder and also feels good for me. She gets awesome Clitoral stimulation from it.
The other thread about Penis extenders was mine, I’ll be using mine with her next week so will update my post to see how it goes. I purchased a large headed one as it was on sale.
If it proves to be too big but she wants to try with another one then I’ll go for smaller head version like the Lovehoney mega mighty plus 2 inches.
Lovehoney also do a plus 1 inch and a plus 1.5 inch which could be a good starting point.
We / my wife sometimes wears a medium butt plug which gives her the feeling a bit like double penetration when we have sex. She feels a little bit tighter for me / I can feel the plug so that might be handy for you… Good luck.
Thanks, we haven’t tried any toys before. I’ll start a new thread as suggested
Welcome, @jeff.mpp! I highly recommend the Mega-Mighty 2 Extra Inches for use both to try positions without a risk of slipping out, and also pairing with a vibrator or other toys as it helps to dull my sensation a little bit against the vibes.
My wife’s absolute favorite toy is the Womanizer Pro40. It’s a different kind of “vibrator” and can take a minute to perfectly figure out how to use perfectly, but it’s very unique.
Other folks will certainly have recommendations for powerful Wand vibes, or a Bullet is very popular in partnered sex. I found the Romp Beat to be a very enjoyable vibe for the price and works well during PIV.
Has anyone had a mental apprehensive against them but bin physically changed straight away?