I'm in a relationship but sexually it doesn't fulfill me. (Selfish I know). O. H is a wonderful kind caring man.
My partner is more than happy with our sex life.
An ex got in touch and what he says turns me on. He always had a way with words. I know
its only sex. It was before there is no future.
If I chat online sexually am I cheating? Deep down I know the answer but crave the sex. Is this so wrong?
Unless your partner knows about it, I would say yes. But that's just my opinion x
As you say my love, deep down you know the answer. Is it cheating? It depends on your relationship. A while back my husband was messaging a colleague. Was it cheating as he didn't physically do anything? To me it was. It's the lies, the secrets, the breaking of trust. Acting out fantasy with others instead of opening up and just saying "hey let's try this" or "I like this". He broke our trust, he stained our relationship by hiding it.
I personally think contact with exes is difficult. They are an ex for a reason and the new love often compares themselves to the past lovers. It's a super sting.
Just have a think, have a chat with your OH, say you would like a bit more action and try compromise.
Good luck.
Yes it's cheating.
Getting turned on and talking sexually with your ex when your partner doesn't know isn't right. But deep down you know that.
Really you need to make the choice if you want to be in the relationship you're in or walk away.
It's not easy but it's the right thing to do.
+1 Delilah :)
And if you want to do degrees of cheating, it is something that happens with another without your partners consent and that's bad. It doubles when the other is an ex.. Why because something of yourself has been there before and its like something of yourself is still "invested" in the ex.
Please stop now if you want a future with your SO
I know you are right. I just wanted someone to justify it. I already feel awful. And I know it can't continue.
I'll talk to O. H again about our sex life. But as we've already discussed it and nothings changed maybe it is what it is.
Thank you all.
X
Yes and I fear your behaviour will bite you on the arse in time. What you've got to ask yourself is how would you feel if your other half was doing the same with an ex? Would it be cheating? Would you feel hurt?
Yes it is cheating. And being cheated on is the most painful thing an adult has to go through 😢
Without your partners consent it is a form of cheating. But I think you know that already .
I don't know what your partner's boundaries are, but unless they've expressed that it's fine for you to do then yes, it's cheating. I would be very very hurt if I discovered my partner talking sexually with someone else, especially if it was with an ex.
Short answer - Yes
Long answer - It all depends on what relationship boundaries are set for you as a couple. So if it an open style relationship and all parties are aware then it is not. That is an agreement in your relationships.
However, if this is done in a deceitful, behind closed doors, keep it secret way then it is a betrayal.
There are many factors in this situation.
One is you do not feel fulfilled so this needs to be addressed with your OH. It does not matter that he is OK with the sex life, the simple fact is you are not and it has led to the next issue...
You are seeking that elsewhere. Maybe this sexual fantasy can be moved into your own dynamics with your OH. Dirty talk, toys used as a threesome scenario, watching porn as a couple.
It may help to look at this sex chat and take a positive, like what sort of things are you discussing with your ex. Is it something you could include in your relationship.
The other issue is, it is your ex. This may be deeply hurtful to your OH. Also, I believe that exes are an ex for a reason and maybe should be left in the past.
This is just my opinion as someone that has been on the receiving end. Once again he was not fulfilled but instead of telling me he decided to text someone else from his past. So I may seem a little harsh in my answers but honestly, it needs to be addressed before you lose something you may not want to lose.
delilahxx wrote:
Yes it's cheating.
Getting turned on and talking sexually with your ex when your partner doesn't know isn't right. But deep down you know that.
Really you need to make the choice if you want to be in the relationship you're in or walk away.
It's not easy but it's the right thing to do.
+1 xx
I agree with everyone, it is a yes for me. You're sharing intimate and sexual feelings with someone.
Maybe you need to talk to your OH more, be more open with how you feel?
I also noticed in your bio you say you won't share your man. Would this include sexting for you?
Lovehoney - Leanne wrote:
Short answer - Yes
Long answer - It all depends on what relationship boundaries are set for you as a couple. So if it an open style relationship and all parties are aware then it is not. That is an agreement in your relationships.
However, if this is done in a deceitful, behind closed doors, keep it secret way then it is a betrayal.
There are many factors in this situation.
One is you do not fill fulfilled so this needs to be addressed with your OH. It does not matter that he is OK with the sex life, the simple fact is you are not and it has led to the next issue...
You are seeking that elsewhere. Maybe this sexual fantasy can be moved into your own dynamics with your OH. Dirty talk, toys used as a threesome scenario, watching porn as a couple.
It may help to look at this sex chat and take a positive, like what sort of things are you discussing with your ex. Is it something you could include in your relationship.
The other issue is, it is your ex. This may be deeply hurtful to your OH. Also, I believe that exes are an ex for a reason and maybe should be left in the past.
This is just my opinion as someone that has been on the receiving end. Once again he was not fulfilled but instead of telling me he decided to text someone else from his past. So I may seem a little harsh in my answers but honestly, it needs to be addressed before you lose something you may not want to lose.
+1 
If I was momogomous I'd be hurt by the secrets and lies. It would break my trust.
Thank you.
Its only happened once and won't be happening again.
Its the first time I've ever been tempted and would love to blame the booze. But I can't. (We only split due to distance)
He's been told and blocked. I will talk to O. H this weekend again. Hopefully things will change.
And No I wouldn't stand for a man to do it to me.
I also have to accept that if things don't change. This probably isn't the relationship for me.
Thank you all again x
Hope all goes well xx
If it involes a lie, it's cheating (in my opinion).
As you've said, you know the answer to your question really.
Libido and attraction starts in the mind so, although you know there is no future with your ex, by flirting with him or having cyver sex with someone other than your partner, you're stregnthening the pathways in your brain which say you have to go outside of your relationship to find sexual gratification, instead of the ones which could help you get what you want from the relationship you're already in. This is how "real" cheating ends up coming about. The more you "get away" with it, the more safe and attractive it will seem, the more likely you'll be to physically cheat in future. Plus, it's very easy to get hooked on something which makes us feel good and this often comes at the detriment of other peoples' feelings.
Also, by veering down the cyber sex route, you're not really dealing with the issue you have in your existing relationship. You're sort of making a "quick fix" which in the long term, is not going to serve you or your other half well.
You owe it to yourself and your partner to be completely honest with him and explain that you need more from your sex life. Hopefully, through that conversation you can find a compromise. Whether that's that you'll try something new together in the bedroom, make time for more sex, or that he would give you persmission to have cyber sex or even meet someone. As it would be all in the open, you wouldn't be cheating.
Alternatively, it could be that you're not sexually compatible and you need to separate and find someone who more closely matches your sex drive. I would suggest that being the last resort though, particularly if you are happy in all other aspects of your relationship.
Good luck
delilahxx wrote:
Yes it's cheating.
Getting turned on and talking sexually with your ex when your partner doesn't know isn't right. But deep down you know that.
Really you need to make the choice if you want to be in the relationship you're in or walk away.
It's not easy but it's the right thing to do.
+1