I hope this is okay to pop in here,
Ive been with my partner for 6years, we have been having issues i would personally say for the last 3 at least.
We use to be very sexually active, close, and slowly has fizzled out. I have brought up how i feel many times and in a way i feel neglected, unwanted and unloved.
I know nobody has made me feel like this before so im hanging on to hope to get the old us back but now im thinking is love enough to stay?
Has anyone else been in this position? Did anything help? I miss the intimacy the most and have tried relighting that spark but i get im tired etc.
@MasterOfSexToys “is love enough?” Great question that sadly only you can answer.
There is a lovely older gentleman on here who is in a sexless marriage (wife’s ill health) he adores her and isn’t going anywhere. I guarantee he would answer yes.
I was once in a rather dysfunctional relationship with a man I very much loved. He loved me too but we weren’t good for eachother and brought the worst out in eachother. In that case no love was not enough.
What i am trying to say is every relationship is different, only you can answer this question in my opinion.
Ive stayed so long as its not toxic and i dont feel like i could ever have what we had with anyone else, however i feel unhappy that its turned like this and there no reason why.
A very interesting question @MasterOfSexToys love can be enough. Life in general can get in the way of many things, work, stress, children, elderly parents, financial worries and many more things can all play there part. All of these need to be discussed and communication is the key and each need to understand the others needs. As @Mrs.John has said some are very happy. Good luck
I know exactly how you feel and have also tried to talk.
I get that she does love me and wants to get back that intimacy but she shows no interest.
Since her daughter and mother died I have felt less and less a partner and more of a servant.
Around the time it happened my dad passed but i dont feel i changed, i feel maybe i started to push away when i felt neglected.
I talk alot, im as soon as i feel i way i need to get feeling out there else it niggles at me. I had this conversation with him so many times but it hurts that i feel he hasnt made it feel better or get better.
Ive stayed so long as i love so hard but i dont know if i can settle anylonger for lack of loving kisses quick before he goes to sleep.
Me and hubby have had a few dry spells (droughts) due to life and children, and stayed happy together, so love was enough.
Personally, if there is a reason for no sex (circumstances, illness, disability, trauma etc) and everything else is fine then I would sort myself out and love would be enough. But i would still want intimacy with cwtches, kisses, handholding etc.
Are they still generally intimate in these ways with you without having sex?
Not really it is all one way.
We have her grandchildren and I do all the cooking, shopping etc but there’s just no spark from her
Our longest dry spell was 9months, i sorted myself out but never felt as good as the real deal.
No we have a busy life and he is a night and day shifter so very sporadic and changes every month. We have no illness etc so nothing that would change, i did loose my dad but we still was somewhat having sex.
We dont hold hands in public, there is only quick kisses goodnight and i mean quick kisses. Nothing feels meaningful.
Its very hard when you feel a way isnt it?
Yes feels like she is keeping me for what I provide not for being me
From personal experience on two relationship I have to say unfortunately no for very different reasons,
The first, I had a fairly long distance relationship (70miles) which at first actually worked really well, we loved each other massively, she was absolutely beautiful and stole my heart the moment I saw her, we were young, we had a great sexlife, we got on really well and had a great relationship, we even got engaged, we saw each other every weekend but thats were the problem started, the commitment to travel and meet up was all one way, I always had to do the travelling and pay to run the car so we could see each other, it might seem petty but after 3 years of driving 140 miles a weekend without her ever offering to come to mine I’d had enough and made the heart breaking decision to end the relationship, I had hoped it might make her commit more but thanks to her parents they were adamant I had someone else back home and that was why I was ending it, she went their way which broke my heart even more. Still not sure if it was the right thing to do as I loved her so much but I knew I had to do something for my own sanity.
The second was someone I met at a night club, we hit it off straight away and I slept with on that night, we saw each other for around a year, we had so much in common and got on really well, our sexlife was mental and so intense and after I short while I really fell in love but we argued, boy did we argue about anything and everything, we both knew that even though the sex was what we wanted, we understood each other really well and we loved each other but there was no way our relationship was ever gonna survive the arguments, it was definitely a clash of personalities, it was upsetting when we decided to split, not heart breaking like the first, but we knew it was the right thing to do for our own sanities and health, sometimes that is a lot more important than the love.
we dont argue, we dont fight we always had been fine till it fizzled out. Its getting it back that i dont know if i can keep trying.
I want sex just to feel close and wanted and its heartbreaking
Have you discussed your “needs” with the OH if so what was said ? i guess ultimately only you can answer your own question !
yes i have and he says he wants to however is tired
yes i have and he says he wants to however is tired
Just a thought on that - if he genuinely feels that way perhaps there could be something medical underlying - if he really means it, could he speak with a doctor to see if there is anything causing excessive fatigue/ tiredness
he has a not so great shift pattern multiple 12hr nights and days in a row
Yeah I know it’s difficult, I hope you wasn’t thinking I was saying you argue or fight, It was just to point out from my own experience that even with the most love in a relationship thats just not enough and you have to take stock, whilst looking at the past is always what you want especially if it was great you need to look at how you are in the moment and think about the future, if you think you can make the future what you want and it’s worth fighting for then it’s worth it, if you think you can’t see anything to say your life will be what you want and you’ll be happy despite no matter how much you love them then you’ve got to decide thats what you want. It’s a hard decision to make and as much advice we can give it’s only you who can decide. For me the first I will never know if I made the right decision, the second was undoubtedly the right decision but now I’m in a 25 year marriage, 2 kids and very happy, I have my vices which are much discussed on here, but I very much love my OH and I’m very happy, so in a way I did make the right decisions. XxX
Hmm that’s tough. His shifts sound like a nightmare.
I feel like I’ve been in a similar place to your OH from an intimacy perspective. I know my husband probably felt as frustrated as you have described.
At the time, it didn’t matter what he did - if he was angry, upset, or romanced me like when we met - it was about me. Until he is ready to address his own issues you are to some extent helpless.
In my case, I hadn’t realised how stuck in my own comfortable married bubble I was until something terrible happened in my family. Losing someone made me reassess what was important in my life, and the things I took for granted.
My husband happiness, in all aspects of our life, esp. sex life suddenly was back on my radar in a big way. Taking the first step towards improving our intimacy was scary but as soon as I did it, it was like someone lit a fire that has not gone out!
I hope you get there but if you can’t you need to weigh up if the relationship is worth it without the sex life you would want.
of course not. Im happy it worked out for you in the end