We have fun. My wife is Vanilla but very much enjoys making me happy. At first it was intimidating using toys and she was worried I was replacing her with toys. Then gradually we have incorporated as part of our play.
A few years back as we were about to have kids we had a serious of conversations where we talked about what we desired out of sex, what were some fun things we wanted to try out, etc. We resolved to advocate for our own sexualities and to support each other’s creativity and interests. She’s still very vanilla, but through those conversations we learned she likes massage, making me feel happy, limited toys, cuddles, etc where as I like to incorporate more aspects of BDSM style play. We have found many different sex board games as a happy medium. We have learned to have frank conversations of sex throughout the day. Its been great, although it took some awkward conversations and dealing with out insecurities about sex and growing together.
I am extremely kinky but my wife was quite vanilla and very shy due to her upbringing.I introduced her very slowly and gently to new things breaking down her inhibitions slow but sure.Now she is quite adventerous and extremely grateful for her new found sexuality and my patience in enhancing her enjoyment sexually.
Update:
Things between my OH and I have gotten much for adventurous. I think after time and exploration my OH has become more open and willing to try new things. Love that we have grown sexually together.
I am the other side, I’m very kinky but OH is very vanilla. I have managed to get her to try things when younger,ie water sports, me wearing her lingerie, but as she gets older she gets even more vanilla.
Mrs W here … over the years we have realised that I am the more kinky one with Mr W being very vanilla … I convinced him that I liked sexy underwear, then toys which he had never thought of… now we also include BDSM … I want to try anal and other partners of both M & F (not necessarily M&F together) … but so far I have not plucked up courage enough for anal - although he lets me finger and peg him … I now need the courage to try the anal on me …
@Wurger We have recently gotten into anal play. It is so fun and satisfying. Although he doesn’t want me to try it on him he loves fingering me and using the butt plug on me. I just got a dp dildo, anal beads, and a bigger butt plug so I’m excited to try those out!
I definitely recommend!
Communication is key. Maybe come up with a plan where maybe once a week you try something new. Eventually you will find something they love and you can build from there. My partner loves intense clit play so when we started it was a normal small vibrator which moved to a wand vibrator which then led to restraining her and using the wand. It just opened so many doors as she then wanted to explore using toys on me. We went from vanilla to extremely kinky with very few limits and willing to experiment with most things very quickly
I have a similar situation. Isn’t particularly kinky but I asked my wife to wear lingerie. I think she has an incredibly sexy, curvaceous body. She was initially very reluctant, some arguing (she seems to think my focus is on the clothing rather than her), but I managed to make her realise it’s her in those items that I find so sexy. She agreed to wear some but since that conversation, she hasn’t tried anything and has gone very defensive again.
I think I’m mildly kinky (love the idea of being dominated and water sports - which we did try when we were younger) and I’d love her to sit on my face. Just don’t know how / whether I should bring it up based on recent conversations.
I did write her a letter where I admitted to masturbating about her (which was liberating) but she takes a dim view of masturbation (which is a shame as I’d love for us to do that mutually).
But then, a couple of weekends ago we were away and went in a hot tub naked (in a secluded glamping pod) and things got rather steamy, so we retired to the bedroom. Was amazing.
My wife is my sole focus of desire and I wish she had more confidence. I love her body and in the last twelve months (I’m mid to late forties) my desire for her has gone through the roof. I have no desire for an open relationship or anything like that. I just want her. Would love for things to be a little more adventurous, but wouldn’t want her to do anything she felt uncomfortable with. In fairness, we have been intimate more frequently so I know she’s making an effort. I just don’t want to take the p**s and keep demanding more and more. I’d love to show her my posts on here, but don’t think that would go down too well. Although it’s anonymous, I still think she’d find it fairly shocking.
When my wife and I first got together, she was quite Vanilla with her approach to sex, me being only her second partner. Our initial experience was a mix of me giving her oral and some light exploratioins with a finger in her ass as she orgasmed, hich surprised her but accepted it with embarrassment and blushing. I soon discovered that she preferred to keep the lights off during our intercourse and had noexperience in giving head. She said that having a penis in her mouth souned icky.
She had always viewed bondage as too extreme, taboo and was firmly against anything involving anal play. It took some time before she revealed that she owned a dildo, which she had barely used and had hidden away. Gradually, she became more open, allowing the toy into our bedroom, and I introduced her to new sensations with it. Over time, she embraced more adventurous experiences, including more vibrators, wands. and even being tied to the bed, temperature play, edging, tease n denial, spanking. She is now a pro and giving head. Riming and anal play is routine for us, and now she’s almost as kinky as I am. Almost!
I think a lot of males feel intimidated by their spouses using or wanting toys. It challenges their masculinity, I think. For me, I would love it to have my lovely wife enjoy herself with a toy, as long as she did not exclude me . Indeed, having her enjoying orgasming on her own would probably raise the bar and make her want me more. No toy can replace a nice cock and warm lips and tongue.
@Latestr8 that’s true. I think when we men become comfortable with who we are and our own masculinity, it allows us to be more comfortable with our lovers.
@Audy without knowing the background or past conversations. There are alot of variables. The only thing that is certain is “no” is no. Whether the act has already started or not.
Communication is very important, as well as consent. Prior tals may open doors to potential exploits. Though cold feet hamper the willingness.
A couple suggestions, then I give an example. 1 sure your partner that you love her and admire her sexiness. Compliment her beauty often. make love to her as often or more than you fk her. When I was initiating bodage into our playtime. I verbally described my intent and her potential enjoyment. I also acknowledged her sense of feeling vulnerable and powerless. I explained the importance of trust and if she didn’t trust me, then she shouldn’t accept. She was well rehearsed of safe words and the importance, thereof. We also watched some porn, displaying acts that I recommended. Eventually I asked her what her afford would be, and she told me.
Then one evening I had a hotel room prepared for us. Prior to our date, I paid for room and prepared a sexy atmosphere. I installed the restraints under mattress leaving all 4 cuffs resting atop the comforter. I laid out a few party favors on the bed, including magic wand, brand new feather duster, Blindfold, candles to drip on her massage oils and a couple other playboy. I had drinks in the fridge and 2 bouquets of flowers in the room.
During our night, I open the discussion of wanting give her a full body massage then tie her up. Then asked if we should be spontaneous and get a room.
Long story short. I brought her to room. Open door turned on lights, then carried her in as if she were my bride. I allowed her to view flowers and the naughty bed then kissed her. She was definitely willing and I asked her to announce her safe word. To make sure we understood. She used the same word as previously shared.
We all feel we know our partners after a while, but sometimes we miss subtle clues that suggest there are things that hide just under the surface which only need a slight push to reveal. We just have to be bold enough to lift that cover off a tiny bit. Over the years, there have been a few times when we watched something in a movie or on television that prompted a slight response, either verbally or with a change in body language. There have been several scenes where we have seen two women together, where I noted my wife take her breath in or shift her body position, revealing there may be some sapphic ideologies running beneath the surface. Even so, I have never been brave enough to ask her about it. She has said that sexuality’s almost always a fluid concept, and there are few black and white limits. I get the impression there may be some things she has experienced that may be different than what i assumed.
make love to her as often or more than you fk her. When I was initiating bodage into our playtime. I verbally described my intent and her potential enjoyment. I also acknowledged her sense of feeling vulnerable and powerless. I explained the importance of trust and if she didn’t trust me, then she shouldn’t accept. She was well rehearsed of safe words and the importance, thereof. We also watched some porn, displaying acts that I recommended. Eventually I asked her what her afford would be, and she told me.