Kinky People with Vanilla Partners

Pick out toys together. Maybe pick up some Japanese ropes and see if he likes tying you up and playing with you? Try a d gravitate towards toys and such he can feel involved with.

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Thank you so much! Your story is very helpful.

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I’m in a similar situation but the opposite way around. I like to use toys to enhance my wife’s pleasure but she doesn’t really want to explore. All the toys we own, I have bought, and everything bar the Lovehoney Massager, gathers dust in my bedside drawer. She hates one toy in particular (the njoy pure g spot massager) calling it a banana. This is because I find squirting a turn on (it can make her squirt) and she’s not into it. She doesn’t like wearing lingerie which is fine and just likes ‘regular sex’ when she’s in the mood (about once or twice a month if I’m lucky). We have mismatched libido at the moment which doesn’t help, which may be down to her contraception (Mirena coil). That said, I’m looking at getting the snip to get her off it. I feel your frustration :frowning:

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I’m pretty kinky and willing to try anything once. My wife is vanilla and a “missionary in the middle of the bed” type woman. Very frustrating seeing a I’m desperate to be rogered from behind by her with a strap on​:roll_eyes:

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I understand your predicament as the last woman I dated for almost a couple of years seemed to have little to no adventure in the bedroom which was hugely disappointing as she was otherwise a nice catch. I never managed to talk my ex into using toys (for her not for me), not even to use the monogamy board game which she thought was cringeworthy (who wouldn’t like a game with a dare card asking you to eat something nearby seductively?!).

I suppose it depends how long you’ve been going out. When he comes out with just wanting to play with you, can you say it’s not just about his wants or agree that you want him to play with you, but with added spice?

Though I am quite a kinky fella, if I was dating a lady who asked me to grab toys to use on here, I’d have jumped at the chance, and would have thought most men would be the same. Perhaps you’ll just have to withhold some things from him until he does some things you want. For example, if doggy style was something he loved, let him know he shan’t have it until he does something for you. Sex is a wonderful motivator :wink:

I’m more kinky than my wife. I’m up for trying anything.

Her pegging me, her spanking me, me spanking her, sex toys, ice, body food, tieing up etc. We have amazing vanilla sex life.

She sometimes wheres a butt plug which she enjoys when she’s in the mood and feels like double penetration for her.

Once in a very rare blue moon I have anal sex with her but as it’s so infrequent I’m normally far too excited to enjoy it fully.

I use toys all the time myself. Wife just comes very easily via Clitoral stimulation.

I bought a Penis Sleeve and took 1 year to get the courage to tell her about it. I just wanted to see wherever she would get anything out of a big long one deep in her but she said it was cold and fake and was hard working using it so it went in the bin after one use.

She always orgasms 1 to 3 times during sex. I always orgasm. It’s all good. I just want to do some more stuff like I’ve seen in porn! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

I love it when my wife rims me. She’s up for most things and says she’ll try most things once in reason.

Just think that she enjoys cuming so easily and well from what we do she probably doesn’t see the need for longer kinkier sessions. She’s part koala bear and loves her sleep :laughing:

I know she masturbates by herself watching porn which I find a turn on and try to find out more details via sexting but she doesn’t give too much away.

We use vibrating cock rings and a few other things which blow her mind and I say you could use them by yourself when I’m away and she says that she’s fine with just her fingers.

I rimmed her the other day for the first time which I think she secretly enjoyed. She’s great at dressing up sexy too in different lingerie so I can’t complain :slight_smile:

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In fairness, she doesn’t sound too vanilla!

Just have to accept the more kinky treats every now and then when the other half is up for it

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@r3k yes actually in hindsight my great wife isn’t too vanilla. She’s maybe vanilla++… After your reply I read about vanilla sex and kink levels and it’s hard to define what vanilla is as is different for everyone.

One good post said it’s a bit risky to label vanilla as boring as it might encourage someone to look for more extreme versions of play.

Not sure if there is a simple 0 to 10 sex scale kinkiness anywhere…

If 0 is having no sex at all
1 is having sex always the same way not very often
2 is having a bit more varied sex a bit more often

Then 5 might be vanilla regular stuff… A blog said that even some people see anal as normal vanilla whereas for me I would have always considered that to be higher up the number chart.

Scale 8 could be quite rough BDSM.
Scale 10 could be quite scary stuff…

I would say my wife is about a scale 6 but she’s perfectly happy with 5.

I would say I’m a 7 but more than happy with our scale 5 and 6 sex life. Cheers.

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Can recommend the humdinger, non-intrusive and hits the spot. LH has their own version.

You can graduate from there, with a discussion on what would you like to see/use…

I’d love to have suction dildo in the shower for the OH to enjoy (but in there too - best to be enjoyed together) &/or shower head vibrator.

Late to the party here but figured I’d throw my hat in.

I’m having a similar issue and I feel it’s becoming more malignant as time goes on. My problem is, is that my partner verbally agrees to trying things, but then moments where it could be possible seem to be avoided.

We have had discussions discussions before where she begins to open up more and become understanding, however, as soon as the momentum is lost from the discussion we are back to square one :skull_and_crossbones:

Any one else have an issue like this?

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My husband was very adversed to toys, kinks and the such, but over time and trial and error, he’s come to enjoy more and more new things. He’s still not into male sex toys, but he’s at least into using toys on me.

For me personally, the biggest thing was that - letting him see how much I like them, and how much I like it when he uses them on me. It’s not about needing it, it’s about enjoying it, together. Good luck :slight_smile:

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I definitely am more kinky than my partner but she has taken me for who I am and I just try to keep a vanilla as I can with her. It can be difficult to try new things but I think she is becoming more open. The main thing I have found is do not push too much as that is the worst thing you can do!!

What variety is in the toy box?
I’d imagine the old monster collection (if your thing prev :slight_smile: ) would be quite daunting for the OH.
Nothing better than sharing and the enjoyment. Just need to broaden the horizon’s here on what’s used (same vibe but trusty) - there are others sitting idle but not in the picture.

Being the more adventurous one in my relationship, the man, not that my wife is vanilla… My point is this, be the initiator with new toys, sex positions/ideas, and foreplay etc. He’s timid and unsure about any of this stuff you want to try. These are ideas and fantasies in your mind, so set up a night or moments where you coach him and involve him in toy play. Tell him how to hold it, where to place it, how to move it. Tell him to use his mouth or fingers during toy play. He’ll become more relaxed and over time will get better and will want to use toys on you without you asking. Good luck, I hope this helps

I didn’t realize there were so many others with similar concerns. One thing early on with my OH, I introduced a drinking and card game. Get some drinks in, you loosen up, then find a board game or card game that makes you perform certain acts, use toys, or introduce new things that you want to try. Your OH will be relaxed, out of their head, and will usually be more willing to do what’s in the card or board. If they hesitate a little, do it to them first then they can reciprocate. Hope this helps with sexy time. Always communicate too! Nothing wrong with talking, just don’t force it

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Mostly vibrators and such - clit stimulators and wands. I’m very much in love with my LH Pocket Pal at the moment. Dildos wise, I’m a fan of all things steel because of the added temperature play component. Hope that helps :slight_smile: