I have a georgous partner and we both like sex, but when we are “making babies” I seldom cum. We’ve tried different positions (her on top, my favourite) but I don’t cum … and end up going a bit floppy disk. We are not into anything kinky. I’ve tried little yellow pills … reduced booze but doesn’t appear to make much difference. We engage in foreplay, usual sort of stuff … but often with the same result. Hard going in … but no products. I know I have prostate issues so that may have something to do with it. Just wondering if other “mature” people have similar issues or if there are any hints and tips we could try. Thanks
PS; she does a fantastic HJ which works. She loves OS and so do I
PPS; solo HJ also works so all appears to be working in that departrment.
You might benefit from some pelvic floor training. I’m 58 and know that from about 50, my muscle mass began to drop along with general strength. I also work sat down for 12+ hours a day so don’t exercise my pelvic muscles nearly enough. They affect strength of erection and importantly, help in maintaining one. When thats the issue, no amount of yellow or blue pills will help as they only affect blood chemistry, not mechanics.
So if you go on Youtube and search for Male Kegal you’ll find a lot to choose from. And they DO work. Just takes a bit of time and commitment.
As for sensitivity. It may also be connected to muscle tone but as you say, may be down to prostate health. Depends on what you have going on. Some tablets for BPH affect ejaculation but I don’t know if they affect sensitivity. I’ve had prostatitis twice, acute and chronic, and the anti-bios they give are some of the worst ( as in most dangerous and leave you with long lasting issues ) on the market and can and do cause lots of problems.
But since you say theres no problem with oral or manual then I wonder if part of it is in your head or simply down to preference. Do you need that extra visual stimulation? If you’ve spent much time watching porn then that can be a common side effect.
Or sometimes, having to concentrate during penetrative sex to maintain pace, rythmn, position, pressure etc.etc. can be just enough of a distraction to lose it. Not something you’re needing to do during O or M.
Lets also not forget that manual and oral are both more physically stimulating than vaginal. Theres just a lot more going on and maybe thats all it is.
I think if you can perhaps try to find the pattern or work out what is significant in different circumstances, it’ll give you more of an idea of where to go next.
And be curious rather than worried. Sounds to me like you’ve got something really good going on so enjoy it. Sometimes it can be just as well to accept that at the moment, thats just the way it is, so go with it and keep having fun. You never know how things will change in the future.
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And personally .. I love cock rings .. and there’s nothing kinky in that..
Thank you so much for your very helpful reply. You raise some very interesting points.
I take little yellow pills and they certainly help with the erection. Although I haven’t had a proper diagnosis I “feel” that my prostate is enlarged. The PSA blood tests and internal exam are all “normal”. I must admit that yes I do watch porn so maybe I should cut down that side of things a bit. I’ll have a look at YT for the pelvic muscle exercises.
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You are right … I do have something really good going on. to be honest I find it really intimate when my partner gives me a HJ … we just hold each other tight for ages afterwards.
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silly question coming up … how do cock rings work?
On this forum, I think you’ll find there’s no silly questions. Just questions.. and some vulnerability, which we all respect and appreciate.
Essentially cockrings just provide pressure around your penis or around your penis AND scrotum and help retain the blood and so hopefully maintain your erection. Results vary and there can be whole discussions on material, size, usage, weight etc. and theres been a number of posts about them you might find useful. As starting points ..
Ok, so I also have difficulty attaining an orgasm with my wife, probably 25% of the time we are sexually active. We have been married over 20 years, second time around for both of us. It may be possible just the familiarity with each other has taken some of the zest out of lovemaking, pretty ommon with long time couples. Another thing could be the “ iron fist” issue, where you get used to a certain amount of friction and pressure when going solo, then, when you’re with the missus, the sensation is not the same so you have difficulty coming. Also, very common. Lastly, it is also a factor of actual less sensitivity as we get older, a known thing, because of aging bodies. What can you do? Well, try adding something to the play session like sexy nightwear, or trying a different position, maybe doing it in a different location. Simple things, like adding lube, with its various slip sensations can make a remarkable difference. I have been trying some “ sensitivity training” myself, by changing out how I pleasure myself when masturbating, simply using a lighter touch, and not a death grip, and adding some lube, to try to mimic the sensations I get with my wife. So far, it seems to be helping somewhat, it is still early in the experiment.
And it does not hurt to try male kegels, as they can improve erection quality and can make for stronger orgasms. And being in good overall health is always a way to help with any physical activity.
Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I’m really pleased that it’s not just me having these sorts of issues.
I’m 67 and my partner 65 this year. We have been together for almost 2 years (my wife passed away a few years ago). So everything is new and exciting … apart from aging bodies. I like your idea of senstivity training when going solo, trying to mimic the sensations with my partner. Makes perfect sense. I must admit that when going solo it is more of a death grip type of rubbing, much more physical than intercourse. I’ll have a look at male Kegels … sounds interesting.
I have definitely become less sensitive with age (fit mid 50s). The positive is that play lasts as long as I want rather than being over in minutes. However the downside is when I want to cum it’s much harder to tip over the edge.
It’s easier if I have not cum in a while, and easier with my partner on top as I can just focus on cumming rather than her pleasure.
I do also have a theory that porn does not help matters. Porn is like social media, lots of endorphin hits, fast moving, 100% visual stimulation and constantly changing. Real life is much slower, uses multiple senses, and is not all visual, and much less change. I think our primeval brain struggles to get as stimulated after the hyper stimulation of porn. This did not affect me so much when I was younger but I think becomes more problematic with age.
One thing for me specifically is that I have always been a slow to orgasm sort. It might be some inhibitions from a restrictive childhood or other shameful messaging, or a physiological reason at play, but except for a few episodes where entirely new situations were at hand, such as my first touch of a girls breasts or vulva, that literally had me going off immediately. My first girlfriend (who became my first wife) often complained about me taking so long. We were not having penetrative sex because she was a virgin, and wanted to stay that way until marriage. ( another sad tale) In any event, being slow to cum has been both a blessing and a curse for me. And I was on antidepressants for a time, which made sex and orgasm extremely difficult. So back to the original question, trying to re-educate ourselves with sensitivity training may be benefit. Also, participating in mindfulness training, which is becoming widespread, may also bring some new focus ( pun intended) to the situation. Good luck with the progress. Check back when you do make some progress.
Some good news … we went away recently for a long weekend. Not sure what was different but we had great sex on two nights … and I came twice.
It was sooooo fantastic after recent issues. I’m not sure what was different. I took a yellow pill much earlier in the evening … we had our usual amount of good food and drink … we were both rather excited in bed. Maybe it was one or everything combined. What ever it was it certainly worked on both nights.
I know men of our level of maturity “shouldn’t get too hung up” about not ejactulating during intercourse … but we can’t help it when we can’t. And when it all works again … it feels such a huge relief.
Yay for you, what a great episode to be able to cum and more than once, superb.
I have been trying to do some sensitivity training by myself, not squeezing my cock as hard, and just using very light tension, looking to retrain my nervous system to enjoy the less intense pressure.
So far, mixed results. I had a couple of events where we made love and I did not orgasm, which is frustrating. Especially as I was getting more regular with cumming with her. More work is needed, but it is good work, even just the retraining without orgasm is very pleasurable. It is a journey, not a destination.
Thank you. I did feel on top of the world when it happened, but I’m not sure what made the difference. I didn’t do any sensitivity training but did purposly not view any porn before hand (did afterwards because I felt so good). Just for info … we don’t live together and see each other at the weekends. Not sure when we are going away again.
Maybe I should try the sensitivity training like you described. Won’t do any harm to try … any excuse to have a good rub.
Good luck with your journey. I really hope it all works out for you.
Thanks. One thing I have noticed, if I look at porn while doing the training, I get excited initially, but it becomes a distraction later. So lately, I have been just concentrating on feeling the sensations and letting that take me toward orgasm.
