So if you’re part of the LGBTQ or not you may know this phrase. I’ve been with my current girlfriend for over a year and we both enjoy sex but suddenly it’s just straight to bed and straight to sleep. I can’t blame her as I myself find it rather exhausting. I don’t know if it’s just medication and stress or a combination. But several relationships have gone this way where I start to feel geriatric after the first few months of honeymoon period! I want her to be more confident and pin me down and get to business. I’ve mentioned this but never happens. Any tips? I often try to initiate but it goes nowhere. I’m a very sexual person and I need more!
It’s not confined to LGBTQ relationships, most relationships cool off a bit after the initial “honeymoon” period. Relationships take a bit of work from both parties to keep the flame alive, but yes work, stress, medication etc can take their toll. All i can suggest is talk openly and make an effort, but it’s probably unrealistic to expect to be swinging from the chandeliers every night. Maybe aim for quality over quantity? Hope this helps.
I used to find that having a weekend away helped reignite things. No one has been able to of late, perhaps once the restrictions have been lifted have a break some where, something different from the norm.
I think that’s on the menu. We also have a very demanding dog who often sleeps in the bed
Familiar with the concept and the term, although I too have often wondered why it’s assumed to be some uniquely sapphic problem - as @WillC says, it happens to couples of every stripe, and for much the same reasons …not that’s any great help to you right now!
I definitely agree that the two of you need to sit down, recognize that this situation is several shades of wrong and have a serious chat about sorting out a strategy to get things back on track. The longer you let sleeping dogs lie (see what I did there? Damn, I’m on fire today!) the harder it will be to re-light that spark.
From the way you describe how you’d like your OH to behave, should we assume that up to now she has traditionally been the dominant one in the bedroom, or is this a role you’d like her to adopt?
I was going to say something like “maybe lockdown has thrown you together a bit too much” (and that may still be a factor), but then I read THIS:
I think you already know what a huge no-no / total passionkiller that situation is. It’s going to be hard to re-train your beloved hound out of this, because he/she will see it as a demotion of status, but it’s gotta be done, hun: the bedroom is YOUR domain and your hairy darling needs to learn some boundaries!
Not sure I’ve helped a huge amount there, but this IS fixable, so long as you both want to fix it.
Maybe gently train the dog with rewards to go in the kitchen at times you want to get intimate, maybe put the radio on for company.
I ritually agree with both you and @WillC about it being an all relationship thing. I think typically it is believed the absence of a testosterone driven individual lessens the drive overall. But I am that horny individual! Haha. We are both working on training the dog but she gives in more than I do (as I am I dog trainer and it’s her dog ) I think I am more dominant and am wanting that from her. We will definitely have a talk and no more doggo in the bed! Thank you!
Let us know how you get on, hun - we’re always here to chuck ideas around.
Thanks a bunch!
I know it’s been said by lots of others - but this happens in a lot of relationships. Both myself and my wife have suffered with this - as like 95% of couples we have different levels of libido. I’m always horny and up for it, and my OH probably has 2 or 3 days a month where sex even crosses her mind. I like you would really love to not the one always initiating (as I assume I’m probably getting quite annoying now) but she isn’t really that way inclined currently. However we are lucky to have a very communicative relationship -we’ve talked at length about this together, and things are changing for the better (although things were good already in every other aspect of our life). Actually this community has helped me understand that I wasn’t alone in my situation (I had told myself that everyone else I knew had great, exciting sex lives) and once I realised this isn’t the case then we’ve managed to start making little changes over time - and I’m feeling happier about everything (even if she still hasn’t initiated sex without my prompting) but we’re trying so many new things (thanks a lot to a few LH tester items) that were both expanding what we do in bed.
I’m not saying you’ve got nothing to complain about…but your not alone by far - I think I a massive number of relationships go through it…and the first port of call is always trying having an open and honest conversation about how you feel, abd let them tell you their side too…and take it from there.
Thank you, I love this community it really helps put things into perspective. I am lucky as well to have a communicative and caring partner. Thank you for sharing!
I agree - this community has helped me more than they know…
Similar thing happened to my relationship and now I’m about 5 years with no sex! I hope you get it sorted because I wouldn’t wish this on anyone! When I’ve tried to initiate it in those 5 years I’ve been asked if sex is all I think about! Hard not to think about it when it was a massive part of our relationship before then to go to nothing!
I do believe that it is and should be a big part of any relationship! If I strayed I’d be the absolute scum of the earth but she’s just not willing to give me anything! Seriously makes me feel ugly, inadequate and not wanted
I was in a relationship previously where I was made to feel extremely unwanted, she would almost cringe if I touched her and wouldn’t attempt to touch me! It feels awful and didn’t do my mental health any good! I feel for you. It’s intimacy and I do agree it’s an important part of a relationship
Start before the bedroom, earlier in the evening/day.
Sleep is so attractive in a comfy bed at night
It’s not nice, doesn’t do my mental health any good either to be honest but I’m getting through all that now! Sex isn’t the be all and end all but I do bloody want a bit could of cheated so many times but haven’t! Done a few naughty things like but never actually done the deed so to speak! Doing myself is enjoyable but it does get a little monotonous at times
I’ve been trying that today! Definitely did some good
I’m so sorry to hear it! I hope you’re getting through it alright! It can be frustrating and I understand you, becomes exhausting sometimes, I wonder if romance might do something to warm your partner up in a different type of way
I’m pretty much sure I’ve covered everything now to try snd change things around! She like romantic stuff but still always not in the mood or tired whatever
Ah I’m sorry to hear it I wish
I had more advice!