Letting your partner sleep with another man?

We have been doing a bit of reading into this lately to see if whether it is a good idea or not and getting a bit of a mixed bag of views, so thought we'd ask couples here.

It's always been fantasy of mine to watch my wife sleep with another man, but should this remain a fantasy and go no further?

It seems like a good idea in my mind, but in reality is that a good or really bad idea?

The thought of it seems great and although my wife isn't quite so keen on the idea, I find myself getting very turned on by the idea, but am worried if I would regret it?

Has anyone else thought about this themselves (as i hear it's very common) so hoping it's not just me who's a fruit loop?

Has anyone else actually gone through with it?

What happened, did it work, was it fun, or did it completely ruin your life/relationship?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as reallly don't know what to do?

Your wife is not keen, then don't you could destroy your marraige keep it a fantasy role play with costumes dildos,.

kittencub wrote:

Your wife is not keen, then don't you could destroy your marraige keep it a fantasy role play with costumes dildos,.

100% commitment, with rules in place, and both prepared to walk away if its a mind feck for either of you. You also need to tell the other person that this is going to be the case, hardly their fault if you find difficult what they don't.

Otherwise anything less, any doubts whatsoever, its what kittencub has said.

Red flag for me is the fact that your wife is not keen. Would you really want her to do something she's against ?

I'd keep this as a fantasy xx

Another no vote here. You're not 'letting' you wife sleep with another man if it's you wanting her to do it, not her, you're pressuring her into sleeping with another man.

There are plenty of ways to explore this fantasy together without actually doing it, I'd see if she's up for exploring the fantasy with just the pair of you (without expecting it to lead to actually going through with involving another person). If she's into talking dirty she could describe her sleeping with another man to you, either in past tense while she sleeps with you or even in present tense while you are blindfolded and you both pretend there is someone else there. Realistic dildos are your friend for watching her and if you get creative you can make it look like there is a person attached to said dildo (hidden under the covers, in a wardrobe, behind a wall out of sight etc). I'm sure you've got plenty of ideas of your own too! Introducing some imaginative play is much less risky than introducing a real person.

Ultimately what you should do is have the conversation with her. Tell her this is a bag fantasy of yours and ask her what she doesn't like about it/why she is't keen. If she doesn't like the idea at all this could be a no go. If she just doesn't want to sleep with another person you could discuss fantasy play options. Even if she isn't up for going near it don't worry about being a fruit loop, you're not! Perfectly normal fantasy and nothing to be ashamed of, you can always keep on thinking about it whether it comes true or not :)

Yeah, whether or not you'd end up being okay with it, even though you're turned on by the thought of it, is kinda beside the point here. Your wife has to be completely okay with it in the first place before you need to worry about how you'd feel about it afterwards. So, walk before you run, eh?

It might be something you can explore together through roleplay. For instance, set up a camera in a hotel room and you pretend to be someone else (dress, talk, act differently etc), maybe you never see your face properly. Anyway, film the sex and you can both have the joy/option of watching it back and it being a visual reinforcement of her sleeping with another man, without her actually having to do it. It might help her get a feel for it by watching it back, too. Just an idea, I'm sure there are plenty of ways to explore it.

I have to agree with the other people saying 'No, not a good idea'. This is your fantasy, your thinking isn't isolated, i have thought of this scenario lots of times but wouldn't consider this in reality. You could try reading Dare by Tracey Cox, it was available on here, i found it interesting, it puts fantasies into prospective.

I would opt for talking, role play as lovebirds suggests, it maybe better to try out other fantasies that you have thoughts on / about that are just involving you both without a third party first.

We have done this as it was a fantasy of my OH's and mine, and I was terrified at the time about him 'going off' me afterwards. Thankfully it worked out for us, but it takes a very strong and completely honest relationship to work. And if she or you are in any doubt, then I personally wouldn't do it. If she's not keen now then it may be that's it your fantasy but not hers.

You could ask her to tell you about her ex boyfriends and she could describe their sex to you (as long as she's comfortable doing this of course!). Or she could make it up, pretend she's slept with someone and let your imagination so the rest. If she's not keen then you may just need to think about it yourself, but I'd recommend the talk even if she is considering it. It's a safe way to explore your fantasy, if she likes telling you and you enjoy hearing it then that could be all you need to do to feel satisfied.

Good luck!

I never heard of fantasies like this until recently and it sounds strange to me personally, but I'm not here to judge. I know that I wouldn't want to make my OH do something she is not comfortable with. I agree with what others have said, that if she is not comfortable doing this, then I could be explored in other ways.

One thought I had was maybe you could get her to find some erotic short stories where is narrated by a woman in first person. You could put on a blindfold while she reads so that you can imagine like it's her that's gone out and acted out the story, and that these are her recounts. Maybe while she plays with herself too.

Just a thought.

Thanks for all your kind replies so far.

Keep them coming.................

We are honestly taking your comments on board so far, and it does help reading positive/negative reviews, so we can see it from both sides and it will help with our decision in the end hopefully.

It's nice to hear it worked for some people, not necessarily for others and also reading different alternatives should it not go ahead.

We will be keeping an eye on this thread, as it's always nice to hear views from different people.

Exactly Jon - what works for someone may not work for someone else, but equally it's good to hear when it has worked and continues to work very well! I have sex with my OH and a girl. He loves me telling him about it and also of the times when he's let me sleep with other men (and vice versa). But I fully appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea.

Good luck in whatever you do or don't do, and above all have fun 😉

I think the fact that your wife is not a 100% sure is your answer right there. If this were something that you were both prepared to let happen then you both need to agree 100% and discuss rules. I think this might be best left as a fantasy.

Terri JJ wrote:

Red flag for me is the fact that your wife is not keen. Would you really want her to do something she's against ?

I'd keep this as a fantasy xx

For me the above is the key. Sounds like to me that you are applying pressure for her to do this against her wishes. She will end up not enjoying it and not relaxed enough to see it through. For me its a none starter .

^ I agree with the above too. I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear.
It can work for some couples but they both have to want this. There are no doubt a lot that share your fantasy but keep it that way for fear of damaging their relationship and this can happen. What sounds good as a fantasy very often doesn't live up to your expectations.

I've had similar feelings but wanting to see my wife with another woman. I started to sugest it as my wife has bisexual feelings. Yet as I "pushed" for my own gratifications I did not realise how much I was pushing her away. Be real careful and ultimately really understanding of her feelings and if required as in our case......nice fantasy.

Just to mirror what others have said, I wouldn't push for this to happen. Your wife isn't on board and that's where it ends.

I have countless fantasies that I know I'll never get to fulfil, and I'm fine with that. Acceptance is very much a part of a healthy sex life.

I see nothing but regret coming.
The fantasy is fine and fun but if your OH was to enjoy it too much for your liking then it will lead to a broken marriage.
Consider role playing this out first, like watching your OH pleasure herself with a life like dildo and see if this helps the fantasy.
If you go ahead with it, make sure ground rules are in place.

This does work for some relationships, however all parties have to be 100% happy with it. Your wife clearly isn't so I would suggest you keep your wife sleeping with another man as a fantasy.

Though it may be tempting, and your brain wants to live out this fantasy in real life, you must make sure you're not pressuring her. Whilst I'm sure your OH understands your fantasies (much like you understand hers), you must consider the fact that she is not totally "keen on the idea".

For now, I'd give it a miss, but perhaps raise it when the time is better suited, when sex is the conversation but not if things are already getting intimate. Talk to her about the fantasy, if she says no still, perhaps raise one of the above alternatives such as describing sex acts she's done with others. If not, I'm afraid it'll have to stay a fantasy ![](upload://f8zGclFeQx35HwZLqJ7J1rFzQ0n.gif)

Terri JJ wrote:

Red flag for me is the fact that your wife is not keen. Would you really want her to do something she's against ?

I'd keep this as a fantasy xx

I could not agree with this more. Please don't try to encourage or persuade her to do this as it's clear she isn't keen on the idea. If she did it she'd probably be doing it just to please you, which could lead to resentment towards you on her part. I think a partner who's not invested in the play kills the fantasy too so I don't think you'd enjoy it if she wasn't. It's best to keep this as a fantasy. You can always recreate this scenario at home with sex toys 😀