I was wondering if any of you can help, my wife has low libido, some times it may be as long as 4 months between having sex. Do any of you have advice on how I can help her build up her libido and therefore have more of a physical relationship?
Have you tried talking to her, there can be many reasons for a low libido
Yes, she said there is nothing wrong with us.
Have you expressed yourd like more physical contact?
It could be medical hunny i have low sex drive due to diabetes and previous depression. Xxx
I really think you need to find the cause before we can offer any real help. Best way IMO to do this would be to go out on a dinner date and then talk. As Dani has pointed out it could be for many number of reasons. Once you can identify the cause then all of us will be iin a position to offer help and advice.
Best thing you can do is trying talking and be patient. There many reasons for low libido. Im just coming out of three year spat of sex every 2-4months. Its wasnt easy for me theres was no solutions my libido gradually found it way home.afterany talks with my husband. At this time focus more on intimatsy (naked snuggle, massages etc) then take her out treat her to some nive non revealing night gear(silky gown ,babu doll).... Gradually build up at her pace but be an ear and listen for the problem.
I think Dani's advice is brilliant. She's totally right in saying that if it's been a while, the idea of sex can be intimidating, so taking it slow would be a really good idea. I find that even if I haven't had sex with my partner for something like a week, I get out of the habit, I find it harder to initiate anything, I sort of forget that it's something that I like and start to think that it's no big deal and I could totally live without sex forever. Making sure that everything is casual and worry-free is a big thing that helps me, knowing that whatever we're doing doesn't have to end in happy endings, it doesn't have to lead to sex, etc. means that we do more things more often.
Of course this is all dependent on your partner wanting to have more of an active sex life again, so I guess that the first step for you would be to have a discussion with her about how you both feel about it.
I will add my two cents here as you did not indicate if ya'll have children as well. As women, we are generally taking care fo everyone else first... our job, the kids, the house, the spouse or partner, etc. Oftentimes this leaves little to nothing left at the end of the day as far as sexual expression. I spreak from personal experience hitting a rut in this area at one time in my life. She may not be able to express that she is simply exhausted or stressed out enough to "get in the mood" or even enjoy sex.
So first off, find ways to help her with the kids, house, etc. I am not assuming you do not help already but a clean kitchen or folded laundry does wonders from my libio.
Second, create ways to connect physically that do not have to always or immediately lead to sex such as a foot rub, back rub or just snuggling while watching a movie. My holding hands and touching more it will help create more connection.
Third, to get out a rut you gotta change it up. Get out of the house or normal surroundings, sex in the car, grab a hotel room or even just play outside the bedroom.
Finally, there may be medical issues at play for her. Depending on age or pregnancy hormonal shifts affect women and depression, even mild, kills a libio.
Best of luck to you both. =)
Thanks every one.
Just for the record I do the kitchen and the laundry, looking dame good in a apron!!
:)
I'm pleased you have tried to talk about what can be a difficult subject. Does she engage in genuine hugs and intimacy or is this difficult for her too?
if it's just the physical act of sex that's hard for her to fancy, why not get her a set of jiggle balls, she might enjoy weren't then while going about her day to day life. They might even get her excited enough for you to give her oral sex. (I wouldn't push for feet ration straight away). If you get too worked up I'm sure you can relieve yourself when she is done. The physical stimulus might be enough of a trigger a more physical relationship.
if she struggles with being intermat then I'm not sure there is anything that will encourage her physical sex life. Perhaps massage might encourage physical contact. Patience is definitely the key and I'm glad that you are supportive.
i hope this helps.
Pip204 - was it always like that, was it hard to get the relationsip to sex when it started? If so your other half may just have a low sex drive, in which case your options are wanking a lot, having a bit on the side, or moving on.
I served a sentence of over 20 years with a woman with a lower sex drive than mine - it really did my head in.
Sometimes it can be something quite tivial. For example a change of hours at work , for instance my OH gets up at 4.45am every weekday morning. Naturally she is too tired during the week for sex and therefore limited to weekends .
Perhaps you could look back to see if there were any obvious changes that may have lowered her sex drive.