Hello,all. This is my first time posting here so a bit scared!
My libido has disappeard. My children are 3 and 1. My husband and I had an active sex life pre children but for me things have changed since. I love my husband and when we do have sex it's amazing, but it's getting me in the mood that seems to be the problem. Any ideas/toys/DVDs that may he,p with this?
I have to add, I do really like to watch a bit of porn, with a plot, not just straight in so any recommendations will be good x
Avrielle_Aniko wrote:
Honestly, I'd avoid the porn at the moment. As in, don't rely on it to get you in the mood. Same with sex toys. Generally, you need to be in the mood already before really enjoying a sex toy.
Losing sex drive after childbirth and while looking after small children is a regular problem.
I'd suggest finding ways to relax yourself and ease in to love making, and not try to force yourself by watching porn and attempting to force your sexual stimulation. Heck, I wish it could be that easy!
This forcing can actually make it worse over time and can make your libido even more shy.
I'd suggest finding time just for you and your partner. Go out for a meal, or make a special evening with the tablecloth and wine out. Relax and enjoy your time with your partner, and don't try to force sex into the night, let it come gradually.
Arrange one night a week, at least, where you are both together and not dealing with children and domestics, no talk of bills or housekeeping or work. Even if it is just cuddling up on the sofa together watching a film. But communication is important. Have a discussion about something that is not deeply related to you or him (ie- house stuff, children, work, etc).
Having a 'sex night' can help some couples, but I still don't recommend forcing your body to respond, etc. I think changing the name to 'love night' or something would be better. If your body doesn't want to respond, then that can just be the way it is. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Cuddling can release 'happy' hormones and can help you to feel close to your partner. Even if sex doesn't happen right away, you can both benefit from cuddling in bed together.
Having a relaxing bath, or having a bit of 'you' time can help things too. Unwind, shut down from the day, and this helps seperate the 'domestic wife' part of your day to the 'sexy wife' time with your husband.
Sorry it isn't a 'quick-fix' answer... But I hope you get your libido back and enjoy yourself again.
I agree with AA, also maybe have just a morning to yourself, maybe yourself during the day and partner at night, go shopping have a little RnR and maybe get yourself a new outfit/underwear something that makes you feel sexy, you don't have to necessarily use it that night with your partner but it can help a lot with making you feel more sexy which is a must, as well as the time alone with your partner.
Hope you get your libido back, don't push yourself into it, just enjoy it.
Thanks both x
has your contraception changed since having the kids. I know after I had mine they first off gave me the injection and then the Mirena Coil. Both of these played havoc with me and my libido was non existant. I was almost depressed on the injection and had to wait for the 3 months for it to work it's way out of my body.
Now come off of everything and was sterlized and now my Libido is more than my husbands. He complains and infact his has gone the other way.
Kids do put alot of pressure on you and you are often quite glad to get a full nights sleep when sex is the last on the list. I can only say, that hopefuly it will improve.
The points that have been made have pretty much covered what I would of said especially:
Having a relaxing bath, or having a bit of 'you' time can help things too. Unwind, shut down from the day, and this helps seperate the 'domestic wife' part of your day to the 'sexy wife' time with your husband.
Don't beat yourself up about not fancying sex. You're a mum of three! Obviously a busy lady! The mere fact your looking to boost your libido and on this forum is great.
There are plenty of books out there which have hundreds of suggestions on how to spark your libido back into action. This one is great http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1272 and never under estimate the power of new sexy underwear especially with high heels, suspenders, stockings! They can work wonders and you get to treat yourself to something that makes you feel fabulous! Xx
FrozenAngel wrote:
I agree with AA, also maybe have just a morning to yourself, maybe yourself during the day and partner at night, go shopping have a little RnR and maybe get yourself a new outfit/underwear something that makes you feel sexy, you don't have to necessarily use it that night with your partner but it can help a lot with making you feel more sexy which is a must, as well as the time alone with your partner.
Hope you get your libido back, don't push yourself into it, just enjoy it.
We're in the same boat, and I'm going to agree with what's said above 100%. In fact, if our experience is anything to go by then the best investment in your love life at the moment is for a child minder!
Our kids are a lot older and recently the two of them were out for the day on an organised activity. So we managed to have peace to start real slow and work up - heck, madam even agreed to some light bondage and femdom! I'd got a book on oral that I'd been studying (madam's favourite method!) and we did a good deal of that too (sorry if this is too much information). But because we knew we wouldn't get disturbed we could take our time and savour it, result = best sex we've had all year.
Can't wait for the next time the two little "darlings" are away so we can have round two!
As my brother in law said - who needs contraception when you've got kids...