Lust for neighbour

Here goes!
I never ask for advice, but I’m seriously struggling with feelings for my neighbour. I feel like I’m 18 again.

I’m worried about making any kind of move for 1 reason… ‘shitting on my own doorstep’ so to speak.

The more I see him, the more I think he likes me. I could just be wild in lust and he’s no interest in me.

Thinking I’m going through a midlife crisis. Help :confused:


Is he single? Are you single? If the answer to both questions is yes, you have nothing to lose. Otherwise it could get very complicated.


Yes, we’re both single.


You could, next time you ‘bump’ into him on the garden path, start chatting about how you’re trying a new recipe this weekend but think you’ve overdone the ingredients… and does he fancy popping round to share the meal? Might ease into whether he’s interested or not. And worse case scenario, you can cook up a nice meal regardless!


Well, you can start a conversation and see where it leads, maybe see if they would like a drink at a pub or something?

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I agree: as you’re both single, there seem to be few reasons not to at least make an approach. I hear you on the “shitting on your own doorstep” thing, but I guess that would only be an issue if he turned out to be a nasty piece of work or stupidly immature. To wit: do you actually KNOW him as a neighbour - have you been able to gain any measure of his character and his attitudes to life - or is this more of a “lusting from afar” thing?

Of course, unless you already know that his sexuality lies somewhere under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you’ll have the old palaver of introducing him to you being poly and pansexual - there’s always the risk that he’ll turn out to be a hard-line monogamist and hyper-hetero with it (:roll_eyes: ) - but I imagine you’ve been on that fairground ride before!

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@Purring-Pussy I think the time has come for you to dip your toe in water so to speak. As you are attracted to him its got to be worth flirting with him gradually extending the bounderies. I say go for it girl. Best of luck

I bump into him on the garden path every day. I go out to water my hanging basket when I know he’s out with the dog.
We sat in the garden last week and had food, my treat.
I need the next step!


I don’t fully know him, he’s quite shy.
I’m murder for being very open and discussed that I’m pansexual and poly. He’s said he’s monogamous and looking for the right girl.
I don’t want a monogamous relationship, he knows this. I’d love to open his mind just a little but that would be waaaaay down the line if something did ever happen.


@Purring-Pussy if you are both single the only thing I would be wary of is the COVID risk , but I would think talk to him about your feelings or yearning see if he feels the same way. I get the shitting on your own doorstep scenario but at the end of the day 2 consenting adults let the lust go lol good luck :crossed_fingers:

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Well, I’ve never heard it called that before! :wink:

Seriously, though: OK, so you’re good neighbours and he already knows about your sexuality etc. So far, so good. It’s the poly/mono thing that worries me. He’s made it clear that he is mono, looking for “the right girl”, and he knows you don’t want a mono relationship, so frankly I don’t see a way forward there beyond maybe a short-term, purely FWB arrangement. If the two of you did embark on something serious, there’d be constant tension: you hankering after a poly dynamic and trying to persuade him to go against his instincts, and him being all jealous, moody and possessive, trying to keep you all to himself.

Sorry, hun. Not wanting to rain on your parade, but that’s what it looks like to me. Hugs… :hugs:


Yikes! Play it cool and don’t give in to your lustful ways as could be mega embarrassing if it’s not reciprocated :see_no_evil: try and randomly drop some hints into the conversation when next talk to him and see if he bites on to it so you know if there’s a mutual attraction without it being too awkward.

I’ve recently found myself getting giddy over the new neighbours who’s moved in and weirdly find myself gazing for ages out the window when they’re outside fiddling around with their car… I know it’s all a total fantasy in my head and probably makes me look like a crazy stalker if they ever saw me staring at them but aye it helps make the day go by lol :joy:


I have to agree with @PleasureDrone you have both seemingly laid out the cards, and you don’t appear to have a matching hand. Either one of you gives ground or you both have to step back and look elsewhere. From my perspective, you don’t want monogamy, but it’s against his socially imposed morals; which to be honest will be harder for him to break than for you to give up on the poly ideal you have and want.



You’re not raining on my parade, honest advice is what I’m after.

I would love it to be FWB kinda thing. I know that anything else won’t work as you said.

Thank you for your honest reply x


Time to dress incredibly sexy and need your light bulb changing …


Finding it hard to play it cool. :face_with_hand_over_mouth:
Didn’t even look twice at him when I first moved in, but since we’ve been chatting and slowly getting to know him I just wanna pounce on him. :joy:


Absolutely no need to say sorry. Thanks for your honest opinion x


Last night I asked if he’d move a heavy box for me, but alas, he has a bad back. Need to think of something else!
A lightbulb moment is needed! :bulb:


Maybe his “bad back” was an excuse not to come round? Give it a chance to develop your maybe frightening the s**t out of him :joy:. Hope you can work something out

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Or offer him a back massage! (Joking!)