Married FWB?


I'm single and have a friend who I've been talking to more and more often lately, sometimes really explicit.

he is married. Yes, I know this doesn't make it right, and we probably shouldn't be doing it. I did out a stop to it at one point but it just kind of starred again. There is most definitely a lot of chesmmistry between us and at some point the fantasy/ chat is going to become a reality.

ive never done the friends with benefits thing, but I have my eyes wide open. This is not going to be a long term affair, he does not want to leave his wife for me; it's just sex. I'm not entirely sur why I'm posting this... I know I'm not going to get approval! I guess I'm looking for and advice, hints and tips. I don't want this to be found out, it would hurt him, his wife, and me a lot.

thanks guys.


Just go in to it with your eyes wide open if it is really what you want to do. I have an fwb but he isn't married, he is my ex I split up with over 12 months ago....but we click sexually so it just made sense as he obviously knows my body, knows my likes etc but we know it's only sex and cuddles and that's it.

Why is it your fwb is looking for sex if he is married? You both have to be very honest with each other, do you know his wife?

Yes, I know his wife. I wouldn't say we are friends, but I see her every now and then and we have friends in common. I know she has very very low sex drive and they hasn't slept together in a number of months, which is why he just wants sex but not anything else. That's what makes it work for me (I hope!) as I'm happy on my own and don't want to get into a full blown affair/ relatinship. This makes it simple and clear cut. Does that make sense? x

Sorry I couldn't do this I'm married with no sex life due to hubby's meds, I have toys and my crushes no way would I ever have sex with anyone else, hasn't this man thought or talked with his wife, Sorry I'm very old fashioned I think.

I agree with you kittencub and I couldn't live with the guilt of having sex with another woman's husband behind her back.
Bornagainvirgin, do you know for sure that he hasnt had sex with his wife for months? If its come from him ( and I'm not insinuating that he's lying) some men will say this to convince a woman to take things further.
It may be simple cut for him and you but I don't suppose his wife will see it like that if she ever found out. He'd be better off trying to sort his sex life out with her rather than cheat on her.
Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh but it's something I feel quite strongly about.

Are you sure your eyes are really wide open or is that just wishful thinking and reassurance for yourself? Seems like someone usually finds out.

Thanks all.

whilst he says they haven't had sex in months of course I can't verify that and tbh I'm not sure that matters... I don't want to get involved in their relationship.

i have thought about this for quite a while, and at the end of the day I'm not the one cheating... I'm single. I have repeatedly spoken to him about what he risks losing but that's his decision.

Just for the record, I was married to someone for well over a decade who had no sex drive at all and I never strayed/ cheated in any capacity, it's just not something I would do. In this case, however, I'm not the one who is married!

Thanks again. x

So you wouldn't cheat, but you'd help a friend do just that?

I can't judge and I won't but all I will say is what if you can't separate your feelings from the sex? what if you start feeling for this man... you'll end up crushed when he doesn't leave his wife!! you say your going in this with your eyes wide open but be careful because your not only messing with your emotions but a family unit!!

If this person really is a friend, then you should be asking them what isn't right in their marriage that they need to come to you for flirting etc. You should be counselling them towards resolving their issues, not taking advantage of their vulnerability for your own benefit.

There is always the chance this person just wants flirting and has no intention of taking it any further in which case, back away.
Either way no good can from this.

"and at the end of the day I'm not the one cheating"

sorry but thats wrong he cant cheat alone !

it may well be a sexless marriage but its still a marriage, and as long as he is married really he's not avaialible !

I wonder if there are other ladys hes using the same line on ?

I know this probably isnt what you want to hear but if you do engage with him you will become part of the issue and undermine any potentual to save his current relasionship

so if you honestly believe a quicky or FWB when one is married wont hurt anyone ,your deluding yourself !

Gem26, that's one of my concerns but as I have no interest in getting emotionally involved with anyone I'm hoping I can seperate the emotion from this and it will just be sex. It's not something I've done before so there's only one way to find out!

as for the married bit.... I'm not 'helping' him cheat. He's a grown man, capable of making his own decisions. I haven't been chasing him or throwing myself at him so he's more than capable and able to say no if he wants to. Whilst I accept responsibility for my actions, his are his own responsibility.

i spent quite a while talking to him about sorting things out with his wife, which is when we slowly started to realise that we are on the same sexual wavelength.

After reading the replies and your responses it seems to me that what you are looking for is someone to say "yes it's ok, do it".
It is morally wrong and you know that which is why you're looking for 3rd party permission

If it is just sex that your after then I dont see why it has to be with him, there will be single guys out there who are capable of the no strings FWB you want? you are already connecting with him emotionally and thats why you are trying to justify the affair.
I think that you may be heading for a fall, but as you said, you know people wont agree with it.

Bornagainvirgin79 wrote:

as for the married bit.... I'm not 'helping' him cheat.

Call it enabling then. You're part of it, whatever words you use.

Sum Sub wrote:

After reading the replies and your responses it seems to me that what you are looking for is someone to say "yes it's ok, do it".
It is morally wrong and you know that which is why you're looking for 3rd party permission


Sounds like you're going to do it anyway regardless of anything anyone here says to you. Doesn't sound like people like to be asked for tips on how to conduct an affair.

These things never go well and someone will always get hurt. If his wife finds out it may end his marriage and he will blame you. I guarantee he will pin it all on you. At the very least, your relationship with your friend will never be the same if you go through with it.

And saying that you're not helping him cheat is just naive. You know its the wrong thing to do or this thread wouldn't be going right now. You want someone to say its ok so that then you're not responsible for the decision that you know is wrong.

Can't really say anymore than what's been said above, your enabling him to cheat if you sleep with him, I think maybe he sounds like he'll cheat no matter what, I don't know full details obviously. At the end of the day, yes your single and he isn't but you know he's not single so as I see it your just as guilty of cheating if you go ahead with it, If he was just someone random you met on a night out, or someone you knew but never knew he was married then I would say different, but the thing is you do know. I think you know that, but I think deep down you just want to be with him and your looking for someone to say go ahead and do it, it's fine.

And if you want then I'll tell you that, if you can live with yourself for possibly breaking up a marriage, or a family if things were to come out then do it. If you can live with the fact that if it comes out, your friends and family will probably find out, then do it.

Maybe you don't have feelings for him now, but who knows in the future?? Do you want to possible end up 2nd best to his wife all the time, someone he'll hide away, hoping that his naughty little secret doesn't come out... and possibly without a second thought he'll drop you like a lead ballon if he thinks he's about to be caught out?

It's not nice to be treated like this, and it isn't something I'd wish on you. Another thing, is the old phrase, "once a cheater, always a cheater", there is a high chance you might not be the only one, or if things ever did progress and you both ended up together (who knows what the future holds) then could you ever fully trust him?

If your happy with all that and you accept all the risks and dangers and feelings of EVERYONE involved then go ahead, do it, if it's what you want. I'm not judging you, I just hope you think about it very long and hard..... I've made mistakes in life, and now I wish i'd just sat down and thought about it, with my head on my shoulders and not my head on something else.

What ever you decision, I wish you the best.

Im sorry but even if me and my husband didnt have regular sex and i found out he's been talking to another girl sexually planning on sleeping with her it would ruin me. If my husband was that unhappy with our sex life and it bothered him enough to look elsewhere, then i'd take that as he doesnt deserve me and both he and the other girl would get a smack in the face....repeatedly!

Im not judging you but just because your not the one whos in the realtionship you'd be agreeing with it by sleeping with him and if it does go tits up you are partly responsible. Surefly you can find someone else without the hassle of a potential marriage breakup and messy ending for all involved?

If you know that this person is married, you should not be doing it. End of story.

You are morally being a real nasty person. Why would you even want to sleep with such a creep of a man that would cheat on his wife?! If he's willing to do that, how do you know he's not having his cake and eating it? He tells you his wife has a low sex drive, but how do you know that? If he's willing to lie to his wife, he could be lying to you too. He could quite easily be having sex with her every night, and seeing you as well. He says she's the one with a low sex drive, but what if he just has an exceptionally high sex drive?

You say you're single, you're not the one cheating. But you're purposely going ahead and emotionally hurting another person just for your own gain and that's just utterly selfish. Why can't you find someone that's single to be a FWB? To be totally honest, if I was single and going to sleep with someone it wouldn't be a married man, not even because it's so morally wrong, but because I'm no ones second choice! If he wants to be with his wife, let him be with his wife. If he wants a fuck buddy, he'll have to be single in my book. I'm better than second best, anyone is better than second best and you should be too.

Really, he's just treating you like a piece of neat to have his way with. He's basically saying he's got everything he wants at home, but he just wants to fuck you. Have you not got more pride than that?!

Not only are you potentially destroying a family, but your helping a total creep be a creep, and I wouldn't want to sleep with that. I would rather not have sex with anyone than be someone's second best. It sounds like you're being taken for a ride, and it sounds like to me your just up for it because you're enjoying the attention, and he knows that. Don't let him do this to you.

I had a friend with benefits who slowly became a relationship then he left his wife for me, they had a kid. It was messy. Then he cheated on me with another girl and subsequently left me for her... Not my best moment, and this all started with chatting about the gym.

just something to bear in mind.

it might not mean anything to you or him but it'll mean a hell of a lot to his wife who will totally lose faith in him and her own attractiveness, and question whether it's he fault for not pleasing her man.

its mot your responsibility to give him what she's not, if he's not satisfied in his relationship he should speak to his wife. You never know, she might suggest that he sleep with other women. Do not go behind her back, you're a woman, you know how fragile our self esteem/assurance is, it'll totally destroy her if she found out, even if you think she's tough.