Masturbation and toy advice needed!

This is a bit embarrassing for me but everybody seems friendly and open enough to chat. So im 24 and starting to dabble a bit more with masturbation since being recently single. Its never really beem something ive enjoyed. Ive never watched porn and never really enjoyed using fingers, dildos or even vibrators that ive tried. They just would never do much for me and i never came that way.

The only way i ever achieved it was pillow humping (always been embarrassed of this) or during sex i had to be in certain positions… usually me on top to create the same sensation.
I guess its a bit embarrassing that i dont know that much about my body or what it actually is that makes me finish. No partner has ever got me there with hands or tongues either.
Where on earth do i even start? I hear about people just playing solo and reaching the O so quickly and even squirting and i jusy want to try but dont know what is best to use!

Any suggestions? Ive always had to stop partners from playing with my clit too much because it often just feels too sensitive and i cant cope with the sensation. It makes my body spasm :rofl:


Hi, welcome to the forum :wave:
Nothing wrong with a bit of pillow humping. I can guarantee nearly everyone has tried it at least once. Some people prefer it to other types of masturbation too.
Cant be the most help unfortunately as im the other end of the spectrum clit wise, but i just wanted to post a few links that might be useful.

Im sure someone will wander by and drop some better tips. But we can be quite quiet at night here (uk time) sometimes.


As someone who has lots of experiences, both bi and hetero, the human tongue is the best on a clitoris and the head of a penis. Now, we all know that sometimes we are alone and need self-help. edited Some of the sex toys available now are so much more gentle and sophisticated, I would encourage you to gently massage the clitoris and then go into the anus, it will all be lovely and good, and just relax! Life is just too crazy nowadays.

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I think the most important thing is to find what works for you which might take some trial and error. It’s all about finding out what turns you on the most and which areas of your body you want to stimulate the most. What works for some people might not work for everyone.

I’m not sure which toys would be best for you, but from my experience I have found that it can take a few tries to fully enjoy a new toy and once I figure out the best way to use the toys, I absolutely love using them. I found that orgasms can be achieved through internal and external stimulation so it might be worth thinking about what type of stimulation you may prefer. I would also ask myself would i prefer vaginal, clitoral or anal stimulation or even all 3. If you need internal stimulation (such as g spot stimulation) with a vibrator or a dildo, you don’t have to insert the toy in fully so that might be worth thinking about. With external stimulation you can try with clitoral stimulation with a clit vibrator or use a wand vibrator for clitoral and vaginal stimulation. Maybe nipple stimulation with nipple clamps or nipples suckers might be worth a try depending on what you want to explore with. I believe some smaller glass toys might be good for external stimulation as well as internal stimulation too.

Lovehoney have some useful guides on masturbation which I’d say is worth looking at, I hope you’ll find something that works for you :slightly_smiling_face:


Nothing is embarrassing experiment and try anything that turns you on or at least in thought that way you will know if it works or not if using toys perhaps plenty of lube may help ? :blush::upside_down_face::blush:


And always remember to relax and breathe and enjoy the pleasure. Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself! You’ll get this!


Hmm, pillow humping and being on top sounds to me like a sensation of pressure. Maybe kneeling and applying a wand vibrator might work, through clothing if too sensitive. I have this one which gives a bit of a thump on the pulse patterns. :heartbeat: Perhaps one of the ladies could say whether I’m on the right track here. :biting_lip:

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Nothing to be embarrassed about @Newtothis3, if you’re enjoying it then that’s all that matters. I really enjoy dildos with a base so that i can grind against it so i suppose that is similar, i’ve never tried with a pillow but it would probably work for me too! I have never come from my partner’s tongue and really don’t like my clitoris being touched directly, i find it very uncomfortable. I can come with my own fingers but need to build up slowly and never touch my clitoris. I start by stoking my inner thighs and lower abdomen and work inwards to the labia generally using the palm of my hand to get broader stimulation. I enjoy gently massaging the tissue around the pubic bone as this indirectly stimulates the clitoris. As i become more aroused i can then touch just above the clitoral hood and usually use a small circular motion to lightly move the skin of the hood which itself touches the clitoris. I don’t rub, it’s more like a massage where i’m trying to move the tissues rather than stoke or rub them.

If you wanted to try toys then i’d suggest something not too powerful with deep rumbly vibrations if you’re sensitive. Look for something with a broad surface area like a pebble vibrator or knicker vibrator rather than a bullet. You could also look at toys that are squishy and made with a liquid silicone tip as these are more gentle.

This tracy cox one might be interesting to try I keep meaning to get one:

Take your time and enjoy experimenting. Don’t feel embarrassed about what works for you just enjoy it.


I used to do this when I was younger. I just to hump my pillows and my duvet a lot. I think that’s how a lot of people start out. I’m not too sure what to suggest really. All I can think of get a dildo with a suction cup base so you can ride it or get a wand and lay on your back or sit gently on top of the head and grind that way. You can do it either with underwear on or off, depends which one is more comfortable.


Humping is a great way to masturbate, no need to feel embarrassed.
Can i suggest something like a Knicker vibe to place in your knickers and hump onto?


Hello and welcome to the forum :smiley:

I totally agree there’s nothing wrong with a pillow and perhaps best way is to explore your body a bit more to know it better. Many women tend to go for wand toys or a rabbit wand as their first purchase.
Think there’s never really a right or wrong way to learn about your sexual pleasures so enjoy the adventure and the more to test out things, the better your endurance will hopefully become :slightly_smiling_face:

There’s nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to learning about masturbation so please don’t feel guilty about asking for advice. Masturbation is a completely natural & beautiful act of self love which 99% of people engage in… the other 1% are lying! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: Now, struggling to reach orgasm can be a psychological issue. For example, if you do feel any guilt or embarrassment about getting yourself off you’ll have a pretty hard time reaching orgasm. Now, I’ll let you in on a secret; I masturbate. I LOVE masturbating. So does my wife, the person who commented before me, the one after and even the nice old man I was talking to at the bus stop this morning. We ALL love masturbating! So, being someone who owns a vagina you are spoilt for choice with toys & techniques to experiment with (lucky you!) so maybe try something a bit different? Never done anal play? Try masturbating with a butt plug in your bum! Do you love to feel full? Try some of the very large dildos! Fancy intense vibrations? Try a mains powered wand! Are you a G spot girl? Learn how to find it, relax & give it a good massage! The world really is your oyster, it just takes some experimentation. I’m 37 and still discovering new kicks. Now, when you play with your clit it sounds like you’re massaging the clit itself. Instead, try adding a little water based lube to the area & try massaging the clitoral hood rather than the clit itself. Phew, I think that’s all for now but if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask. I can talk about masturbation all day & night! I hope this helps! :relaxed:


Love the last post but for anyone like me that are a little embarrassed of lack of knowledge and experiece with masturbation.
I just wanted to add that there are women out there that have never mastrubated.
Assumptions are made that we all mastrubate and when you read the advice and discussions in this forum you can definitely see that this is not the case.
We need to stop these assuptions and support us novices to the world of self pleasure so we dont feel embarrassed or awkward when confess our lack of knowledge and expertise.
Just to add i am one of these women that until recently have never tried mastrubation, ever and i have recently turned 50 and i am not lying. Yes i am married for 25 years and yes we have a sex life but have never felt comfortable in this area.


I didn’t masturbate until well into my 40’s I’d never touched myself except for washing and sanitary changes…

It never crossed my mind to be honest and when a close family member told me she did I was shocked as I couldn’t understand as to why…

I’d always had a boyfriend and honestly didn’t see the need…

It was never discussed in sex education about female masturbation and wasn’t something I discussed with friends either…and thought toys were for extras with a partner.


Sometimes when life takes a different turn, and you are alone, masturbation may be your only pleasure. I have found that reading about it gets me very excited, and my erections are bigger and harder. But as being BI, nothing is better than sucking a erect penis to climax while tasting the wonderful cum or a wonderful shaved clitoris, however next would be squirting, would love to taste that.

I could recommend many toys. Depends on what gets you off. Most women can enjoy clitoral stimulation so I recommend something like a clitoral stimulation toy