Is it ok to masturbate behind your OH back?
when I'm horny and have had sex a few days ago my wife doesn't want to have sex so I secretly masturbate without her knowing, but I feel unforfilled.
my plan is to tell my wife when I'm horny and ask her if she wants sex or shall I 'sort myself out'
That way I can masturbate openly with her knowledge and feel satisfied.
does this sound fair?
Sounds fair to me lol... I don't like my fiance jerking off infront of me for some reason (no clue as to why). I don't mind if he does it while I'm not around.
I don't know, is she alright with you masturbating? It's pretty normal lol... I'm a girl I masturbate even though I have a partner. Talk to her.
Don't think that's the best way to word it sounds sarcastic like you're saying you always have to sort yourself out. Or that's what I'd hear anyway.
ask when you're not horny and it won't have as much of an effect. Ask what she thinks about mastubation and if she minds whether you mastubate.
i enjoy my OH mastubating while I'm not there, I wouldn't be happy if he was in bed next to me or in next room doing it though
I think that's fair, and I think it's lovely you want to be more open and honest with your wife.
I would use the words "sort myself out", because it sounds a little bit resentful and might come across differently to her (us women will read into everything!)
Maybe just say something like "I'm going to go off to the bathroom, I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable". Then in future when you're off to the bathroom, it's code word for what you're doing but not directly saying it.
Being careful in how I word things since my oh reads what I write lol!!
I don't mind too much, sometimes he sneaks off and I find him upstairs busy!!! Sometimes that leads to spontaneous sex. Assuming the kids don't come home!!
At night I would mind especially if I'm horny.
I rarely masturbate, occasionally during the day but if I'm honest I couldn't tell you when the last time was.
My wife knows I masturbate and she's ok with that, it's normal after all, but doesn't know when.
My issue is getting enough time without being caught! I feel guilty.
if she knew when I was masturbating I would feel a lot more relaxed and enjoy it, rather than it being a chore to stop feeling horny.
I would not masturbate in same room as her or when we are in bed together and she would always get sex when she wanted it.
Sounds fair,just gotta work on your phrasing.
Thanks, any suggestions on phrasing?
should I be using the word masturbate? Or a different one? A womans input is greatly appreciated here.
Thanks, any suggestions on phrasing?
should I be using the word masturbate? Or a different one? A womans input is greatly appreciated here.
Don't ask while you're horny. Just ask her opinion on mastubation and whether she dislikes the idea of you mastubating. This puts least pressure on her to answer either way so you get an honest answer
I'd much prefer the honest way, just talking about it normally - I think sometimes when 'code' words are used for it; it makes it sound more seedy than it actually is.
I do it without my OH, I have a far higher sex drive than he has, I have no problems just grabbing one of my toys and having at it - most of the time he will end up joining in. I don't go off to the bathroom. I lay on the bed and do whatever I'm doing.
I don't hide it sometimes I get a helping hand that way lol
being open and honest is the best way forward and she probably knows you do anyway
I'm more than happy for hubby to " sort himself out" if I don't feel like sex. He tell me he's done it and that's fine.
On the other hand he hates me having a play with myself. He thinks it's his job. So I will admitt that I rarely tell him when I do it.
I'm a little surprised with this post. Don't all men masturbate? I don't go broadcasting the fact that I like a wank to my wife, but she's more than aware that I - just like everyone with a penis - like to sort myself out sometimes.
You don't have to tell her every time you do it, in fact you don't have to tell her at all. She already knows!
Ive been married 25 years now and I've hand far more wanks than ive had sex. It's normal.
Mozzalini wrote:
I'm a little surprised with this post. Don't all men masturbate? I don't go broadcasting the fact that I like a wank to my wife, but she's more than aware that I - just like everyone with a penis - like to sort myself out sometimes.
You don't have to tell her every time you do it, in fact you don't have to tell her at all. She already knows!
Ive been married 25 years now and I've hand far more wanks than ive had sex. It's normal.
What's normal for one person isn't normal for everyone, not everyone is ok with it. Just like what's weird for one person isn't weird for another
Sounds good idea to me. She may even beore
Up for it knowing your doing the naughty upstairs by yourself :p
( going to make my oh read this to take not haha )
Young and fun95 wrote:
Mozzalini wrote:
I'm a little surprised with this post. Don't all men masturbate? I don't go broadcasting the fact that I like a wank to my wife, but she's more than aware that I - just like everyone with a penis - like to sort myself out sometimes.
You don't have to tell her every time you do it, in fact you don't have to tell her at all. She already knows!
Ive been married 25 years now and I've hand far more wanks than ive had sex. It's normal.
What's normal for one person isn't normal for everyone, not everyone is ok with it. Just like what's weird for one person isn't weird for another
Sorry Young and fun95. I think my post came across more flippant than I meant.
I am however surprised when people take offence at masturbation, particularly if it's a partner. I'm sure that a very significant proportion of adults partake regularly, and I'm more surprised if people don't masturbate than if they do.
youre very lucky if both partners have a similar sex drive. In my experience, and having had this discussion with friends both male and female, it's more usual for one person in the relationship to have a greater need than the other.
Masturbation provides a release for that person without having to put pressure on their partner for more sex, possibly causing ill feeling and resentment.
Its the 21st century now - is masturbation still seen as a bad thing? It won't make you blind, it won't make it fall off, it's perfectly ok and healthy to do it
I totally agree that's it's healthy and normal, but should be discussed.particularly as you say when one partner has a higher sex drive as without proper discussion this is an assumption and there was a thread on here. To long back where someone was having problems with mastubation because one was mastubating while the other was wanting sex. I have a higher sex drive than my OH but still try not to mastubate as I want to be really horny everytime OH wants it, that's my own choice. I would personally be hurt if he mastubated while I was in the same house but while I'm away at uni he's welcome to satisfy himself when he wants. In a relationship discussion and understanding on both sides is always neccesary.
No one is saying that masturbation is seen as a bad thing, the original poster is simply saying that he wants to be open about, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. For some people they can feel as though they're betraying their partner or being secretive in their relationship by masturbating without their knowledge. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be totally open with your partner. I think that its a great idea, there's no secrets, and if anything his partner will get to know how often he needs to have a release, and maybe might end up adjusting herself to try and help him out a little more frequently.
I think you have hit the nail on the head there MrsMcX.
I do feel a bit like I'm almost cheating on her/ guilty, but do so not to put pressure on her for sex too often respecting her lower sex drive.