I am interested in knowing what goes through a mans mind when he is veiwing porn without his wife/partner knowing about it? What do you see when you are looking at porn?
If you are in a committed relationship or married why do you feel the need to veiw porn?
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I know this sounds flippant but generally when looking at porn I see women in various states of undress or (in the case of films) undertaking various sexual acts. I find this arousing, it is as simple as that.
This is an age old argument and speaking personally there are times when, for want of a better phrase; 'I get the urge'. Like it or not, sometimes when you feel the need for a release you are not going to get it from your partner. This does not mean you don't love them or that you don't find them attractive. This goes for my wife just as much as for myself. however we don't keep this fact secret from one another.
I generally see no problem with pornography as long as both partners are open about things.
Thanks for the reply.
I don't feel the need to go looking at porn when i get the urge but obviously my husband does. If im honest i don't like it. It makes me feel inadiquate especially as the women he looks at are of perfect form in every way. Unlike you he does it in secret. I suppose if he didnt leave evidence for me to find then i wouldnt know any different. I think i perfer it that way. It has caused a fair few rows between us in the past. However he is getting better at covering his tracks these days.. lol Maybe if i was happy with myself then i wouldnt get so upset. Who knows.
I always worry about a "don't ask don't tell" but if you are comfortable with that then keep on. Have you spoke to your partner about it? Have you tried watching it with him? I know Ann Summers sells porn specifically aimed at women. Maybe that would help, as a lot of typical bloke porn is quite in your face (sometimes literally).
As with most relationship issues generally the best option is to talk about it. Hiding it rarely makes things better.
Yes i have spoken to him about it, not that it gets me any where though, we just end up rowing about it. I cant get him to understand how it makes me feel. We used to watch it together but since the birth of our son we dont get a lot of time to outselves anymore so cant find the time to watch that kind of thing theses days. As i said its the way he does it in secret that upsets me more than anything.. im sure it will sort itself out eventually. I just wanted a male opinion on the subject. So thanks again.
The porn I like watching when I'm on my own is the porn my girlfriend made when she was in the business. She was great but is even better now. She knows I watch it and actively encourages me as well.
I'm not a guy, but personally, I don't see why people flip out over their significant others watching porn. They stay with you for a reason; you are the important person in their life and they still desire you. Porn is simply entertainment. It doesn't mean that they would want to actually bed the porn stars they see - generally, its all fantasy.
I had to laugh at a page I saw a while ago, where basically they were saying "oh pornography is bad! you should never desire anyone other than your partner!" Okay. I think people who deny themselves porn are the ones more likely to cheat, because they've never let themselves explore the fantasy in their minds, they're more likely to be tempted by the "real thing", so to speak.
Neither me or my boyfriend actively watch porn anymore - other than each other! - but I wouldn't object if he did. It just so happens I'm more than enough porn for him to handle, lol..
In reference to your situation - it's better when you are more open about it. Don't be too accusatory as that will make him defensive and more likely to clam up about it. I think the only time it is unacceptable is when a guy would compare you to porn star women. He should be quite understanding that it would make you feel insecure, just try to be a little more open about how it makes you feel than rowing about it? I guess I dont understand since I hardly ever argue.
anyway sorry that was rambling. this is a bit of a weird subject for me. will shut up now!
im boyfriend watches porn but less so then he used to. i didnt like it at first but i spoke to him about it and he was willing to stop watching it altogether but i worry that without it he'd be more likely to cheat so we decided on rules for when he can and can't watch it. for example if he's not in the mood for any fun with me he can't watch any porn as i think thats fair. im much more comfortable with it now as i never minded him watching porn it was just his reasons for it i worried about. i still hate how they are soo perfect looking though but then all pornstars are so im sure i can get over it...he hasnt left me yet so there must be something he likes about me!
As a woman I find watching porn a turn on. When I was married we watched it to add a little extra spice, leading to the main event!
There is no harm in watching it as it is only a dvd, not there sharing the action with you!
Im lucky my other half doesnt like watching porn, he says its too 'fake' but i encourage him to make porn with me :) as thats more fun than watching it!
This has been an issue in my relationship too, I worked in the adult industry though never did nude stuff or porn. However I knew girls that did and the horrible mess they often ended up in with drugs, STI's and abuse.... I'm sure not all end up so bad but one friend in the industry had a stalker turn up on her doorstep with a gun - her best friend took the bullet for her, fatally. And so I have seen the realities behind the harmless fun and fantasy.
However this is irrelevant on the relationship scale. I objected to my partner using it because why should he be jacking off when I do not get the sex I want? I have a far higher libido than him - or any man I met - and for him to be humping a prostitute paid money for sexual acts in his mind while I go without was unreasonable to me. And so he stopped. He tried to sneak and lie - I caught him and punished him, he stopped.
When sex is freely and constantly on offer (amazing sex, willing to try anything sex, and downright kinky sex with an ex model) why do they sneak off for their jollies then? satisfy themselves and leave their real life woman wanting and knowing they will be pissed if they find out he denied her for a wank over someone else? That I would like to know
Porn Is just fantasy, it is when you actually sit down and wtch it bloody hilarious, the story lines are a hoot, the acting is worse than hollyoaks and the music is magical! I find porn arousing but now only when with my Girlfriend when we are laughing at it together.
also Re: Angel, their bodies may be 'perfect' although thats subjective but then that is their job! if they looked any other way they would be unemployed.
I wish my boyfriend liked porn, I asked him if we could watch it together and within about 20 mins he got the laptop out and played card games. So I have given up and now watch porn with the duracell bunny.
For female porn try the Anna Span stuff - it's more suited for females.
I'm female and love porn, and I love watching porn with my other half. I love it when he sits in front of the PC and starts watching porn and then I come along get naked and sit down on his cock to watch the porn with him - we go for hours - it's heaven! ;)
I have children and know sex seems less important than them. Children take up more time and energy than anyone without any could ever imagine but you and your relationship also deserve effort.
If you used to watch porn together try to re-establish this practice rather than denying its validity and making your husband feel it is a waste of time and therefore something illicit he can only do on his own.
Perhaps you are not ready to explore the potential enjoyment of watching porn but your husband is. We are biologically programmed to become aroused when we watch sex. When our energy is not entirely taken up with children and assuming we don’t have any issues concerning the porn industry it is healthy to want to watch porn. (However the way sex is presented in porn can be a problem.) As long as you and your husband are still able to communicate and hopefully sometimes have sex your relationship will survive his bit of illicit porn.
Having a young child is a time when your self esteem is at its lowest ebb. But having looked at your picture you are more attractive than the vast majority of porn actresses. Remember how beautiful you are.
Get your husband to look after your son while you have a pampering spa day. Dedicate some time to yourself in a similar way to your husband indulging himself watching porn. Then get a babysitter and go out to dinner together.
From a guy's point of view I have to tell you that the vast majority of men look at porn and it turns them on - it's the way our brains are wired by nature. Men are more visual in their stimuli whilst women are more turned on by environments and emotions. Men have been creating porn since the stone age so it's entirely natural!
It's not a threat to you that we like it, so don't worry - like someone else said already, it's just entertainment. I mean, if I watch Top Gear and ogle a Ferrari it doesn't mean I'll start to get bored with my Toyota. It simply means I'll enjoy a brief but erotic fantasy of hurling an unobtainable Italian sports car around the Tuscan hills at 200mph. Ten minutes later my predictable male brain will have forgotten all about the fantasy it just had and be busy thinking about mowing the lawn or going for a beer.
'Ooh! Boobies!' is probably what's going through his mind when he's enjoying some him time.
I think the only time you need to be worrying about him watching porn is if he prefers it to the real thing with you.
Men are supposed to be hardwired to 'spread their seed', whereas woman have an instinct to find one good partner and stick with them. I reckon the difference in the sexes traditional attitude towards porn has something to do with that.
And at the end of the day it's you he's cuddling up to in bed, not the one dimensional character on the screen.
I once heard someone say that porn is the sexual equivalent of pottering about in the garden shed, and I agree. Just because you enjoy pottering out there, doesn't mean you don't come back into the house at the end of the day...;)
My boyfriend watches porn, at first he used to deny it, thinking that'd I'd be somehow disgusted, but he soon changed his tune when I told him I enjoyed porn myself.
I agree to an extent that it is difficult for some women to identify with the porn many of our men-folk watch...the plastic, screaming, poorly acted stuff that floods the internet...full of pamela anderson lookalikes, but I would encourage you to view some of the more female orientated porn out there. The play-girl website has some particularly good offerings.
And just think...when you watch porn, do you sit and think "ooo i wish my partner looked/talked/acted like that..."? I would think not, because they're just a fictional character who is there to "get the job done" so to speak...and I'm sure thats all he thinks as well. :)
just watched some porn it was rubbish was over dubbed and it wasnt synched properly, prefer the storie's on literotica wide an varied works for me as I can use my imagination, lot of models in the porn film have implants I prefer mine Organic nothing added...
My partner used to look/ possibly still does look at magazines. He says he doesn't like porn, won't watch it with me just for ideas and says he doesn't have fantasys!!!!! Do I believe him or not. I thought everyone fantasised even if it was somthing they wouldn't act on. I like porn but I think thats because I never get to try anything out and it's away of giving me ideas for my fantasies.