my wife wants to dominate me. need advice

hello there all. i am very new to this sort of thing. i have been with my wife for 7 years now and we have always had a really good sex life. of course there were bumps in the road and periods where we didnt have as much sex but that is all over now. i have been taking testosterone for my health and it has completely changed our sex life. from having sex once or twice a month to at least every other day, if not everyday. she is becoming even more open with me about fantasies than ever before. i told her that i would try anything she wants. her fantasies include: me performing anal sex on her; and she also told me she has deep desires to dominate me. also she has told me she wants to peg me, since i do the giving in that area and she the receiving, she wants a role reversal.

this side of her both excites me and terrifies me. she wants to be in control of everything in the bedroom. I am okay with this since its just a fantasy that would play out in the bedroom and not real life. however i have noticed subtle things in everyday life that suggests that she wants to be the one that wears the pants.

It is her birthday next month and i wanted to surprise her with a few things so that she could take control and dominate me. i just hope she doesnt want to take it too far. i need advice on what kinds of sex items i should buy for her (she mentioned cuffs and blind folding). i would get her the strapon, i just hope they come in small sizes because the last thing i want is to be ripped apart by her pegging me. anyone have any advice on how to proceed? also i imagine talking to her about this is difficult for her because she has had these kind of fantasies since we began seeing eachother. so i would want some advice also on how to go about talking to her about this sort of thing without embarrassing her or hurting her feelings. i would do anything for her including let her peg me if thats what she wants because i love her so much, and i know she would do the same for me if i asked.

any advice would be great thanks

You sound a very devoted lover, and completely in love with your lady. Don't agree to anything you don't feel comfortable about. This is very important. Don't rush things. This is also very important.

you must talk to her before doing anything out of your comfort zone. It is ESSENTIAL that you have a safe word. This is a word that you both agree on and if something is too much for one or the other person they say the safe word and thing stop. Make sure you both know the word and choose a word that can't be mistaken eg. Strawberry (people often say stop when they are enjoying a bondage scenario which makes it a bad word to use).

Dont rush into things, the warm up is more important than the act. So for pegging, I wouldn't go streight in for full penetration. If you are new to anal play you will need to build up to pegging. Use a good anal lube. (I can not stress the importance of lube enought). Maybe start with her fingering you for example, see how you feel with one finger, maybe two. Consider anal prep it is a personal choice but worth discussing with her, she may have clear ideas of what she would like or expect.

i know all this sounds a bit negative, but it is vital that play is safe for both people. You are not going to repete something that you don't like, or enjoy.

Now for some positives. Dominating you, again safe word is essential. As a beginner I would suggest silky hand ties/handcuffs, there are no locks and keys to loose, they are comfortable to wear/use and don't leave any marks after use, but they will keep you securely ties up. They are also easier to remove quickly if you are panicking or uncomfortable. As for a blindfold, I like a good one, so have purchased an intermediate blindfold, much better quality. Of course you could use anything as a blindfold. Maybe a satin/leather spanking paddle. Satin side softer, leather side more firm, allowing you to progress up to firm spanking if you both like it.

For your first purchase I would probably get a blindfold, satin wrist ties, a spanking paddle and lube. I would not get the strap on just yet, get some anal practice in before such a purchase, you may not be up for anal play. You don't want to rush these acts if they are her fantasies working up to them will be as much fun as the act itself.

Sorry for rattling on so long. I hope both of you enjoy experimenting. Be safe (and LUBE!)

I would definitely consider a beginners bondage kit. Of course, the word 'beginner' definitely sounds a little nicer to start off with!

My personal favourite to suggest to our customers is this one. Lovely quality and nice and discreet too -

However if you wanted something a little more daring in the spanking area as well as still that beginners touch do consider these ones as well, they are great - / I would pick the Tease Me personally as it is all so lovely, and then maybe add the paddle seperately if you wanted one of those -

Also I would highly suggest giving our guides a read - for bondage in particular they are great! 'How to introduce bondage into your relationship' and 'beginners bedroom bondage techniques' sound ideal for you -

And yes.. lube is important! Get a nice water based one :-) Good luck! x

Why not start with something like basic bondage before progressing to pegging? You sound a bit nervous and going from nothing to tied up strap on pay might be quite a leap!

You could also try some solo anal play to see how you feel, you might love or hate it which could influence what you choose to do with your wife.

Also, add mentioned above lube and plenty of it! And relax!

thanks for the replies. ill make sure not to just rush into anything with her. just want a happy wife, u know. perhaps i will hold off on the strapon, that is actually quite a relief because if i were to rush into it i am sure i wouldnt know the first thing of what i am about to get into and experience. i understand that anal pleasures shouldnt be rushed or someone could get hurt and learn to hate something that could be good.

thanks again :)

btw Fun Louise, its all good in regards to the ramble, if you noticed so did i quite a bit :P

kevwards7788 - What an amazing partner you are. Don't stress about fulfilling every fantasy right away. I'm sure your wife will be delighted that you are even willing to try some new things for her. My advice is to take things very slowly with anal play and find out what (if anything) works for you.

Omg I must be so tired! I though this said Donate at first. I was sat thinking to myself what a great idea hahah 😇

Just enjoy playing together. If she goes about it the right way she will be wanting to build your confidence in her and make you want more rather than putting you off.
I agree with getting a kit and I think there are some good deals at the moment. I have the bondage boutique one and have reviewed it.
The Lovehoney basic strapon is great for beginners. It is small and not intimidating at all. It would be a good way to start.
Have fun together and if you try things out you will probably like some and not like others. The most important thing is that you both talk about it. There is no point doing stuff you don't enjoy just to please someone. They are more likely to get turned on by pleasing a partner than indulging a kink which may turn them on as a fantasy but would be a real turn off if you didn't like it.

In terms of pegging this are good ones to start off with. The smaller one I found to be to small. There both in the sale at the moment.

Domination can be anything from your oh giving you a verbal order, through to bondage, pegging, up to skys the limit, basically anything.

Communication is key, you need to decide together what you are both happy with, and not happy with, these limits can change over time with experience, so start gentle, and work up.

For anal, use fingers and small toys first, and work up to bigger, and pegging, and always use plenty of lube.

Its also good for you to sometimes dominate the oh, for variation, and to show eachother what you both like.

Always have a safeword, a good one is door bell, as nothing shits someone up as much as the thought they have been caught, lol.

And finally relax go with it, and enjoy the ride.

j&lxxxx wrote:


Always have a safeword, a good one is door bell, as nothing shits someone up as much as the thought they have been caught, lol

Hahaha! I'm borrowing that one.

door bell eh? well that does sound like a pretty good safe word. okay. and yes the whole pegging thing makes me wonder what else she is thinking about. and if she wants more than that in time i am very much up for it. BUT... i am a little bit worried for the same reason i am worried about the other way around. she wants me to perform anal on her as well, and hurting her is a big worry for me. however in many ways it is only fair that it goes both ways. i really hope i am able to do this with her without disliking it. also if she gets to play out her fantasies there is no reason i cannot play out mine. i wouldnt say i have many fantasies per se (i have a dull set of sexual thoughts besides the huge turn on i find from a woman going down on me and swallowing my seeds).. but lately since i have been on testosterone replacement tharapy that it is a LOT harder for me to ejaculate for some reason (if i concentrate and really try to ejaculate i could go for hours and hours). since then she has been massaging my prostate when i have had trouble. it is absolutely mind blowing when done right during orgasm. one time after i felt the endorphin rush so much it felt like morphine for a short time... absolutely incredible!

Thank you all for the kind words and decent advise :)

I agree with a lot of people's idea, i would definitly start off small, bit of blindfolding and cuffing first. This will make her tease you, so would be easier for you to enjoy something so new. It is definitly something you should both ease into, because there is a chance there are some things your partner wont be comfortable doing.

And obviously: SAFEWORD!!!

this set is great in my experience.

All of the previous posters are spot on. Above everything else needs to be communication. My wife and I ventured into the pegging arena a while back and love it. It is an oddly awesome feeling to give into her. I won't list many products here but have reviewed a handful that we enjoyed. Take it slow, with proper preparation whatever you do can be amazing for both of you. However, without communication and prep you run the serious risk of damage to both the physical and emotional state of your love life. I know that sounded weird but you get my point. There are a lot of very enjoyable things out there if you are willing to try new things, just do your homework and work together. This is a great resource, the forums cover just about anything you can imagine and more in a comfortable and friendly environment.

Hi Kev, all great advice. Just to add a bit more. Lots and lots of good lube and plenty of time and most of all comunication.

Iam nearly twice the size of my OH and she does love sometimes for me to be totaly at her whim. It is very stimulating to give yourself to your woman. Whilst iam not into pegging i do enjoy prostate stimulation.

As with everthing its the fear of the unknown and thats all.

Safewords are important just dont pick "STOP" or allow yourself to be gagged lol.

I have to admit, I nicked door bell off someone else, but it is good to bring everything to an abrupt halt, however if you want a safeword with a little leeway, the traffic lihgt system is also good,

Green, everything good carry on. Amber, I don't like that/ back off a bit/ I want a little break, Red, everything stops now.

Its fine to be a little worried/nervous, that's why its important to communicate between you both, some people like to discuss things directly before a session, and decide were doing to do this, this, and this, but definatley not that. Other couples like to discuss things a few days before hand, and set ground rules, so that the Dom can make a bit of a plan and leave an element of surprise for the sub, the unknown can be a massive turn on.

Its just as important to chat afterwards as well, give feedback, such as, it really turned me on the way you told me kneel in the corner and not move, but it did get a little boring after the first hour, lol. Or I enjoyed been spanked, but next time you can go little harder on my bum and a bit lighter on my legs, or even you know how you did that maybe next time we can try this.

Remember domination/BDSM is about what you want it to be, that is safe, that your both happy and willing to do. Even though your handing control over to your Dom, it is always the sub that is ultimatley in charge, its your body to choose what's done to it, and when to stop.

Has your oh got any previous experience in domination? If so iam sure she will look after you, if not it will be fun to learn together.

The most important advice though, is whatever you do enjoy yourself, and if things don't happen the way you wanted, don't give up, learn from it, and try again another day.

Please come back and let us know how things went, only if your happy to do so.

I can highly recommend these handcuffs for bondage beginners. They are soft and comfortable, but still hold very firmly, and the little clips in the middle instead of a chain make them really versatile:

Other than that, there's nothing I can really add to the advice above. The guys are spot on - communicate, and only do things you're truly comfortable with.

j&lxxxx wrote:

...... Even though your handing control over to your Dom, it is always the sub that is ultimatley in charge, its your body to choose what's done to it, and when to stop.....

+1 Oh, this!!! I've been trying to explain this to others for so long and you've expressed it beautifully. Thank you.