I was thinking about this earlier. I find it interesting where some names I call my partner during sex are easy, feel natural and don’t feel awkward. For instance if we’re having a D/S session I’ll call her Miss , Mistress, Goddess or if I’m being the dominant I’ll call her my submissive, f**k toy (she used it on me so I feel comfortable using it back). But there’s some terms (namely ‘slut’) which id absolutely love to use on her (or would happily let her call me one) but I don’t just want to blurt it out as I’m worried it’ll upset her. I know the alternative would be to talk about it before but I don’t know, that just seems a bit cold, methodical and insulting?
I was also thinking, do couples have sex without much talking? Obviously if you have to be quiet due to other people in the house I understand it but otherwise do people stay quiet?
Me and hubby @seabs117 generally have to stay quiet cause of the kids but if we get time alone, we still only really heavily pant and moan. I don’t think we’ve ever used words. I don’t think I’d like him calling me a slut (not that I think he would)
You don’t need to be quite as blunt as saying “can I call you a slut while we have sex?” But bringing up a conversation about verbal humiliation and degradation doesn’t have to be cold. In fact, it is probably better to talk about it beforehand. I enjoy that kind of talk but I very much have my limits.
Finding someone’s limits mid sex is going to end the sex and can really leave some scars.
Generally, my partner and I don’t stay quiet during sex. It’s not a steady stream of talking or noise but at the right moments it can really add to the sex for me.
Personally I’d love my OH to call me names like that during sex. We used to be fairly quiet during sex but have started talking more recently and I find it makes sex so much more exciting. We do tend to use more dirty language than what we would usually use.
Maybe a more general conversation like @Calie said might be a good idea? As you already call each other names during sex, maybe you could ask if there are any names that she would find offensive or would rather you didn’t use rather than asking outright if “slut” is OK? I wonder if it would be more of a turn on if it was unexpected (it would be for me) but you certainly don’t want to upset her. A bit of a dilemma but you know her better than anyone.
I would just come out and ask her 'how would you feel if I called you a dirty slut / little whore in bed?
The only way to find out about these things is to ask, she would either say yes that’s hot or a big no!
Or how about trying it while you’re sexting… If she was acting as your sub during the chat, slip it in there and see how she reacts.
What do you think is the worst that could happen?
Personally I don’t love to be called a slut, but in bed when we’re being kinky - he can call me whatever the hell he wants to. I don’t mind it at those times because it has a different purpose. So we even use it in sexting and I call his all sorts too!
I think it’s a case of finding out beforehand what she really doesn’t like and avoiding those names/terms, at the end of the day its better IMO to have a constructive conversation beforehand than an awkward one afterwards
I know you meant zero disrespect or offence by your comment but please be a little bit careful when you make light of people’s kinks. People can feel a lot of shame about what they enjoy in the bedroom which is honestly wrong but when it gets ingrained it takes a long time to unlearn. There is a fine line between what comes across as funny and what comes across as mockery.
Deffo have a conversation with her about what she would be comfortable you calling her during sex.
I love being called degrading names during sex like slut and whore but I suppose not everyone would be comfortable with that so deffo have a chat with her.
Good point. Sometimes messages can read differently to the way they were written/intended.
I apologise to anyone who uses the term ‘big stinky fart-weasel’ in their sexy dirty talk. I meant no disrespect, and nor do I think anyone should feel any shame if they do use it. The Lovehoney Forum has no place for kink-shaming, and if that’s how my post was perceived then I apologise profusely.
As others have said definitely talk about it beforehand, and no need to feel awkward, it’s good to check! It’s a very personal thing and sometimes even the tone with which something is said can make a difference. Once you know what her limits are, and she knows yours, it frees you up to say more things that excite you both in future.
Definitely have a casual chat about it, as others have said this can be done in a way that isn’t insulting. The same way you’d discuss hard limits etc - just being reassuring that if it isn’t something they are up for then that is absolutely fine as well.
I love degrading names during sex, but not with everyone. There’s also some times where I’m up for it and other times when I don’t. Similarly, I know people that absolutely despise them and would jump straight out of bed. So, it’s definitely worth having a conversation and setting boundaries
My OH and I never really discussed it before hand but it slowly progressed to more “degrading” terms. I do have to admit I was a little caught off guard when he called me his “cum slut” for the first time but I never took offense. Now I kinda love it. I don’t even know that I could have talked about it before hand I’m kind of shy until it’s go time.
Thanks all for the replies. Having thought about it I think I’ll leave it. It’s not a major fantasy of mine and think could cause more upset than it’s worth. To confirm, it was only ever a fantasy of mine when we’re having sex. Wouldn’t ever dream or want to say it outside of the bedroom.
I do tacitly encourage her to call me degrading names during sex when she’s in charge which she happily complies with. I might scratch that itch a bit harder. Something that really got me going a few months ago was when I was struggling to get hard during a D/S session and she demanded my “little dick” gets hard. As soon as she said it she apologised and it kind of interrupted the play but I told her I loved it (I am on the small side when flaccid but no longer bothers me) and encouraged her to keep going. Was rock hard in a matter of seconds!
Not to say others won’t be offended etc